How To Rectify PreMature Ejaculation

[thaivisitor]

The skill of ejaculation control

In the end, you are going to have to learn how to control your arousal and your ejaculation. Though this requires some commitment, it's not the kind of work that is difficult, unappealing or boring! In fact, it can be good for a couple who do these exercises together - it can bring you much closer, and you can experience new levels of intimacy. And if a woman is fulfilled by experiencing cuddles, closeness, and perhaps an orgasm through oral sex before you begin, she is likely to be helpful and supportive. As a man you may have to realize that this is not, for once, a problem you can solve on your own - after all, it's your partner's vagina where you prematurely ejaculate, and you need your partner's support, not to mention the use of her vagina, to learn how to control it. Communication and love (or at least mutual respect and a feeling you're going for the same end point) are important here.

If you can get an erection whenever you want sex and you are just troubled by premature ejaculation, you can skip the next few articles and go to the start of the exercises on ejaculation control.

If you are having difficulty getting an erection, the next article is important to you.

Coming Next - If you're having erection problems
thaivisitor

[thaivisitor]

If you're having erection problems

Men who come too quickly may get so anxious about their ejaculation that after a while they can't get an erection. Anxiety is the enemy of erections - so worrying about getting hard usually means you won't get hard! If you have erection difficulties, you need to learn how to control your anxiety and get your erection back.

The first possible solution is to try Viagra or some other proven erection enhancer like Magix. This is often a good enough confidence booster to enable you to get hard again.

The next method is somewhat lengthier than popping a pill, but it's fun and enjoyable. But before we start, it's worth dispelling a few myths. There are lots of things that men believe about themselves that are just not true.
Here are some statements that I think it's helpful to keep in mind as you work through your sexual issues:

• It is not a man's responsibility to satisfy a woman - at best, sex confers a joint responsibility to seek out pleasure on both partners.
• A big erect penis is not essential to a woman's sexual pleasure. A soft or semi-hard penis is not a disaster, no matter how often it happens.
• A woman may or may not prefer penetrative sex to everything else. Often she just enjoys being emotionally and physically close to her partner.
• A man is a not a constant sex machine and he cannot always get an erection, but even so, he and his partner can still enjoy sexual pleasure.
• The failure to get an erection from time to time is quite normal. It happens to all men. It says nothing about one's masculinity.
• Sexual activity changes with age, but is still just as enjoyable. It may take longer to get erect and require physical stimulation to do so, but a man's orgasms can be just as intense, and a woman is likely to be more satisfied with the gentler pace and sensitivity of a more mature man. Erections may be softer than before, yet they provide all the physical pleasure of the rock hard penis of youth.

Coming Next - How to get your erection back - whatever the reason it's gone away!
thaivisitor

[thaivisitor]

How to get your erection back - whatever the reason it's gone away!

To do this, you can use a gentle loving process called Sensate Focus. All this means is that you get close to your partner and caress them without the expectation of sex.

Sensate focus allows couples to concentrate on touching, not the sex act, and it's a rewarding thing to give and receive. It's sensual rather than sexual pleasure, but it fulfills a deep need to be touched - present from birth in all of us, but very often neglected or ignored, especially by men - and it communicates very effectively that someone cares deeply about us. Further, delicate touch reduces tension, and when it is made clear that the goal of the touching is not to be sexual, but just to be touched and enjoy the feelings, performance anxiety is lessened. You do not need an erection, and your partner should not expect you to get one; and because orgasm is forbidden, sexual pressure is off. And mutual touching and caressing in an atmosphere of trust will reduce your inhibitions and anxiety.

Sensate Focus is a great way to deal with loss of erection caused by anxiety, and it will certainly increase a couple's sense of affection and the strength of their bond. (And if a couple doesn’t like each other, they probably won't be able to do the exercises, which might help them move on and find more appropriate partners.) So, how do you do it?

Sensate Focus - the Loving Touch

It's simple, but sex is not allowed! Even if you find what follows very arousing, forget orgasms and intercourse for the moment.

