Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

When you are bored just think about a few things that don't make sense ... like ⤵️ 🤔

1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent" — the S or the C?

3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

4. Why is the letter W in English called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?

5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

6. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

7. The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims"

8. 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

9. If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.

10. At a movie theatre, which arm rest is yours?

11. If people evolve from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?

12. Why is there a 'D' in fridge,

but not in refrigerator?

13. Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?

14. Wonder why the word funeral starts with FUN?

15. Why isn't a Fireman called a Water-man?

16. How come Lipstick doesn't do what it says?

17. If money doesn't grow on trees, how come Banks have Branches?

18. If a Vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a Humanitarian eat?

19. How do you get off a non-stop Flight?

20. Why are goods sent by ship called CARGO and those sent by truck SHIPMENT?

21. Why do we put cups in the dishwasher and the dishes in the Cupboard?

22. Why do doctors 'practise' medicine? Are they having practice at the cost of the patients?

23. Why is it called 'Rush Hour' when traffic moves at its slowest then?

24. How come Noses run and Feet smell?

25. Why do they call it a TV 'set' when there is only one?

26. What are you vacating when you go on a vacation?

We can never find the answers, can we?

So just enjoy the pun and fun of the English language!!!

👻🤣🤡👻🤣🤡👻🤣🤡

[etsys]

Just two from me

[Technician82]

Real life that happened to me.

There was a time when I was in a shop with my girl friend. I went over to other section and browse some items. A lady suddenly hold my arm and said "what are you looking at?" I turn around and told the lady and asked "do I know you?" She quickly release her hand and I saw her boyfriend laughing away. She apologize to me and quickly smack her boyfriend.

[Hurricane88]

*The donkey said to the tiger, 'The grass is blue.' Tiger said, 'No grass is green.'*
*Then the argument between the two became intense. Both of them are firm in their own words. To end this controversy, both went to Lion – King of Jungle.*

*In the middle of the animal kingdom, sitting on the throne was the lion. The donkey started yelling before the tiger could say anything. “Your Highness, the grass is blue, isn’t it?” Lion said, 'Yes! The grass is blue.'*

*Donkey, 'This tiger does not believe. Annoys me. He should be punished properly.' The king declared, 'Tiger will be jailed for a year. King's verdict was heard by donkey and he was jumping in joy in jungle.... The tiger was sentenced to one-year jail.*

*The Tiger went to the Lion and asked, 'Why Your Highness! Grass is green, isn’t it? ' Lion said, 'Yes! Grass is green.'* *Tiger said, '... then why am I sentenced to jail?'*

*Lion said, “you did not get punished for the grass being blue or green. You have been punished for debating with that stupid donkey. Brave and intelligent creatures like you have argued with a donkey and have come here to get a decision”.*

*Moral of the story ....... In the next General Election give your vote to the best candidate .... just don’t debate with donkeys or you will be punished for the next 5 years.*

[SBMEDSUP]

Originally Posted by Technician82

Real life that happened to me.

There was a time when I was in a shop with my girl friend. I went over to other section and browse some items. A lady suddenly hold my arm and said "what are you looking at?" I turn around and told the lady and asked "do I know you?" She quickly release her hand and I saw her boyfriend laughing away. She apologize to me and quickly smack her boyfriend.

Not sure is a joke?

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[Hurricane88]

Something to keep you in good mood on a Monday

How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side
*****************
I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work
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How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it
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Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen
*******************
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter
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Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
******************
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any
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What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe
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I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case
*******************
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
*******************
A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils
*******************
She had a photographic memory but never developed it
*******************
Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care
******************
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind
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Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
*******************
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve
*******************
The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize
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I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
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Need an ark? I Noah guy
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I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure
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Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed
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What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine
******************
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus

[Neoguri]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Something to keep you in good mood on a Monday
....
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus

Witty and nice!

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[ShannonU2000]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

*The donkey said to the tiger, 'The grass is blue.' Tiger said, 'No grass is green.'*
*Then the argument between the two became intense. Both of them are firm in their own words. To end this controversy, both went to Lion – King of Jungle.*

*In the middle of the animal kingdom, sitting on the throne was the lion. The donkey started yelling before the tiger could say anything. “Your Highness, the grass is blue, isn’t it?” Lion said, 'Yes! The grass is blue.'*

*Donkey, 'This tiger does not believe. Annoys me. He should be punished properly.' The king declared, 'Tiger will be jailed for a year. King's verdict was heard by donkey and he was jumping in joy in jungle.... The tiger was sentenced to one-year jail.*

*The Tiger went to the Lion and asked, 'Why Your Highness! Grass is green, isn’t it? ' Lion said, 'Yes! Grass is green.'* *Tiger said, '... then why am I sentenced to jail?'*

*Lion said, “you did not get punished for the grass being blue or green. You have been punished for debating with that stupid donkey. Brave and intelligent creatures like you have argued with a donkey and have come here to get a decision”.*

*Moral of the story ....... In the next General Election give your vote to the best candidate .... just don’t debate with donkeys or you will be punished for the next 5 years.*

Haha very good one!

[SBMEDSUP]

Thank you for jokes.

[Masterl23]

Originally Posted by etsys

Good share bro, this is so true. :-)

[Hurricane88]

I met a surgeon who named his son NAIF (pronounced KNIFE). I said what an apt name.

There are some people who name their children according to their professions:

1 LAWYER'S DAUGHTER= SUE
2 RADIOLOGIST'S SON= RAY
3 OPHTHALMOLOGIST"S DAUGHTER= IRIS
4 FLORIST'S DAUGHTER= ROSE
5 MECHANIC'S SON= JACK
6 ARCHEOLOGIST'S SON= DOUG
7 THIEF'S SON= ROB
8 GYMNAST'S SON= JIM
9 JEWELLER'S TWIN GIRLS= RUBY & PEARL
10 ORNITHOLOGIST'S SON= ROBIN
11 ORTHOPEDICIAN'S SON= BONEY
12 BARBER'S SON= HARRY
13 SOLICITOR'S SON= WILL
14 ACCOUNTANT'S SON= BILL
15 HORTICULTURIST'S DAUGHTER= IVY
16 GARDENER'S SON= PETE
17 MONARCH'S SON= PRINCE
18 DRAMATIST'S DAUGHTER= OPRAH
19 SANITATION ENGR'S SON= JOHN
20 HIGHWAY ENGR'S SON= MILES
21 DIETICIAN'S DAUGHTER= OLIVE
22 ACTOR'S SON= OSCAR

😊😊😊

👍👆PHARMACIST'S DAUGHTER = MADISON

[Hurricane88]

*Sex in the Dark*
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.
She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming,
romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator!
Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic.
'You impotent pig ,' She screamed at him, 'How could you be lying to me all of these years?
You better explain yourself!'
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
'I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids.'
Send this to your good friends and let them have a laugh !!!