Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread] - Page 779

Hurricane88 · #**11671** 20-03-2020, 03:53 PM

Hilarious ...
Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.

Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband shouted , "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.

A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a ghost, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll Give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for! the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the ghost. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"

"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the ghost asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the ghost said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire,burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, ghost?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband.

"I'd do the same for you!" So the ghost and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon. The ghost was insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop fun, the ghost looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
ghost smile –

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Really???

Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in ghosts???😂

bigbirdbird · #**11672** 21-03-2020, 03:08 PM

Doctor Appointment

Vicki was still feeling a bit weak and not up to par after her recent bout with the flu and went to see her doctor.

After a quick examination, he said, "You look weak and exhausted! What have you been doing? Are you getting out in the fresh air, getting enough exercise, and having your meals 4 times a day, as I advised on your last visit?"

Vicki, looked up, a bit surprised and exclaimed, "Oh doc, I've sure been getting the first two, but on that last one, I woulda swore you said four males a day!"

bigbirdbird · #**11673** 21-03-2020, 03:16 PM

An Affair with His Nurse

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant.

Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

“But how will I let you know the baby is born?” she asked.

He replied, “Just send me a postcard and write ‘spaghetti’ on the back. I’ll take care of expenses..”

Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor’s wife called him at the office

and explained, “Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today

from Europe, and I don’t understand what it means.”

The doctor said, “Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.”

Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife.

He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So, the wife picked up the card and read, “‘Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with sausage and meatballs, two without’.”

BarringtonPlace · #**11674** 21-03-2020, 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Doctor Appointment

Vicki was still feeling a bit weak and not up to par after her recent bout with the flu and went to see her doctor.

After a quick examination, he said, "You look weak and exhausted! What have you been doing? Are you getting out in the fresh air, getting enough exercise, and having your meals 4 times a day, as I advised on your last visit?"

Vicki, looked up, a bit surprised and exclaimed, "Oh doc, I've sure been getting the first two, but on that last one, I woulda swore you said four males a day!"

Nice share bro, thanks!

JJMagic · #**11675** 22-03-2020, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Doctor Appointment

Vicki was still feeling a bit weak and not up to par after her recent bout with the flu and went to see her doctor.

After a quick examination, he said, "You look weak and exhausted! What have you been doing? Are you getting out in the fresh air, getting enough exercise, and having your meals 4 times a day, as I advised on your last visit?"

Vicki, looked up, a bit surprised and exclaimed, "Oh doc, I've sure been getting the first two, but on that last one, I woulda swore you said four males a day!"

lol... this is funny.

Hurricane88 · #**11676** 23-03-2020, 09:37 AM

Covid-19 jokes...

nCoV · #**11677** 23-03-2020, 10:08 AM

Quote: