Wolf cub mentored by a dark wolf - It is a miracle I stayed human...

[otamay]

Nice updates here, more please.

[pladico]

Very nice, hope to read more

[KnowItAll]

really like your story ts... it's a nice read... share more soon please...

[sponge05]

Interesting story TS, will be great if you will continue sharing it.

[Informer]

this is a nice story, do keep the updates coming.

[romanx24]

Chapter 4
The end of an era and new beginnings

It has been a busy few days, with my volunteer work at the retirement home, and the unexpected drop-in from my cousin Anne. She lives just a few hours away by car, but we haven't met in several months. Partly because of my need for isolation, and partly because of her own stress and grief. She would always text me on special occasions or just to check-in on me, to which I rarely replied. But in the whole wide world, she was perhaps the only 'family' who knew me, or at last some parts of me, nobody else knew much about me in the entire family.

Anne and I have a relationship from childhood. She is not a close relative, she is a distant cousin from my mother's side. I think the daughter of my mother's distant cousin brother and where I lived at the time, I could even legally marry her although I did not think about such a topic when I was a kid. Although I was never close with any family, or relatives fate had brought me close to Anne because of her own misfortunes and bad luck given to her by the universe. Her father died of a workplace accident when she was merely 3 or 4 years old, and since her mother was well liked by my mother, my mother started taking direct involvement and care in the education and development of Anne and her siblings by providing emotional support and advice about real life matters like finances, taxes, investments, and savings.

Anne's mother was poor and unemployed but after a lengthy court battle with the help of my mother and father, her father's company decided to settle for a large million dollar deal with Anne's mother. This played a large role in keeping Anne's family well provided and almost rich.

When Anne was young, she would come over to our home to spend the summer holidays, spring breaks and sometimes during Thanksgiving, and Christmas time. I can even swear she has spent a few New Year's eves in our home when we were very young kids. The fact is that I used to hate and resent her, and be jealous of her because my father and mother would take more care of her than her own children, in response to this perceived neglect and abandonment, my older brother used the mental FIGHT response like a wild animal and became a psychopath mental disorder full of anger and rage, bullying me and leading me to become a Loner by using the FREEZE response like a deer caught in the headlights or a rabbit caught in the claws of a wolf. But the reality was that my parents genuinely liked Anne and wanted to take care of her, they did not think they neglected their children since they had provided for all the needs, yet their children felt unloved and unappreciated, this would hollow out their children's adult lives, if only they knew.

And after her own trauma and grief from her early childhood, I later after consulting the secrets and lessons darkwolf shared with me in my own past, and after studying psychology and human emotions and the human brain, I realized that Anne was also affected by her early childhood nightmare of losing her father. Her sub-conscious mind adopted a different mental response to cope with this negative feeling inside, she used the FAWN response unconsciously, becoming a goody-two-shoes and people pleaser. Me and my brother thought she was manipulating my parents to get her wishes fulfilled or get new toys, but I was uneducated and stupid at that time to understand the deeper connections of human bonds, and needs, and coping mechanisms to the trauma of life. Anne's psyche was totally terrified of being abandoned again, after losing her father she lost the ability to survive on her own, she always needed to cling on to someone, and to not risk losing them or being abandoned, she had to do anything they wanted to make them continue loving her and not abandoning her. So the way she behaved was not her fault after all I thought.

We were enemies when we were very young, competing for our parents' attention, in her case her 'god parents' attention. But as she grew into middle school, and then high school she and I became much closer, she would be the closest I have to a 'friend', and the closest I have to a 'family'. She was 2 years younger than me, so while I was in high school she was in middle school, and when she got to high school I was off to college with some years of overlap.

Misfortune never left her side, she got married 3 years ago after dating the guy for a year, her third official boyfriend. But in the second year of her marriage, her husband got into a fatal car crash along with three of his drinking buddies, it was determined to be a freak accident due to the mistake of the tractor trailer or 16 wheeler. The driver and the friend on the left back seat died on the spot, her husband was on the passenger side, and his friend in the seat behind him survived and went into a coma. His friend was the only one to survive, Anne's husband got critical and later was determined a lost cause and had his life support removed, it was a traumatic and painful time for the entire family. My mother was the one to convince Anne to sign the consent and let them remove the life support. Anne's relationship with rest of the family is an all-time-low, and in her grief she herself made bad choices and fell real hard, having become a loner like me she perhaps thinks it is time for us to be friends again. I neither visited them in the hospital, nor went to the funeral services, but I did manage to send my sincere condolences to Anne, I was ashamed and full of guilt that I could not go, but I could not face the same people without burning up inside and ruining all my healing progress.

