Understanding Vietnamese Life Partner

[decent02]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

you chose to challenge the toughest choice so blame yourself...you choose to go after a popular big FISH...

Haiz...buon muon chet luon.....

[naemlo]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

so chim cannot understand...

Alien language again

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by naemlo

Alien language again

This language is known as decent language whereby bro decent02 wanted to go after a pretty FISH...he is suffering from deficiencies illnesses and having illusions...hopefully he can recover fast...and hook the big FISH...see this FISH also popular and have many followers...

[littleleroy]

Hi Bros,

I just found this forum recently and find it very useful understanding vietnamese spouse better.

Currently, i am caught in between my wife and my family. My wife is in a very bad and hostile relationship withmy sister. we're currently living with my parents and siblings under one roof.

Background
Met my wife in 2011 in J1, fell in love and got married, threw party in Vietnam June 2012. Held ceremony in SG in Feb. Got a kid 3 months old now. We are very happy together!

But the thing is...... my baxa relationship with my sister used to be ok but after my kid was born things just turned sour 2 weeks ago when my sister asked me why my baxa is giving her cold shoulders and whenever she sees my sister back, she would bring the baby back into the room.

I asked my baxa about it and she said its because my sister talks loudly at home, on shows on computer, talk on phone loud affecting the baby's sleep. The next thing i know she confronted my sister about it and they even had a big quarrel about it! im just torned between them. My baxa cried and start banging her head against the cupboard... ouch

During this 2 weeks, my sister was just cold and nonchalent complaining how my baxa acts differently behind my back. My sister promised me to watch her shows and talk on phone in her room, ever since then shes been hiding in the room most of the time.Last saturday night, my sister was watching her shows on the computer in the living room. My baxa was trying to put the baby to sleep in the living room, suddenly, she carried the baby and brought him into the room, she started crying and said - my sister is bullying her, my sister will get karma for whatever shes doing to her and the baby.

I have been consoling and coaxing my baxa. With each telling me their story, i am really confused and at my wits end to please both ends. I am sorry to type such a long post, but i really need advise and help to this issue as one is my baxa, another is my sister.

Would appreciate advise to resolve this issue. I cant move out now as i am currently paying off loans from the bank which i borrowed from the bank for the wedding in vietnam and dowry $10k to baxa mom. So, i am making month end but through this issue, my baxa ask me a couple of times when are we getting a house but stop after i told her when i paid off my loans, she understand

i really cant afford even 5 years down the road at the moment, and currently i am in transition for a new job. Just really down on luck.........

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by littleleroy

Currently, i am caught in between my wife and my family. My wife is in a very bad and hostile relationship withmy sister. we're currently living with my parents and siblings under one roof.

this is very common case...relationship deteriorate because of after birth...think your wife suffered from after birth depression and over protective of baby...typical of VB loving the baby...

I dun think there is an immediate solution but a patient approach...sit down and listen to both sides story...then counsel your sister...request her not to on TV and computer too loudly when baby is trying to sleep...

be more caring and considerate to your baxa...she needs your full support now...if you can afford it bring her to a psychiatrist for counseling...try to help your baxa take care of baby too...

create a routine for the baby...that is play with baby till baby tired then can sleep soundly even with all the noises...not a good time to let baby sleep from 7pm to 10pm...play with the baby and at 10pm full feed bottle and sure baby will sleep very soundly till next morning...dun even bother to feed in between till 6am another round of feed...this way both parents and family have good rest at nite...

[KangTuo]

Originally Posted by littleleroy

i really need advise and help to this issue as one is my baxa, another is my sister.

Would appreciate advise to resolve this issue.

tell your bx to bring baby to room when its time to let baby sleep.
tell your sister to use less of living room and take note of baby sleeping time.

tell both that you are in a difficult situation as you are between them and ask them to understand

[KangTuo]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

create a routine for the baby...

not that easy...
baby create routine for parent tio wu ah...

[naemlo]

Originally Posted by littleleroy

Would appreciate advise to resolve this issue. I cant move out now as i am currently paying off loans from the bank which i borrowed from the bank for the wedding in vietnam and dowry $10k to baxa mom.

It is crazy to borrow money to get married.... and worst, no money still pay 10K for dowry.

Guess your wife after birth is having "mental/emotional disorder".... over protecting her baby and not according to her wish, she will break down. Your sis who is used to her normal life now has to adjust to your wife's demand which definitely will cause conflict.

It is a difficult situation which there is no right solution. Just have to talk to both parties and tolerance is needed from both side.

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by KangTuo

not that easy...
baby create routine for parent tio wu ah...

haha...u are telling me...hehe...up to you to believe...

