Wife & Sex - going through the motion

[charisme]

Originally Posted by Sen5eS

sigh ... the debate goes on and on and on and on ...

This debate will nvr end. haha. Men and women have different thinking.. different views of how marriage is to be like.

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by charisme

but i still think sex is not everything in a marriage...

No one is saying its everything, but its still an important part of marriage...so ask yourselves honestly, are you willing to go through a marriage without any physical intimacy?

[Sen5eS]

so many factors involved lah ... set the mood ... stress at work ... intimacy ... need to sweet talk ... need to remove chores ... hehe yeah ... the list goes on and on just like different situations in a marriage.

It's all subjective imho ... what works for you might not work for others. You just have to hantum bolla until you hit the jackpot ... of course have to be constructive and have a practical approach.

Welcome back Frankie !

[lglg666]

Originally Posted by Frankiestine

No one is saying its everything, but its still an important part of marriage...so ask yourselves honestly, are you willing to go through a marriage without any physical intimacy?

100% agreed....but the sad thing is that sometimes the wifey think differently. Mine is no better.....

[Sen5eS]

Originally Posted by charisme

Marriage is like a building. True love n communication is what keeps it going, the foundation for it to remain strong. making love is the exterior, the designs to beautify it, bringing sparks to it. the kids are the interior. U add them on to ur life when the foundation and exterior are completed. U want to protect them. When the sparks(exterior) wears out. Make an effort to paint it again. Bringing the sparkles back..

Sounds like building maintenance work needs to be done periodically b4 major cracks happen ... so difficult to communicate with so much resentment at times ... sigh

[charisme]

Originally Posted by Frankiestine

No one is saying its everything, but its still an important part of marriage...so ask yourselves honestly, are you willing to go through a marriage without any physical intimacy?

It is not everything.. but did i say there should be none??
I will not have a sexless marriage for sure. but it should not be just based on it.. there should be more to it than just sex. i dont see it as a main priorty. but also not put it as the last.

[Sen5eS]

Originally Posted by hickeybites

My tongue in cheek reply - "Don't be a sex kitten lor. BE THE TIGRESS in the bed instead!" (That earned me a dirty glare )

hahahaha Grrrrrrowl ! Meow !

[analog]

Aiyah......

It takes a woman to take the extremes of a discussion....sigh.

Sex is the glue that holds a marriage together. If there is no sex you are not husband and wife any longer, you some sort of business cum child rearing partners.

To all the IDIOTS that say sex is not all that matters.....once again unto the breach...., what's next, a statement that water is wet? This is what passes for wisdom these days?

We are talking about bros, myself included that, when there was any sex, it was once every 3 months. And this is between bouts of drought from between 6-15 months. Yes, you heard that right, married to a woman and she REFUSES TO HAVE SEX for a period of 15 months. There is a scientific name for that condition:
"BULLSHIT".

Now, for the one or two ladies who have husbands that:
1. Would rather play around then enjoy the home playground,
2. Just want to get it over with and finish,

My heart goes out to you. I can't relate to behaving like that to my wife at all. I think my wife is more sexy now than when we married, its just that she's lost her sex drive and replaced it with Korean/Cantonese videos. Its fine for her but a NIGHTMARE FOR ME.

There are some bad men out there to be sure. Narcissistic wienies that think the world revolves around them and only them, Bill Clinton and Barrack Obama come to mind for example. To think that guys like that are the majority is nonsense.

Its like this:
No-sex, No-marriage. No one marries to be celibate, its ridiculous.

This kind of wraps it up for a man in the modern world:


Cheers,
jim

[analog]

Originally Posted by nuclearkid

If you are screwing to fulfill a quota (of once a month or any other regularity), sex has lost its significance. And if a lack of it fuels suspicions, you don't probably don't trust him/her enough to begin with. As our sex drives naturally plateau and then dip as we progress in age, does it then imply you love/trust your partner less just because the need declines in intensity? Its comes down to a comfort level between two which cannot be established by any other exogenous factors.

Sorry dude, once again, I call bollix!

You should draw pretty flowers around your post, some butterflies etc.

Then we can all join hands and sing kubaya.