And the other day someone rang my bell while I was trying to focus on a task, I usually ignore people who come knocking. They rang again and I thought it must be a postman or courier delivery, they could either leave it outside or leave a note, I wasn't in the mood to see anybody. Then they ran again, and again, and started ringing some sort of doorbell tune, I knew someone was fooling around and I opened the door with an intention to curse and swear. And there she was, standing with a big smile on her face and a big bulky suitcase and handbag strapped around her shoulder. Last time I saw her, she was depressed, grieving and completely broken down, I did not have the courage or sense to be with her in her worst time. I never forgave myself, but I had told her to come visit me if anytime things got too bad, I did not expect her to take upon that offer, I certainly wished she wouldn't, I was happiest when I am living alone.

Anne and I were like best friends in our teen years, but a few months after I lost my virginity to my friend Sarah, we became kissing-cousins, literally with a kiss, which led to an intimate relationship and experimentation in which Anne thinks she took my virginity when I took her's, but the truth is complicated and I let her believe it that way because I had given my virginity to Sarah months earlier. The part of me that loved her wasn't the same part that loved Sarah. Or something crazy like that.

Anyway, I am back to writing my past narrative and I remember it was the last day of final year of school, after finishing some of the formalities and the socializing sessions, and the signing of autographs books for each other in the class, me and Sarah finally got a moment away from friends. We would no longer be able to see each other as often as we do now, she lived a few miles from my home, I could bike to her but I am not sure where this will go. I didn't know what relationship I wanted from Sarah, I didn't have a name for it.

Sarah pulled my hand and led me upstairs, most of the students had left, some were forming groups and chatting in the playground. Sarah seemed so energetic, at times pulling me to move faster, we got up to a wing of the building that was under-renovation and thus was closed off. It was usually buzzing with workers but it was a day off for construction work or probably the school shut down construction for that day, it was vacant and smelled of new paint and wood.

She wore a pastel-blue sweater over her white shirt, with a darker blue skirt. Her pony tail moving from side to side as a pendulum as she led me up and into that secluded part of the building. And lo and behold, there was an old dusty couch in one of the relatively 'finished' rooms, perhaps the workers used this room for meals and relaxation during their breaks. The couch also smelled of paint, cement and wood. As we got to the couch, Sarah quickly removed something from her backpack, the perfume XxXxXxXx XxX once again, she sprayed herself behind her ears and on her wrists. As the fumes spread, every smell around me disappeared and all I could smell was that enchanting scent I had fallen in love with. After she put the perfume back into her bag and dumped the bag away, she turned to me and found my arms open inviting her, we hugged.

"I'm gonna miss school" she said. "You have no idea", I replied. School was not only a place of refuge for me, but also a place where I had no bullies. Home was the place I feared and despised. Without further talking she planted a kiss on my lips, she seemed emotional. I grabbed her in my arms and squeezed her body to mine, her scent was enchanting and my narcissist part of me was eager to emerge, I feared leaving Sarah with that part of me, he was the one who liked darkwolf's codes of life and suggestions. He is a bit ruthless and controlling, but he balances me out as a whole, keeping me from becoming a monster. I still had a heart, and in that moment it belonged to Sarah, it was beating hard for her, and pumping blood into my groin and making my body show the physical signs of arousal taking over me. I wanted to fuck her right there like I had seen people do in movies and adult stories, but the coward in me won out, I could only follow her lead in spite of my cravings.

Both my hands slide down her back, feeling her body curve up to her butt, grabbing her and squeezing her as we kissed and made out. Her fleshy bottom was warm and felt so soft, I pull her skirt up and grab her naked butt cheeks, squeezing them even more and pushing her further into me, I could feel my hard cock pressing against her body wanting to come out. As I squeezed and teased her butt I slid my fingers further ahead to touch her panties over the clit and pussy as the magazines had instructed guys to do in such encounters, she moaned and look at me, with a look I hadn't seen before, she looked like she was in a trance, eyes half rolled into her skull and a faint smile on her face. I continued feeling and squeezing her soft buttocks in the palms of my hands while kissing her neck, she moaned as we continued feeling each other, her hands unzipped my pants and dived inside to locate the part of me she had awoken. An automatic command came out of my mouth as she found me in my pants, "Take it out" I demanded, in a tone that didn't sound like me, an authoritative guy.