Start by deciding who is going to receive the pleasurable touch first. For the process to work, it's best that you're both committed to it, and therefore it needs some time set aside without fear of interruption or distraction.

The person who is going to receive the touch of their partner lies on their stomach, naked, warm, and comfortable. Let's assume that you, the man, are receiving first. Think of giving yourself up to the experience. Your partner will caress you gently, stroking along your body from top to toe. She starts with the back of your head, ears and neck. Her caresses should be gentle and tender, delivered with care and love or affection. She can use her lips, tongue or fingers, the palms of her hands or the balls of her thumbs - whatever she wants. This experience is about your pleasure, so don't worry about whether she feels bored or tired. (She can always tell you if she feels that way.) Instead, concentrate on what it's like to receive this gentle touch, focusing on the experience and the sensations in your skin wherever she is touching you. If your mind wanders, just bring it back, and let her know how she is doing - for example, if you would like her to move more slowly, or more gently, or more firmly, or use her lips instead of her fingers, or whatever, tell her. If it feels good or very pleasant, ask her to repeat it - some areas may seem much more sensitive than others as she moves her hands or lips over your body. She mustn't touch your anus, penis or balls!

She will work her way down your body slowly, down your sides, back, buttocks, the inside of your thighs, sides of your legs, and the backs of your legs. And you may like her to pay special attention to your feet, which are very sensitive areas for most of us. The same process applies all the way down - gentle, delicate caresses. Some men and women find that the very lightest of touches - just the brush of the finger tips with so little pressure that it only moves the hairs on the body - is very stimulating and sensuous.

At some point, you will turn over so that she can do the same thing on the front of your body. She starts with gentle touches and caresses to the top of your head and works her way down your face, neck, arms, chest and stomach, again being delicate and sensitive. She does not, however, touch your penis or balls. She then moves down your legs and on to your feet. It's possible that you may get an erection, but leave it alone. The object of this exercise is not to be sexual.

After you are happy with what you have received, it's your turn to give to her. The process is exactly the same, except that you are going to avoid her nipples, clitoris, vulva and anus. Just concentrate on caressing the rest of her body in a delicate, gentle and sensuous manner. You don't need an instruction book to do this, just follow your instincts and do whatever feels natural or whatever she indicates is nice for her.

With anything as intimate as this exercise, done with emotional connection and sensitivity between partners, there's bound to be some fairly deep responses, and it helps if you can talk to each other about what you're feeling and experiencing. But even if you can't, don't stop doing it!

The end point of this exercise is to be able to do this comfortably and regularly as a couple, which may take about two weeks of practice. Most couples find the experience a very rewarding one. Sometimes one person will enjoy giving more than receiving, or the other way round, but that's fine. It is also often a surprising discovery that the absence of the man's erection or the woman's lubrication is not a barrier to the giving and receiving of pleasure. And really, when you think about it, what a great thing to know - that the lips and fingers can provide sensuous pleasure! If you do get carried away, and find you have extremely erotic feelings and go on to ejaculate or have sex, try to go back to the process next time. Why? Well, we know the method works because it has been used by millions of people to get their sex lives back into working order.

And since you may not be able to go two weeks without an orgasm, you can fill in the gaps with either a quickie or masturbation. But keep those separate from your sensate focus exercises, and don't try sex unless you're relaxed about it.

Coming Next - Genital Pleasure
thaivisitor

[thaivisitor]

Genital Pleasure

The next stage of the process is the addition of a similar sort of gentle touching of breasts, nipples, clitoris, vulva, penis, the vaginal opening, and the testicles. (Not necessarily in that order!) Once again, the way to do it is not to expect or hope for sexual arousal: just experience the sensations, and accept and enjoy whatever feelings, emotions, thoughts and sensations it brings up.

The whole object of this phase of the process is to gently tease and stimulate the genitals, but not to produce orgasm. Normally this will produce arousal for both partners, especially when both partners are able to use their lips and tongue on each other. Oral sex is an exquisitely pleasurable sensation, or it can be if both partners are happy about it. The result of this process is likely to be that you, freed of the anxiety about having sex and ejaculating prematurely, get an erection. If you do happen to ejaculate, don't worry about it or apologize about it. Just tell your partner how much she turns you on, and how much you enjoyed your orgasm.

