How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by Frankiestine

...so that my secret to been a good hubby, the 4 basic Ls...Loong, Lim, Lum, Loot...

Good One! Tried that and almost became an alcoholic and serial philanderer.

Loon too long now and became irreversibly irritated at whatever my OC does. I've now come to terms and live and let live. Don't bother about anything now and focus all attention to giving my kid a good life.

Originally Posted by surfer888

focus all attention to giving my kid a good life.

Good Idea! Our kids are always priority in the end. Hope to pass them the wisdom to avoid our own mistakes.

[doggifier]

A LITTLE JOKE on SAME TOPIC TO SHARE

During a Male only marriage counseling session

COUNCELOR : Can I have a shown of hands how many of you here have sex everyday
About 5 men raise their hands and had a BIG GRIN on their face
COUNCELOR : Can I now have shown of hands how many of you have sex a few times a week
Another few raise their hands and the men had a SMILE on their face

The Question goes on, each time the duration gets longer. It is clear now that the Longer the duration between SEX the men expression change from BIG GRIN to BIG SMILE to SMILE to QUIETto SAD to DEPRESS as the duration gets longer . And the atmosphere grew quiet and dim…

Then the final Question : HOW MANY OF U HAS SEX ONCE A YEAR
THEN SUDDENLY A MAN SHOT HIS ARM UP VERY EXCITED AND GRINING FROM EAR TO EAR
Everyone was surprise to see such a change of mood from this poor man.
COUNCELSOR : Can you tell us what make you so excited

EXCITED MAN : It’s Today…It’s Today…it’s Today

bro doggifier,

the joke was funny for a second then make me sad liao coz wondering if tonight is the night for me too haaaiiizzzz......

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by surfer888

just had it a few more times to have a child in an attempt to save the marriage..... the marriage continued downhill but the child should not suffer for the parent's mistakes.

Bro that is the biggest mistake a couple should do, having a kid to save a marriage...cos if things dun turn out right and if both parents cannot sort out their thinking, the kid end up bearing the brunt of both parents mistake..i always feel the best time for a couple to divorce is when there are no emotional tags holding them back, such as kids..

Originally Posted by Rainman

So what's up with your girl? latest development/

Answering the ladies. I guess it's a matter of feeling inferior when their job status or performance are concerned.

Have the ladies given some thought about this??

Problem with Asian, we do not discuss our problem but confide in a friend who give shit idea at times....

Cheers

Hi bro rainman,

Well, we are ok... I sam still looking for marriage councillor but dunno where to find one... I told my gf but she said no need waste money. I insist she got nothing to say then she became very nice nice and sweet to me but no effect hehe.. Anyway she is back to her old self liao still ok la... sigh... very busy these days with work so didnt think much abt it...

Anyway I worry abt what bro surfer888 said... it is very true that having a kid to save marriage should not be the right thing to do but I have heard that half the time it works. In fact, we have visited feng shui master. He said my gf has a 'wong tai' life (King's life) meaning she usually gets what she wanted no matter how ridiculous. The feng shui master actually told her not to be demanding but I guess she isnt listening... The feng shui master also said we should have a kid as early as possible... but I worry abt the consequences ... maybe I worry too much I dont know...

I would appreciate if any bro can introduce a good marriage councillor to me... Thanks in advance!

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by klzombie

In fact, we have visited feng shui master. He said my gf has a 'wong tai' life (King's life) meaning she usually gets what she wanted no matter how ridiculous. The feng shui master actually told her not to be demanding but I guess she isnt listening... The feng shui master also said we should have a kid as early as possible... but I worry abt the consequences ... maybe I worry too much I dont know...

I would appreciate if any bro can introduce a good marriage councillor to me... Thanks in advance!

Bro the marriage is yours to make it work, dun leave it in the hands of some feng shui master, even if you find a counsellor, it might not means the marriage is going to work especially if one party is not putting in the effort to make it work..

my ex-oc and I attended "Retrovaillle"..i dun know if it is the correct spelling as it has been donkey years since i attended it..basically it is a marriage counselling retreat that is conducted by the catholic church for catholic couples whose marriage has ran aground..well all i can said was my heart was no longer in the marriage, so despite all the efforts taken, in the end it still failed..truth the session made me realise certain things about myself and that I was all along not happy being in the marriage but not so much with my ex oc but my own life..in the end my ex-oc realise that too and she knew she had to let me go..

[BustLover]

Originally Posted by klzombie

.. it is very true that having a kid to save marriage should not be the right thing to do but I have heard that half the time it works. In fact, we have visited feng shui master. He said my gf has a 'wong tai' life (King's life) meaning she usually gets what she wanted no matter how ridiculous. The feng shui master actually told her not to be demanding but I guess she isnt listening... The feng shui master also said we should have a kid as early as possible... but I worry abt the consequences ... maybe I worry too much I dont know...

You should only have kid when either one of you love children and the marriage is a happy one. This way, when the marriage is on the rock, for the sake of the children, hopefully both adult can weigh the consequences and remain in union.