Without reacting to my demand, Sarah continued to moan and rub her body against mine. Her hands slowly guided my hard-on out and held in her hand. She held it like it was a strange object, her eyes were on me while we kissed and caressed, but her mind was perceiving this new object she has never touched before. I knew she needs to take a look, I loosened my embrace and took a step back, signalling her to take a look. She smile sheepishly and knelt down, I only wanted her to take a look, she knelt down as if she had learned it from an adult movie, considering she is a virgin how did she instinctually kneel before my throbbing dick? I had to silence my brain, ruining the entire experience for me by constantly questioning. I put my hand on her hair, she looked gorgeous and her eyes were fixated on my hard-on throbbing right in front of her. She brought her palm again and held it and turned up to look at me, she smiles and says "It has a hole" and chuckled. I could not take this teasing anymore, I needed a touch. I took her other hand and put it on the length of my cock so her both hands would be engaged, and starting moving her hands to jerk me off. After a few seconds she got the idea and began caressing and rubbing me with her hands. I was enjoying the attention and trying not to be sad that this is that most I could demand from her, as I was thinking about making the most of it, I felt my dick enter a warm wet place of bliss. For a few seconds I just enjoyed the feelings with my eyes closed and mind on cloud nine. And then I looked down and saw her beautiful lips around my cock, my mouth was open, partly in awe at the sight and partly due to the sensations I had never felt before. She looked up at me for a second and then looked away continuing to suck me. I was already on the brink of orgasm within a matter of minutes from start to finish, I muttered "I will cum soon". She did not react, rather continued sucking and trying out different movements as if she was practicing a new skill. My hands were caressing her hair as she sucked with focus, "I am cumming" I moaned as I could not contain the feeling anymore. She held my dick in her hand and squeezed it gently and quickly moved aside, my cum shot several inches away, creating a large wet shiny line on the newly built hardwood floor. She watched it intently as it occurred, but shooting cum was not new to me, I did masturbate after all. Her lips around my cock was something new and exciting for me. She looked closely how the cum looked, she touched my dick to feel the drops of cum and said it is as slippery as her pussy juice. I was at the top of the world, still feeling my orgasm and trying to come back to earth.

As she was tidying up her dress I muttered "I know how to make you feel good too". I was trying to let her know that although I am awkward and coward, I do know how to do it, or at least what to do. It is as though I was telling her "I am too cowardly to act in spite of knowing things".

Darkwolf's code helped me out eventually, he had always treated like adults and told us that it is a pity society pick an arbitrary age of 18 to determine when someone is adult enough to vote, but yet they think 21 is the age old enough to make a decision to buy and consume alcohol. It is as though 18 is smart enough to make a choice for a president, but still dumb to decide the choices for their own life or choosing to drink. He would rant about how teens are already adults, and how young men and women our age would be kings, and knights, military generals, and warriors in Europe and elsewhere in the past. He always called us young men and young women, not boys and girls.

Darkwolf had said, "Women don't want to submit, they want to be acquired; and once acquired, they don't want to be acquired anymore, they want to genuinely and willingly submit beyond your wildest imagination". He explained, some of them will only allow being acquired until marriage, if they do not have any mental weaknesses, they will not compromise and it is against the moral code to pursue them just for the chase of it. Never target or chase someone for manipulation, and do not get manipulated yourself.

This made me realize, how dominant people seek submissives, and submissives seek dominants primarily to satisfy their inner deep needs, to feel loved, beyond conditions, to feel a willing submission from acceptance and love. And the willing submission, to feel loved beyond conditions and without any mistrust, genuine pure love while submitting willing one self to it. Alas, rarely people do find it, although they chase it like it is the elixir of life but it eludes but the very few who are lucky and understand.

Sarah wasn't interested in having an orgasm I believe, she was already prepared to get out of there. I tidied myself to get out together, I was still feeling happy and blissed out, I would compare it with my later first hit of drugs, the rest of the life is left just chasing the feeling but never really finding it ever again.

At the point I knew, I either have to be a man and acquire Sarah as she wants me to do. Not by criminal means but my proving to her that I have the balls, and that I crave her and make her feel wanted and desired. I can't tell her how much I wanted to fuck her right here, but someday I want to be able to do it.

This was the most important memory of that day for me and my diary. Over the next few days and weeks we had much more freedom and time on our hands. Those were probably the most happiest days of my life relative to the rest of my life. A couple of weeks after the last day of school, I was finally able to be a man enough to have my first ever sex with Sarah, it wasn't that pleasurable overall, but it does bring me to a happy time when I think about it.


With Anne currently living with me in a 1 bedroom unit, I am not sure how long I can hide my treatment plan and activities from her. She knows many aspects of me, but there are many sides of me she has no clue about. Although she knows about all my past, and Sarah to an extent, she does not know anything about the darkwolf, or the code of life I adopted based on his suggestions and teachings. Not sure how much she knows about my mental disorders, but she knows I struggled with substance abuse and addictions as a form of coping from the pain, that is something I have in common with her.

