Understanding Vietnamese Life Partner

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by Tony Stark

Excellent insight dude. Sharing your experience in Vietnam is invaluable to a new hand like me. Keep up the good posts.

Yes cheonging and everyday expenses have gone up the roof. Girls and establishments are also charging more.

I'll be in HCMC today. I'll PM you my mobile no. and hope to have TCSS coffee session with you. Cheers!

Bro, you frequent HCM nowadays hor...please help to report exchange rate ok...

[SingViet]

Originally Posted by Kualalumpur

I have quite a few friends married in Viet Nam with vietnameses, some have very stable family, but most of them, when I take coffee or dinner with the couple, the wife is spending her time with sms, tap tap tap tap, tap tap, bip, tap tap tap... They says it is for business, but I seriously doubt it. They are gal from the middle-high educated range, never wl, so I cannot imagine what it gives with wl

The best I have seen is when there is at the same table: the foreigner husband, the wife, and the former boyfriend of the wife, because it is vn tradition to keep good relationship and contact, blabla. I have seen that so many times. Now, to what extent "former" is "former" is questionable at best. Make sure too you do not marry until you speak perfectly vietnamese, that allows you to understand some subtle differences in the way they speak about you, or to the phone.

Before I was thinking there are serious gals and not serious gals, but nowadays, I tend to think that to marry them is like playing poker.

Bro, not that i want to ask this question, but how long have you been in Vietnam and do you stay there or just fly in for business trips? I disagree with your statement on vietnamese spouse. Your understanding of vietnamese people and culture needs to be greatly tuned up. The normal vietnamese lady (not WL) tends to be more conservative. If the lady comes from middle to upper class, then the FACE value will become even more important. They cannot be seen not faithful to husband, or to the extend of making the husband lose face. As for seating down with husband and ex-bf at the same table, don't mind me saying, i think you got it all wrong or you have met a very special and stupid foreigner or a special vietnamese lady that likes to lose FACE.

[Sha_Gua75]

Originally Posted by SingViet

i think you got it all wrong or you have met a very special and stupid foreigner or a special vietnamese lady that likes to lose FACE.

I think Kualalumpur is a SWM

[Kualalumpur]

Originally Posted by SingViet

Bro, not that i want to ask this question, but how long have you been in Vietnam and do you stay there or just fly in for business trips? I disagree with your statement on vietnamese spouse. Your understanding of vietnamese people and culture needs to be greatly tuned up. The normal vietnamese lady (not WL) tends to be more conservative. If the lady comes from middle to upper class, then the FACE value will become even more important. They cannot be seen not faithful to husband, or to the extend of making the husband lose face. As for seating down with husband and ex-bf at the same table, don't mind me saying, i think you got it all wrong or you have met a very special and stupid foreigner or a special vietnamese lady that likes to lose FACE.

I am staying in Hanoi for 2 years now, came regularly every other month for many years before

The "FACE" is a joke in my experience, a nice, cute, joke, but still a joke. It is important that there is nothing to say about you, if you want to keep your face. So the way they found is to arrange to hide everything that could be said

I has the (un)luck to know many middle high class people in Vietnam, and the face story, those days, starts very young, when the parents wants everyone to belive their daughter or boy sleeps at a girl or boy friend place, like friends of the same sex. Of course we are not that stupid, but we cannot say anything, and the "face" is safe.

For the married women, they arrange sometimes to visit one of their 'girlfriends', the husband and the complete family covers that, even to their closest friends. My partner's wife tried to catch me many times (she was not the only married wife to try that).

She told once to her husband that she went to a business meeting in Saigon, in the evening she showed up in my office, invited me for dinner. I got my partner by accident on the phone, asked him if he was joining the dinner. He asked me if I was at the meeting in Saigon, I told him no, in my office in Hanoi. Silence on the phone. She left my office in a hurry. Next day, the wonderful happy couple was together, gave me a shitty explanation, she missed the flight, though of inviting me for dinner, and call her husband if I accepted. No problem

I happened to be somewhat cheated, until I realized that the "face" story can be on one side, must be on both sides. I started to trick and block any way to escape if people are not doing the right things, in my business. Otherwise I was cheated and people would keep their face. Their driver took the "tip money", that's not them, they do not know, poor them. And of course they kept their face like that.

The face is something teached to others so they think they cannot be cheated, but those days it does not exists really anymore in the fact, it is a make up...

SingViet, if you want you can PM me

[cashier]

Originally Posted by Kualalumpur

I am staying in Hanoi for 2 years now, came regularly every other month for many years before


SingViet, if you want you can PM me

Well Singviet definately has much more than 2 years of experience there with all type of connection. Sometimes it pays to listen to the old ginger. hehehe

[Kualalumpur]

Originally Posted by cashier

Well Singviet definately has much more than 2 years of experience there with all type of connection. Sometimes it pays to listen to the old ginger. hehehe

Different people can have different perception and knowledge of the people, and it depends on the network of people you know. In 2 years I experienced a lot with people, Singviet with different peoples.

I don't know Singviet personnally, I respect his advise, because we have same thinkings for quite a lot of things, however the face story is a big joke in my experience. But I think he would agree that many people in Viet Nam want to keep their face, and that's the "keep" word that means it all. Singviet apparently is in Saigon, I am in Hanoi, and that maybe makes a difference.

In Hanoi it is very easy to hide a lot of things, whereas in Saigon it is more difficult apparently.