However, once again, this process of giving and receiving pleasure is meant to be independent of orgasm, so try to avoid anything that is likely to make either partner come. And if you don't get an erection, it doesn't matter. Since neither of you are out to sexually satisfy the other, and the objective is just to enjoy the experience, having an orgasm is irrelevant to what you are doing.

You may want to use lubrication. Massage oil, such as coconut or almond oil, or a commercial lube can make this a very sexy experience.

Your female partner will tease and caress your penis, scrotum, pubic area and your inner thighs with her fingers, lips, tongue and whatever else she thinks of while you lie back and enjoy the sensations. Both you and she should simply try and stay with the experience, accept your feelings, and relax and let it all happen. If you feel some anxiety, don't stop - it is perfectly possible to go relax and accept the anxiety, and you'll find that if you do, it soon decreases in intensity. Of course, it may come back, but then all you have to do is go through it again, as often as necessary, till it loses its hold over you.

As the gentle touching continues, you may get hard. If you get an erection, please don't masturbate or have sex. The point is you had an erection - you can let it go - there'll be another along next time!

After you have had enough, whether your penis is hard or not, it is the woman's turn to receive the pleasure. Start by gently going over her whole body rather like you did before. But spend only a few minutes on her body before you pay attention to her erogenous zones. Kiss her breasts and tease her nipples, play with her pubic hair, tease the lips of her vagina, stroke her clitoris lightly, and just play with the outer parts of her vulva. After a few minutes of this, or when she indicates she is ready, stroke the skin on ether side of her clitoris lightly, not touching the glands of her clitoris unless she indicates she is ready and willing - it is often too sensitive for women to take direct contact. Don't put a finger into her vagina at this stage - just gently arouse the external parts of her feminine areas.

When you do this to your female partner, be gentle and imaginative. Break off stroking her clitoris, or the skin either side of it, to go to another part of her genitals, then come back - be teasing, and stimulate her. Be sure to ask her what she would like, and what she wants, and get feedback - also, tell her how the experience is for you, and how you feel, seeing her respond to your stimulation: does it excite you to tease her in this way? Does it make you feel sexually aroused, seeing her respond to your touch? Don't bring her off, just let her take pleasure in being touched gently.

You can practice this until you feel comfortable and relaxed about it all. Once again you can fill in between sessions with masturbation or a quickie, but don't do this if it is likely to cause you any anxiety.

This whole process can be very arousing for you both because the anxiety of needing an erection to make love is removed. In such a relaxed situation, the man's erection is likely to return, safe that it will not be put to the test! For the woman, lubrication and desire for penetration are very common reactions, and it's often accompanied by a level of arousal that she hasn't experienced for a long time (or had never known she could experience). After you've experienced this arousal and the pleasure of the sexual touching, it's time to move on to the next step: orgasm outside the vagina.

Coming Next - Orgasm without intercourse
thaivisitor

[thaivisitor]

Orgasm without intercourse

You've got an erection. Don't put it inside her as quickly as possible! No, you aren't going to do that yet. The next step in the process of moving from soft erections to fully fledged sex is to enjoy orgasm without intercourse. One orgasm each actually. Or maybe more than one. You can come through masturbation or oral sex - it doesn't matter. The object is simply to use your erections to have an orgasm, and for your partner to have an orgasm.

Simple, isn't it? Well, yes, but remember to use the gentle fondling and caressing you have learnt as much as you like - it is not something that you use just to get back to having hard erections, but a life-long way of increasing the strength of the bond between you and your partner, increasing your enjoyment of sex, increasing your ability to give and receive pleasure, and enhancing your ability to communicate.

And now, at this stage, able to get an erection and ejaculate outside her vagina, you are ready to deal with your premature ejaculation....so get ready!