[FireShark]

Originally Posted by littleleroy

But the thing is...... my baxa relationship with my sister used to be ok but after my kid was born things just turned sour 2 weeks ago when my sister asked me why my baxa is giving her cold shoulders and whenever she sees my sister back, she would bring the baby back into the room.

You should talk to your wife more often to resolve this. I think she having post partum depression. Bring her to see a doctor if possible. You can talk to your sister regarding this. Let her know that your wife may suffer from depression. This will help your wife too

[stabilo@spore]

Originally Posted by littleleroy

Hi Bros,

I just found this forum recently and find it very useful understanding vietnamese spouse better.

Currently, i am caught in between my wife and my family. My wife is in a very bad and hostile relationship withmy sister. we're currently living with my parents and siblings under one roof.

Background
Met my wife in 2011 in J1, fell in love and got married, threw party in Vietnam June 2012. Held ceremony in SG in Feb. Got a kid 3 months old now. We are very happy together!

But the thing is...... my baxa relationship with my sister used to be ok but after my kid was born things just turned sour 2 weeks ago when my sister asked me why my baxa is giving her cold shoulders and whenever she sees my sister back, she would bring the baby back into the room.

I asked my baxa about it and she said its because my sister talks loudly at home, on shows on computer, talk on phone loud affecting the baby's sleep. The next thing i know she confronted my sister about it and they even had a big quarrel about it! im just torned between them. My baxa cried and start banging her head against the cupboard... ouch

During this 2 weeks, my sister was just cold and nonchalent complaining how my baxa acts differently behind my back. My sister promised me to watch her shows and talk on phone in her room, ever since then shes been hiding in the room most of the time.Last saturday night, my sister was watching her shows on the computer in the living room. My baxa was trying to put the baby to sleep in the living room, suddenly, she carried the baby and brought him into the room, she started crying and said - my sister is bullying her, my sister will get karma for whatever shes doing to her and the baby.

I have been consoling and coaxing my baxa. With each telling me their story, i am really confused and at my wits end to please both ends. I am sorry to type such a long post, but i really need advise and help to this issue as one is my baxa, another is my sister.

Would appreciate advise to resolve this issue. I cant move out now as i am currently paying off loans from the bank which i borrowed from the bank for the wedding in vietnam and dowry $10k to baxa mom. So, i am making month end but through this issue, my baxa ask me a couple of times when are we getting a house but stop after i told her when i paid off my loans, she understand

i really cant afford even 5 years down the road at the moment, and currently i am in transition for a new job. Just really down on luck.........

BROTHER,
Why not apply sales of balance flat from HDB? Fast to get a flat of your own and no cash required using CPF except the option fee and minimum furniture purchase . I would also suggest you to rent a room out for extra income. Aferall, you will purchase it soon or later.

Think of this scenario your wife may bring baby back to Vietnam when she can't take it further.

[naemlo]

Originally Posted by stabilo@spore

BROTHER,
Why not apply sales of balance flat from HDB? Fast to get a flat of your own and no cash required using CPF except the option fee and minimum furniture purchase . I would also suggest you to rent a room out for extra income. Aferall, you will purchase it soon or later.

Without a decent saving and still owe money, u suggested to buy a flat?? Min furniture plus misc stuffs will still cost thousands.... U expect to move into a flat with just a mattress n 2 pillows?

[stabilo@spore]

Originally Posted by naemlo

Without a decent saving and still owe money, u suggested to buy a flat?? Min furniture plus misc stuffs will still cost thousands.... U expect to move into a flat with just a mattress n 2 pillows?

Its just a pure suggestion for consideration.
Only himself knows his financial status and decided if its feasible.

[volcano]

Originally Posted by littleleroy

Currently, i am caught in between my wife and my family. My wife is in a very bad and hostile relationship withmy sister.i borrowed from the bank for the wedding in vietnam and dowry $10k to baxa mom.

only ur sis watch tv in the house???...nothing happen between ur wife and ur parents when they watch tv?

why not move the computer into ur sis's room then?

and ask ur wife to let ur kid sleep in the bedroom instead...both parties got to be more considerate in order to have a happy family..i am sure ur incident occurs not bcos ur wife is a Vietnamese..this type of matter can happen in any family with new born baby.

and wow!!!!....ur in laws actually ask for a $10k dowry..

thats the biggest amount that i have known off..lots of my friends marry Vietnamese as well,and usually the dowry is 40 mills Vnd which is about $2.4k.

[KangTuo]

Originally Posted by volcano

lots of my friends marry Vietnamese as well,and usually the dowry is 40 mills Vnd which is about $2.4k.

My in law never ask specifically for dowry... All decided by my bx.
They took all the ang bao money which i dunno how much