Jim

[Sen5eS]

Have to agree with your Bollox ... I dun like Kumbaya ... How about "Pass it On" ?

SEX is part of the glue that holds the marriage / relationship together. Out of the many other factors, it could be a basic NEED that some men and women cannot do w/o ...

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by charisme

It is not everything.. but did i say there should be none??
I will not have a sexless marriage for sure. but it should not be just based on it.. there should be more to it than just sex. i dont see it as a main priorty. but also not put it as the last.

Well good for your man at least he get his shots once in a while and i hope he didn't have to beg for it...so tell me what would you recommend for men in my position where the wife has out rightly declared that she can do without sex and any attempts to woo her are meant with disdain and disgust? Again I ask you ladies, if you chose to be celibate that means no sex whatsoever, then what would be your solution for your man?

[charisme]

Originally Posted by Frankiestine

Well good for your man at least he get his shots once in a while and i hope he didn't have to beg for it...so tell me what would you recommend for men in my position where the wife has out rightly declared that she can do without sex and any attempts to woo her are meant with disdain and disgust? Again I ask you ladies, if you chose to be celibate that means no sex whatsoever, then what would be your solution for your man?

Firstly me and my man are no longer together..

And to ans your question.. If she really doesnt want sex at all.. seriously! Does she know what good wonderful time/activity/weight loss programme she is missing out??? Haha. i got no solution.... sorry... tried to think of something.. but.... no solution..

[peachbloom]

Originally Posted by Frankiestine

And before any women here pass judgment on the monster here, let me say from day one I have been the one to be most actively involved with my kid life...i should know cos i was a stay home dad for 4 years since my oc gave birth...from day 1 she is those sort who takes a hands off approach to everything (she even admit it, come to mommy for fun but daddy for studies)...even till today I am the one that keeps the house in order...first to wake up so as to prepare my kid to school, make the beds (noticed its plural not singular)...drive everyone to school and work then head off to office, after work rush back get dinner fetch kid..weekend...clean up the house...ok she does the occasional cooking during the weekend and the laundry every other days (washing machine not hand washed)...would you believe it even school shoes she dump inside washing machine to wash...

Every time I try to initiate sex, she would give those typical reactions....let me tell you even try to neck her or kiss her...she gives those disgusted look as if I am trying to rape her...don't even talk about groping her breast, she will say no respect for her body...no fingering no necking no petting...so tell me ladies how am i suppose to initiate? How would you feel if you are put in such a position when you try to initiate with your other half...dejected, ego bruise, upset, depress?

wow seriously, if what you sad is true, you are indeed a rare husband! your wifey doesn't know how to appreciate all the good things you have done! with her attitude like this, I won't be suprise the husband will eat out.

[nuclearkid]

Originally Posted by analog

Sorry dude, once again, I call bollix!

You should draw pretty flowers around your post, some butterflies etc.

Then we can all join hands and sing kubaya.

Jim

To each his own, as the saying goes, there are many ways of skinning a cat. If humping is the top of your repertoire, its your bed to lie on. I don't believe in imposing my will on any other person. If you believe you are entitled to your 'matrionial rights' regardless of how its achieved, its your call. For me, I rather not have perfunctory/sympathy sex, if at all. There's a bigger world out there than the heat between the legs and I've got mine under control.

[nuclearkid]

Originally Posted by Sen5eS

Have to agree with your Bollox ... I dun like Kumbaya ... How about "Pass it On" ?

SEX is part of the glue that holds the marriage / relationship together. Out of the many other factors, it could be a basic NEED that some men and women cannot do w/o ...

Maslow's hierarchy of needs comes in 5 levels. This basic need you speak of is more or less at the bottom. Of course, Maslow isn't the only authority out there but its quite widely read and accepted across many disciplines.

The same basic need you speak of...is renounced by...well...emminent monks, priests and a few other groups of historical stalwarts who served mankind with dedication and self-sacrifice. To suggest that humans cannot do without that and function properly is an affront to their way of life. I won't throw names here but you know where this is going. Of course one can point that marriage entitles one to get some...however, there is an alternative opinion that marriage can be for companionship and a pillar of strength for each other.