Coming Next - Learning how not to come quickly
thaivisitor

[tittyhawk]

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[The Punisher]

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[arizona]

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[thaivisitor]

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[[S]otong]

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[thaivisitor]

Learning how not to come quickly

The way you can learn to control your ejaculation is described below as a couple might do it. But up to step 3 you can actually do this training on your own. It might even be helpful to do that, because then you can really focus on your body and what you're feeling, and learn just what it feels like as you approach the point where your ejaculation is inevitable.

Remember that the whole idea is to learn how your body feels as you get more and more aroused. Learning how it feels as you approach the point where it's inevitable you're going to ejaculate, and being aware as you approach this point during sex, means that you can do something to stop or halt the increasing arousal before you lose control! If you ejaculate, you didn't stop soon enough!

Begin each session with gentle touching and caressing. There are plenty of ideas in the yellow text box above about how to do this. You might ask your partner if she wants this to develop into sex play so she can come before you do the exercises themselves. If not, give her the chance to come afterwards - offer to masturbate her or give her oral sex so she can enjoy her orgasm too. This way you'll be making sure that both your sexual needs and her needs for affection and sex are satisfied at some point in each session.

And don't forget this can all be light-hearted and fun. Sex is always better if you can laugh about it and enjoy it in a relaxed way.

Coming Next - Step 1
thaivisitor

[thaivisitor]

Step 1

Lie down on your back next to your partner, both of you naked. She needs to be in a position where she is comfortable and she can masturbate you comfortably. Begin by having your partner gently touch and caress your whole body. She can caress and kiss any part of you with her hands, lips and tongue. Relax and enjoy the sensations.
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When you have a good erection, close your eyes, and ask her to begin masturbating your penis. If you need lubrication to make this comfortable, her saliva is best at this stage. Oral sex is not allowed, though!
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You need to concentrate on your arousal - not just the pleasure you're feeling. If you concentrate on the pleasure, you're likely to get swept away in the rush to orgasm, and that's not the idea! The idea is to stop your partner masturbating you before you get to the point where you will have no choice but to come.

As she masturbates you, lie still. Don't let your mind wander off onto sexual thoughts or imagery - keep focusing on how aroused you are.
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As you approach the point of no return you have to judge when to tell your partner to stop what she's doing.
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Obviously if you begin to ejaculate you've gone too far! You need to feel your arousal rising, and tell your partner to stop while it's under your control.
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At the point where you tell her to stop, she will lie back and wait for your arousal to decrease.
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You can feel this happening - as you relax, your desire to ejaculate and the feeling of needing to come will decrease. If you've been a premature ejaculator for a while, it may take some time - a few minutes - for your arousal to decrease to the level where she can touch your penis again without any danger of you coming. However, if you begin to lose your erection, then your arousal has probably declined a bit too much.
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It's your responsibility to get this right, and you may have to practice a few times before you can judge it correctly. But once you feel your arousal has decreased to the appropriate level, tell her to start masturbating you again.

She needs to use minimum effort, with slow strokes, and as little lube as possible. Stay relaxed - muscle tension will increase your arousal. If you feel yourself tensing up, consciously relax your body. This may go against the habits of a lifetime if you've been used to getting off as quickly as possible. You just have to be disciplined. Be a man! The whole point of this is to give you better staying power, not to indulge your own selfish pleasure. So don't ejaculate! (But if you genuinely misjudge it, don't be hard on yourself. Just do it better next time.)

Go through this process 4 or 5 times before you continue to orgasm and ejaculation. As you let her take you over the top, try and focus on your internal experience so that you know the difference between how it feels to be in control and how it feels to know you are going for the pleasure of your orgasm.

Don't have intercourse, but do allow yourself the pleasure of orgasm each time you practice this complete sequence - say 2 or 3 times a week for 3 weeks. If your partner can't make it, do it on your own. And make sure she is sexually fulfilled with oral sex or masturbation.

The longer you practice, the better lover you'll be. So how much do you want to improve?

Coming Next - Step 2
thaivisitor

[spinning]

Very informative man!

Cant wait to read step 2 and 3

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[thenerdyguy]

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[Hunkyforever]

Bro thaivisitor, really very informative and good info u got there.... waiting for the next step...