Even with a happy marriage, having kid may sometimes cause the happy couple to drift apart. Most of the times, the wife will focus and care more on the children and start to neglect the husband. All of a sudden, the life style change drastically and the couple must be able to adjust to the new addition to the family. More responsibilities, financial burdens and less freedom.
(Eg, baby refuses to sleep alone and insist to sleep with Mother etc...)

But, if the marraige is already on the rock and the couple is childless, I sincerely hope that none of the party think of conceiving a kid to save the marriage. Not only it fails, it will only add more misery to everybody.

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by Frankiestine

Bro that is the biggest mistake a couple should do, having a kid to save a marriage...cos if things dun turn out right and if both parents cannot sort out their thinking, the kid end up bearing the brunt of both parents mistake..i always feel the best time for a couple to divorce is when there are no emotional tags holding them back, such as kids..

On hindsight, definitely agree. It was definitely a big mistake to have a child to save a marriage... doesn't work that way. No turning back now that the kid's around. I've figured that I'll have to bite the bullet and see the marriage through for the kid's sake. Like I said before, the kid should not suffer for the parent's mistakes.

Anyway, I'm adjusting to life... coping with the unbearable wife and enjoying my time with the kid. Everytime I look at my child playing, I have no other regrets.

As for the wife, I can always "tao jiak". Lots of opportunity for that as both of us travel to different countries for work frequently. Nevertheless, there's more to life than just a "wife"!

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by BustLover

But, if the marraige is already on the rock and the couple is childless, I sincerely hope that none of the party think of conceiving a kid to save the marriage. Not only it fails, it will only add more misery to everybody.

Totally Agree! All hands, legs and dick raised in agreement!

Been there, done that and... boy... BIG MISTAKE!

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by Frankiestine

my ex-oc and I attended "Retrovaillle"..i dun know if it is the correct spelling

That's the one in Punggol together with EE and ME, right?

[5ag1_Boar]

It's Retrouvaille. I went through it too. It can only help if both parties are really interested in patching things up. I think too that the first part of the program (2 days, 3 nights weekend retreat in Punggol) can make a huge difference whether some one wants to go n or not. For a measly $50, it's worth a shot, especially for you children's sake (if any) and if you once truly loved your each other.

The program is not to convince you stay in your marriage, but to help you fix your marriage if you so choose to. They things you learn and experience in the program may open your eyes about your relationship and help you decide.

No, it did not work for me, because my heart was not in it. But it worked for the majority of the couples that were in the same batch as me.

It is by the Family Life Society, which is a Catholic based group, but it is not restricted to Catholic couples only. Even if both parties are not Catholic, they may attend. There are some religious elements, but no attempts will be made to convert anyone. Suffice to say, you will feel uncomfortable because you are not Catholic.

Yes, they are related to the people who run the Marriage Encounter and Engagement Encounter.

[Frankiestine]

Originally Posted by surfer888

That's the one in Punggol together with EE and ME, right?

yup right at the end of punggol...literally no contacts with the outside world for a couple of days..wat the ME and EE...refresh me on that...

ps...tks to sagiboar explanantion, yeah EE and ME, that we went thru too but still there is no guarantee that the marriage will still work out..

[Clonie]

i think it's rather sad that you have endure a life living with a a husband/wife that you find unbearable and no longer desirable..makes you wonder y did you guys want to get married in the 1st place..sex is one of the most intimate time with your spouse..its 1 of the more effective ways to bond emotionally n physically..it's sad when either party loses the interest to do it and we have to "tao jiak" outside..cos you can satisfy yourself physically but not emotionally..

[Bronco]

Originally Posted by surfer888

Very similar situation. Just staying on for the kid's sake.

In fact, went steady with my then-gf for more than 10 years but only had sex for the 5 yrs (plenty of it. about 10x a week). Stopped having sex after that till we got married and just had it a few more times to have a child in an attempt to save the marriage but stopped completely after the child was born. Big mistake... the marriage continued downhill but the child should not suffer for the parent's mistakes.

Now, like you, living separately in the same house, different beds. Still have to behave like a happily married man and provide for the family (time and money). Still have the downs of marriage but no ups of singlehood. Make a mistake, pay for life but that's life!

Have been "tao jiak" outside ever since marriage but have now cut down casual sex to a bare minimum (around 5x a year) as I feel guilty to the kid and also the fear of catching diseases that may ruin my ability to provide comfortably for the kid. Not all's lost anyway, still can go for HJ and BM at massage parlors!

Up you for sharing the same predicament!

Bro surfer, tks for ur pts ...b4 i post my pain in heart story in here been carried in my mind for so many yrs, wonder any bros suffered same like me or not.
Since we r same boat.. Salute u for being endured so long like me still love the family and care for ur kid future too.
Next time u wan to cheong , pls invite me hor..let enjoy and celebrate our 'lonelyhood or singlehood' togather...hehehehhe Dun do DIY too often not good for health!!! We got for real action and play safe too...
Will up ur pts too for taking the same boat for so many yrs..any bros wan to join our boat.. Let name the boat as "love Boat" ...cheers!!!