Woman who saw daughter, 13, having sex on video: I have failed as a mother

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An honorable member of the Coffee Shop Has Just Posted the Following:

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As she watched her 13-year-old daughter having sex in a video, the mother blamed herself more than the girl.

She said that her first thought was to tell herself not to be angry with her daughter, who is now 15.

"I feel guilty because it's my fault for giving her a broken family," said Cindy (not her real name), who is divorced.

The mother and daughter cannot be identified as the girl could be the victim of a sexual offence.

Cindy, a real estate agent, added: "A broken family was not her choice. It's my fault, my mistake, for even allowing her to have a boyfriend at that time."

She had told the couple to avoid body contact, and the boy, then 16, had promised her that it would be a simple relationship.

"I allowed him, I welcomed him into my home. It was naive of me. I have failed as a mother."

Cindy said she found out about the three-minute video when she saw screenshots from it after her daughter's school contacted her about it last year.

But the impact of what her daughter did hit her only when she watched the video this year after a friend, who had recognised her daughter, sent her a link.

Asked why she had watched the video, she said: "I wanted to figure out when the video was taken, and where.

"From the curtains (in the video), I could tell it was in my home when she was in Secondary One."

The video was first uploaded to social media sites in the middle of last year and was taken down after her daughter's school found out about it. Cindy reported the video to the police, who are investigating her daughter's ex-boyfriend as she was a minor at the time.

The video and screenshots from it recently resurfaced on social media and pornographic sites.

Cindy believes that some students in her daughter's school are allegedly behind the video resurfacing. She has made a fresh police report about this but feels there is little else she can do.

The school principal said she could not comment on the case as it is under police investigation.

Cindy does not want her daughter to continue studying at the school, but the teenager has insisted on remaining there as she is preparing for her O levels this year.

"I am worried because she has not been living in peace for the longest time. I don't know how much more my girl can take," she said.

"I don't blame her. She was ignorant."

Worried that it would be impossible to remove the video from the Internet completely, Cindy added: "My daughter has paid for her mistake, but her friends and family are still behind her.

"She has yet to overcome her fear and trauma. As a mother, I feel it too. I feel all her pain."

All Cindy wants now is for this episode to end so that her daughter can focus on her O levels and move on.

"I want her to get up. To be brave and stand up again. I want so badly to hug her, but she feels so awkward."

She said that while she was upset with her daughter, she has forgiven her.

"Mothers always forgive their children, no matter how hurt we are," she said.

"There are no words, there's just no way I can express how much I love my daughter.

"I just want this to end, and I hope she doesn't blame me."

I allowed him, I welcomed him into my home. It was naive of me.

Lawyers: Ex and those who leaked video broke law

The former boyfriend and those who uploaded the video online could be punished under the law.

Criminal lawyer Rajan Supramaniam from Hilborne Law said that while the sex was consensual, the ex-boyfriend could be charged with rape as he was 16 at the time while the girl, at 13, was a minor.

"He exploited her innocence, but the police will have to investigate further," he said.

"Depending on whether they decide to charge him with rape or carnal connection, the penalties will be different."

If charged with carnal connection, as he is under 21, the youth will likely be given probation.

"If the boy is charged with rape, then probation is still possible," Mr Rajan said.

"But most likely, he will get reformative training."

As for those who allegedly uploaded or circulated the videos, lawyer Louis Joseph from Regent Law said they could be charged under the new harassment law that has just come into effect.

"Charging them under the Protection from Harassment Act means they could face a fine of not more than $5,000, a jail term of not more than six months, or both," he said.

"They can also be charged with possession of child pornography if they have the video."

He said that the offending parties, including the ex-boyfriend, are likely to be given fines and probation.

"Anyone under 21 will most likely just be given probation and a fine," he said.

"It is at the discretion of the police and depends on the circumstances of the incidents."

Ex: didn't put video online

The boy behind the sex video has confirmed that he is being investigated by the police.

When The New Paper contacted him on Thursday, he said he felt guilty and regretted his actions at the time.

The teenager, who's now 18, said he had taken the video, but insisted he had not put it online.

"It was leaked. I didn't put it online," he said.

Asked how the video, which was taken two years ago, was leaked, he would only say: "I'm under investigation."

He fears he will be charged.

He said he has to report to the police station every month.

A police spokesman said investigations are ongoing.

MOE: Schools will look into cases

As the case is under police investigation, the school cannot comment on it, the principal said in an e-mail reply to The New Paper yesterday.

The principal said: "We will continue to do everything we can to ensure the school provides a safe and caring environment to support the holistic development of every child.

"The school management has also reminded the general student community to be respectful and responsible when engaging in online activities."

A Ministry of Education spokesman said the school was working closely with the students and their parents.

Schools will immediately investigate and follow up on all cases of ill-discipline, including bullying, she said.

"Our schools continue to emphasise the teaching and inculcation of empathy and discipline, as well as values such as respect, care, harmony and resilience to our students," the spokesman added.

"In addition, students are taught that in their activities online, they should also be mindful to observe the law.

"Instilling good values in our students is a shared responsibility among parents, schools and the community.

"It is therefore important for schools, families and the community to work together to instil discipline and develop good character in our students."


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