For my experience, personal and professionnal, you can reread posts about a wonderful high class lady I made earlier, and I had some more stories about the 'face' in stock.

From my work, to give you an example, at first I made very large size business es with people. Their face was very important, because they are very important people. Yet, they wanted to pick up the money and just, well... 'steal it'. They could not do it directly without loosing their face, so they arranged middlemen to take the money, and of course, when the money disappeared, that was the middlemen fault. The vip people face was safe, because they arranged their face to be clean. But they, and I, know the truth. I cannot prove it, so I just had to forget it. It happened several times. The Koreans and Japaneses have major court trials now in Vietnam because of similar stories, no proof or nearly none, and the face of nearly everyone is 'saved', at least in public. No proof, no problem.

That's my experiences about the 'face'. In my experience, the ladies from the middle class and a little bit countryside are more concerned about their face and reputation, and will be much, much more reliable.

[Tony Stark]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Bro, you frequent HCM nowadays hor...please help to report exchange rate ok...

Exchange rate really sucks these days.

Cho Ben Thanh Gold Jewellery Shop
14th Sep: SGD/VND11,500

[Tony Stark]

Originally Posted by Kualalumpur

From my work, to give you an example, at first I made very large size business es with people. Their face was very important, because they are very important people. Yet, they wanted to pick up the money and just, well... 'steal it'. They could not do it directly without loosing their face, so they arranged middlemen to take the money, and of course, when the money disappeared, that was the middlemen fault. The vip people face was safe, because they arranged their face to be clean. But they, and I, know the truth. I cannot prove it, so I just had to forget it. It happened several times. The Koreans and Japaneses have major court trials now in Vietnam because of similar stories, no proof or nearly none, and the face of nearly everyone is 'saved', at least in public. No proof, no problem.

"Borrow knife, kill people" to save face. Hahaha.

[cashier]

I still believe in singviet more. tried and tested over the years. anyway. nice to always know more things. thanks for your contribution, i will read it and ponder over them.

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by Tony Stark

Exchange rate really sucks these days.

Cho Ben Thanh Gold Jewellery Shop
14th Sep: SGD/VND11,500

Thank you for your rates info....enjoy your stay in HCMC..

[Tony Stark]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Thank you for your rates info....enjoy your stay in HCMC..

Your welcome. Outdone myself again during this trip. Last night was great!

Cho Ben Thanh Gold Jewellery Shop
14th Sep: SGD/VND11,500
15th Sep: SGD/VND11,550
16th Sep: SGD/VND11,550

[SingViet]

Originally Posted by Tony Stark

Your welcome. Outdone myself again during this trip. Last night was great!

Cho Ben Thanh Gold Jewellery Shop
14th Sep: SGD/VND11,500
15th Sep: SGD/VND11,550
16th Sep: SGD/VND11,550

Rates are quite standardised around HCMC nowadays. I changed at Mai Linh Taxi office at Hai Ba Trung on 15th Sep and the rate was SGD/VND11,550. Cho Ben Thanh Gold Shops used to give better rates last time, but not nowadays. Competition is stiff nowadays.

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by SingViet

Rates are quite standardised around HCMC nowadays. I changed at Mai Linh Taxi office at Hai Ba Trung on 15th Sep and the rate was SGD/VND11,550. Cho Ben Thanh Gold Shops used to give better rates last time, but not nowadays. Competition is stiff nowadays.

Originally Posted by Tony Stark

Your welcome. Outdone myself again during this trip. Last night was great!

Cho Ben Thanh Gold Jewellery Shop
14th Sep: SGD/VND11,500
15th Sep: SGD/VND11,550
16th Sep: SGD/VND11,550

Thank you for updating daily rates...

[SingViet]

Rates around S$/10500VND to S$/12000VND have been the norm rates. Around year 2002, rates were around S$/7500VND, but it has risen quite a bit ever since. Air ticket prices have fallen quite a fair bit since then. A trip on either VN Airlines or SQ to Ho Chi Minh City would have cost you $650 before tax. Those were the days, limited choices and lower rates

[Buikia]

Hi guys,
Thanks for the very insightful read of over 200 pages of this topic, i dun really post much but just to share with you my personal experience.

2 years ago, got to know of this Viet lady from GL/JC, after a few months we got together and she stopped working.(not going to talk about those KC stuff here) Being a WL, she of course had a reason like everyone else, and her reason was there were some debts in the family(sis mortgage house to repay gambling debts) in which i have helped her monthly till about 6 months ago, where her debts had finally cleared up.

Just as the burden of helping her had finally been lessen, i was informed again last week that her mum has borrowed from loansharks recently and they are contemplating to sell their house. So ask me to help out again.I nearly went berserk as my earning power is not high and the previous incident was a big strain on my finances over the last 2 years. So to cut the story short, told her to be on her own again and lead her own life.

B4 the loadshark incident, i was really considering to marry her as she had stopped working and waited for me since. (not a con job by her, no kids or ox etc, i have verified this) And i do know her love for me is true.(and vice versa) But now its all over.


Moral of story:
1)If you intend to marry a WL, be prepare to marry the family(and their debts) as well. I thought i can handle it but i didnt know it was a lifelong commitment!
2)$$ will always be the biggest and most important obstacle between you and your VN WL if you choose to persist with her, you better have a good paying job/in a biz and have some ba ba savings.