[CarelessPussy]

Very well written story, please keep going TS

[otamay]

Nice updates here, more please.

[meijipcc]

really like this nice story. look forward to your next update TS.

[JustANewbie]

Camping here for more updates to this nice story.

[romanx24]

WARNING: As a mental illness patient myself, I have to say: This narrative may have themes of psychological illness, traumatic memories, themes of bullying, loneliness, heartbreak, substance-abuse. If you have any mental health conditions, or PTSD, or Complex-PTSD, or any cluster A, B or C personality disorder this narrative may have triggers, you can choose to ignore and not follow the future posts.


Chapter 5
Boy Interrupted

Never target or chase someone for manipulation, and do not get manipulated yourself. This was the darkwolf's code that I was writing about in my journal when that damn bell rang disturbing my chain of thought.

Darkwolf once told me he was once a psychologist and had a good career, but after a few years of practice his own mental health began to go dark while he was below age 30 himself. He was in the depth of darkness and pain, had to quit his job, and was on the brink of committing suicide. But, somehow he got help from somewhere and as a result he got better, he even re-started playing guitar and teaching guitar, something he always wanted to do when he was a teen, but something he forgot and gave up. He had learned much in psychology books, but he started learning the classics, and the philosophers from the East to the West. He became a junkie of collecting ancient proverbs, and phrases, especially in Chinese, and Arabic and Sanskrit or the several African and the Ancient Americas, North and South.

That is what led him to his current job he said. He learned to read and understand people, he wanted to help the society where it might benefit not just one but two generations at the same time. He became the school counselor due to his psych credentials, and played the guitar for music class, and I assume he also joined because he likes to keep a close eye on his female students, considering how he caught me looking at Sarah in class while singing among dozens of students, and suggested my next moves.

He said he even knew how to manipulate people for his own benefit but he swore it is against his code to manipulate people for personal or selfish benefit and he asked me to promise that I will not use his teachings to manipulate people for my personal benefits. As I write today, I know I have broken my promise and forgot his codes for the past several years. I want them back, and this is my attempt to regain them to help me out of my frozen state. I am alive and functioning but I am not 'living'.

Disrupting my chain of thoughts was the door bell and behind that door stood Anne, my cousin sister, my only 'friend' and my only family. I had only seen her a few months ago, she was broken hearted and in despair but optimistic. I quickly noticed she has lost some weight, she looks younger and has gotten a haircut, she looked gorgeous in her long curly hair but she is yet as much gorgeous in the short hair. She was wearing her hat and I could see some sweat on her forehead from the long drive.

Without making much eye contact I reached for the suitcase and strolled it inside and she followed me in. I had no visitors or friends coming to see me in a long, long time. My place had become my sanctuary, where I might have forgotten how a normal person would live, I began to have no rules. I was anxious what she might think about the way I lived, I was looking at her while she kicked off her sneakers and walked around looking and inspecting artifacts such as my couch, or the painting on the wall, or the freshly washed empty glass pipe laying on the coffee table.

"Interesting", is all she had to say. Me being and introvert of a few words myself, "Curious, is the word" I replied. To which she looked at me with introspective eyes from behind her dark rimmed glasses. "Curious, yes how interesting, I agree" she smiled.

I have no idea if that was even a normal conversation normal people have, I was now a creature of work conversations, or no conversations, or business conversations like at the pharmacy, or the supermarket, not personal conversations. I did not have any activity in personal conversations sphere in the past several years. I've had sex, I've had drugs, with people, alone, in groups but not personal conversations. Anne was one person I could have personal conversations in the past, but it's been a while and I am not sure how to speak.

She slumped down on the couch and turned to look at me, I shut the door and sat down on the chair beside her. She looked gorgeous, and I am not being biased. She was almost 30 now but she looked like a college student once again, she must have lost 10 or 15 pounds. Her white, long sleeved shirt was damp with her sweat, and tight enough to wonderfully curve around her ample bosom. She was 34d and even after losing so much weight she retained her amazing boobs. Why was she here? I didn't even dare ask, I just sat taking in the view hoping she would speak first.

Thank you readers for the support, but I am sorry, I have to continue later. I was trying to write more in this chapter but the distraction is a bit much for my anxiety, I am used to living alone, not with a roommate even if it was my only friend. I will take some time to cool down and collect my thoughts and memories very soon

[paulsun]

Camp here for TS next update.

[AhLongSanJr]

Waiting for TS next update.

[diputs1269]

Camping here for more updates.

[dohua]

Nice story, camping here too