[Sgdora]

I was conflicted on whether to post this but decided to seek opinions from bros as this is something i can’t tell anyone around me including my family and friends. I will keep the story short.

I have been dating this Vietnamese lady for a few months now. We have decided to continue dating and move towards getting married in the near future. She is an extremely nice lady that works hard for her own family and despite being penniless, she always refuses to take money from me. I still gave her a few thousand dollars to help her during times of need. She never extended her hand to ask me for money but chose to borrow it from her friends. I am not rich and the most I can do is to pay for her meals when we go out once to twice a week.

Recently I found out that she was once married in Singapore and had a kid. She divorced 2 years ago. I was devastated when I found out. I didn’t know how to handle it. She told me she wanted to tell me before she goes back to Vietnam in a month’s time and she knew I will find out eventually. She wasn’t trying to hide from me but she wishes to find the right time to tell me. I told her she should had been up front with me about it from the beginning. She said in the beginning she doesn’t think our relationship will advance and she was afraid that I can’t accept her past if she had told me. Her intention was never to hide but to find a right time to tell me. She said she is fine if i choose to leave her and all the money I gave her, she will find ways to return to me.

Her kid is now 5 years old. She was once married to a SG guy that is 24 years older than her. She got pregnant 1 month after they got married and she raised the child until 1 year old before going back Vietnam. She came back to see her kid frequently through the years but her ex husband told her not to come close to the kid anymore. She chose to leave her ex husband due to extreme verbal abuse and she was very depressed. She told me she wanted to commit suicide when she was still expecting. The ex-husband wasn’t kind to her throughout the marriage. Never provide her with money nor allow her to go anywhere without his company. It was like staying in a prison at home. I strongly believe the ex husband only wanted a child but not a wife and now she is blaming herself for leaving her kid.

I am conflicted by all these. I was once afraid that she is out to scam my money. But as time passes i can see if she wanted money, there is plenty of ways for her to suck me dry and leave. But she didn’t. And just when I thought all is over, comes this issue. It’s being a few days since I came to know about this and I am not sure if I can really accept her past. I can say she is a kind person who really takes care of me and her own family. I can see and feel it. If you remove the sigma of being a Vietnamese, she is just another lady out there with her own set of problems. So bros. Need to hear it from all of you. I am someone who is at the age where I just want to settle down. I have long decided if this relationship fails again like my past relationships, it will be difficult for me to spend time and effort to find someone suitable, dating all over again. I personally felt that she is someone i am looking for. She loves me, and wishes to take care of me and my family. So yes, that’s my story. Sorry for not being short after all.