Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[UncleHasBeen]

This guy is a keeper, no?

[dyelook]

...😁😁😁...

[Sbfericsbf]

Good laughs…

[Hurricane88]

🇬🇧

Ah Chai and his wife go visit a marriage counselor.

First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone.d

The counselor asks, "You say you've been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problems?"

The wife replies, "It's my husband, he's driving me crazy! I'm going to leave him if he continues!"

"How does he drive you crazy?"

"For 20 years," she says, "he's been doing these stupid things. First, whenever we go out, he's always looking at the floor and refuses to go near anyone. It's very embarrassing."

The marriage counselor is amused, "Anything else?"

"He keeps picking his nose all the time! Even in public !"

"Hmm, anything else?"

The wife hesitates, "whenever we're making love, he NEVER lets me be on top! Once in a while, I'd like to be in control !"

"Ah," says the counselor, "I think I'll talk to your husband now."

So the wife goes out of the room and the husband enters. The counselor tells him, "Your wife says that you've been driving her crazy and she might even leave you."

The husband looks shocked, "WHAT? For 20 years I've been loving and considerate and I've always given her what she wants! What could be her problem?"

The counselor explains, "She says that you've got these habits that are driving her crazy. First, you're always acting strange in public, looking at the floor and never going near anyone else."

Ah Chai looks concerned, "Oh, you don't understand! It's one of the few things my father told me to do in his deathbed and I swore I'd obey everything he said."

"What did he say?"

"He said that I should never step on anyone's toes!"

The counselor looks amused, "Actually, that means that you should not do anything that would cause anyone else to get angry."

The husband looks sheepish, "Oh.That's what he meant. Okay."

The counselor continues, "And you keep picking your nose in public."

"Well, it’s another thing my father specifically commanded me to do! He told me to always keep my nose clean."

The counselor looks faint, "That means that you should not indulge in any criminal activity."

"Oh," says the husband looking very stupid.

"And finally, she says that you never allow her to be on top during your lovemaking."

"This," says the husband seriously,"is the last thing my father commanded me to do on his deathbed and it's the most important thing."

"What did he say?"

Ah Chai replies: "In his dying breath, he said. "Son, Don't fuck up!"
🤭🤔🥵😅😅🌹🙏🍒😅🍺🍻

[candeo_88]

Very wise words from the Father indeed...

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

🇬🇧

Ah Chai and his wife go visit a marriage counselor.

First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone.d

The counselor asks, "You say you've been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problems?"

The wife replies, "It's my husband, he's driving me crazy! I'm going to leave him if he continues!"

"How does he drive you crazy?"

"For 20 years," she says, "he's been doing these stupid things. First, whenever we go out, he's always looking at the floor and refuses to go near anyone. It's very embarrassing."

The marriage counselor is amused, "Anything else?"

"He keeps picking his nose all the time! Even in public !"

"Hmm, anything else?"

The wife hesitates, "whenever we're making love, he NEVER lets me be on top! Once in a while, I'd like to be in control !"

"Ah," says the counselor, "I think I'll talk to your husband now."

So the wife goes out of the room and the husband enters. The counselor tells him, "Your wife says that you've been driving her crazy and she might even leave you."

The husband looks shocked, "WHAT? For 20 years I've been loving and considerate and I've always given her what she wants! What could be her problem?"

The counselor explains, "She says that you've got these habits that are driving her crazy. First, you're always acting strange in public, looking at the floor and never going near anyone else."

Ah Chai looks concerned, "Oh, you don't understand! It's one of the few things my father told me to do in his deathbed and I swore I'd obey everything he said."

"What did he say?"

"He said that I should never step on anyone's toes!"

The counselor looks amused, "Actually, that means that you should not do anything that would cause anyone else to get angry."

The husband looks sheepish, "Oh.That's what he meant. Okay."

The counselor continues, "And you keep picking your nose in public."

"Well, it’s another thing my father specifically commanded me to do! He told me to always keep my nose clean."

The counselor looks faint, "That means that you should not indulge in any criminal activity."

"Oh," says the husband looking very stupid.

"And finally, she says that you never allow her to be on top during your lovemaking."

"This," says the husband seriously,"is the last thing my father commanded me to do on his deathbed and it's the most important thing."

"What did he say?"

Ah Chai replies: "In his dying breath, he said. "Son, Don't fuck up!"
🤭🤔🥵😅😅🌹🙏🍒😅🍺🍻

[dualiapa]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Ah Chai replies: "In his dying breath, he said. "Son, Don't fuck up!"
🤭🤔🥵😅😅🌹🙏🍒😅🍺🍻

Wahahaa this is fucking funny

[WOOHOO]

WOO loving it @Hurricane88 ❤️

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by WOOHOO

WOO loving it @Hurricane88 ❤️

You most welcome...

[Hurricane88]

[WOOHOO]

😆 🤣 😂 😹 😆 🤣 😂

[Hurricane88]

Ah Beng joke...

Ah Beng standing below a light with open mouth.
Why?
Because his doctor advised him: 'Today's dinner should be light!' 😃

On a romantic date, Ah Beng' 's gf asked him:
'Darling, On our engagement will you give me a ring?'
He said: 'Sure, What's your phone no.?' 😀

Ah Beng found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What will come first, chicken or egg?
He replied, what ever u order first will come first.
😀

A Teacher told all her students to write an essay about a cricket match.
All the students got busy writing except Ah Beng.
He wrote:'Due To Rain, No Match!' 😀

Ah Beng & wife bought coffee at a shop.
Ah Beng drank it quickly before it got cold.
His wife ask why did he drink it so fast?
Ah Beng: Hot coffee cost $5 & cold coffee cost $10.
😀

What happens when Ah Beng's wife delivers twins????
He did not sleep d whole night thinking who is the father of the second child. 😝

Manager asked Ah Beng at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Ah Beng replied:
P-O-S-T-B-O-X.
😃

After returning from a foreign trip, Ah Beng asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! But Why?
Ah Beng: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
😁😉

Interviewer: just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, and it caught fire, how will you escape?
Ah Beng: it's simple. I will stop my Imagination!!!
😝😜✌

Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA, RAM, GANDHI and BUDDHA?"
Ah Beng: "All are born on government holidays..!
😭😂✨

Sir: What is the difference between an Orange and an Apple?
Ah Beng: The color of an orange is Orange, but the color of an Apple is not APPLE
👏✋😜😝✨

Dont laugh alone if you find is funny then share 😉😜

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[dyelook]

...😁😁😁...

[candeo_88]

Two terrorists were driving to the location where they intended to plant a bomb, which one of them had in his lap.

Drive a little faster, the bomb may go off any minute, said the man carrying the explosive.

Don t worry, the driver assured him, we have got a spare one in the boot.

[candeo_88]

*HONEYMOON....*
>
>
> A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were
> spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne
> and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.
>
> "I had tolio as a child," he answered.
>
> "You mean polio?" she asked.
>
> "No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."
>
> When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked "What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!"
>
> "As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
>
> "You mean measles?" she asked.
>
> "No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."
>
> The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.
>
> As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
>
> "Don't tell me," she said.
>
> "Let me guess...
>
> .
>
> .
>
> .
>
> .
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> *
>
> Smallcox*