My humble experiences to share. Intimacy is an integral part of relationships. Else, its hard to sustain, imo. May be my wiring is different, but I value intimacy quite a lot. Not just the f**k, but the hugging together and falling asleep her hands in mine.
But, my ex never thought it was necessary. She thought that overnight has to involve a f**k, though the intimacy was the main course. One day she raved to me that her friend's hubby n her only do it once a month. Not very inspiring to hear that. I know my ex had low sex drive and don't really pressure her for it.
One day, she started to avoid bathing together and I also got quite curious as to what happened. Eventually, the cat was let out of the bag. She said she didn't trust me cos of my history in ktv and I had other girlfriends. In the Bible, wasn't it said that let the one who is sinless cast the first stone? All men (and women) are sinners.
If I had sinned before, it was history. I just wanted another chance at a normal relationship. She and I distanced ever more and rejected my advances. Very often, it was just outright rejection in the face. When she started asking for gifts and money, I felt thoroughly pissed. In a way, my mind was transformed into that of a child who wouldn't leave the toy shop, unless mummy bought that toy.
I was having a relationship with a girl who didnt want intimacy with me and had grave distrust towards me. Honestly, its not that I cannot afford, but I chose not to pay for someone who wasn't willing to be with me. At that time when she started turning me away and stopped kissing me, I thought the relationship was over.
The uglier truth was... I didn't respect her anymore. She was no longer the innocent girl I knew. Behind my back, she was consulting her good friends about how to deal with me. Yet, I feel deep grief... She felt so real, until I realised she was not having a mind of her own. She just lived a life which filled the expectations of others, rather than a life she truly believed in.
I am a normal guy like many of the guys here. I want my girl to be someone I can be intimate with... not some ktv whore or ml. But, if I cannot, then the choice is just clear. Yet, I kept holding on to her hoping someday she will turn around and tell me she really missed being together.
My expectations are not high..... Perhaps, the truth is that the right person has yet to be found.
I live a life to believe in what I wish to believe is real and not deal with what my ex's friends think.
Yet, I feel very fortunate.... because my mum loved me so much and strived to stay alive, in the face of a terrible disease. What other love is more true than that? Staying alive each day in grave pain and wishing to have one more look at those who truly matter. Finally, I dare say that no other girl (till date) is truly worthy of that same spot that my mum holds in my mind. I grief from time to time over my mum's passing. That is the single most important reminder why I have to keep myself strong and sane... alone, in the face of a world gone mad (truly).
