Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Hurricane88]

Laughter best med...

[MullerDerBomber]

Originally Posted by StrongBrew

A mom shark is teaching her son how to hunt swimmers properly.
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“So, first you go and circle them making sure your fin is showing. And then you go at them full blast and eat them.”

“OK, but why don’t I just go at them full blast and eat them right away?”

“I guess you could, son, but would you really want to eat them with all that shit in their intestines?”

Hahaha scare the shit out first before eating, nice one bro

[StrongBrew]

A man and his wife are getting ready for a gala event. The wife gets into her dress and asks her husband, "Does this make my butt look too big, Derek?"
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The husband sighs and says, "Sweetie, do you promise that you won’t get angry, no matter what I say?"
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The wife gulps and says, "Of course, Derek, I promise, I won’t get angry."
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The husband looks her over from all sides and says, "I slept with your cousin."

[dyelook]

laughter bumps....

[diputs1269]

Originally Posted by StrongBrew

An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.

First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.".

The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore. I just prefer to suck the chocolate around them."

Hahaha nice one.

[eauclaire]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Laughter best med...

Thank you so much for nice joke.

[pinkthunder]

Originally Posted by StrongBrew

A man and his wife are getting ready for a gala event. The wife gets into her dress and asks her husband, "Does this make my butt look too big, Derek?"
-
The husband sighs and says, "Sweetie, do you promise that you won’t get angry, no matter what I say?"
-
The wife gulps and says, "Of course, Derek, I promise, I won’t get angry."
-
The husband looks her over from all sides and says, "I slept with your cousin."

Thanks very much for sharing funny joke.

[HushTug]

Originally Posted by StrongBrew

A man and his wife are getting ready for a gala event. The wife gets into her dress and asks her husband, "Does this make my butt look too big, Derek?"
-
The husband sighs and says, "Sweetie, do you promise that you won’t get angry, no matter what I say?"
-
The wife gulps and says, "Of course, Derek, I promise, I won’t get angry."
-
The husband looks her over from all sides and says, "I slept with your cousin."

Nice share bro, thanks!

[ilovelife.now]

A woman was having an affair without her husband's knowledge.

One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.

“Oh My God – Hurry! Grab your clothes,” she yelled to her lover. “And jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”

"I can’t jump out the window. It’s raining out there.!"

"If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!!" she replied.

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window.

As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to “blend in” as best he could.

After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

“Do you always run in the nude?” one asked.

“Oh yes” he replied, gasping in air.

Another runner moved alongside. “Do you always run carrying your clothes under your arm?”

“Oh, yes” he answered breathlessly. “That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”

“Only if it’s raining.”

[bigbirdbird]

[dunic]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Haha nice one bro

[Lewislow]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Wahahaha all so funny!! Thanks

[titleistball]

Originally Posted by ilovelife.now

A woman was having an affair without her husband's knowledge.

One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.

Thank you for nice joke!
Hope to read more.

[mazdarx3]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Laughter best med...

Excellent joke and thanks.

[StrongBrew]

My wife died a few months ago. Ever since I’ve been a total mess… no sleep, weight loss, bloodshot eyes, unlaundered clothes… The other day my best friend told me “Steve, you’ve got to stop partying!”