my affair with my sis in law

[nathan4]

Bro, reading your stories is mind blowing... appreciate on your sharing..some director who are reading it ..if any should consider converting it to a movie...

You should consider changing your job as a novel writer..

[aseandude]

Bro Seowlang,
Still envious of your affair story with your SIL.
Getting such unforgettable moments without being caught with unthinkable outcome is something desirable.
A decade ago while attach (gf only, not married) was discovered by gf friend while in a cinema with another girl just holding hands. Something was supposed to happened later but a phone call from my then gf questioning shrunk my balls. Ditched the girl as soon as possible and had an endless night of face to face interrogation that turned sour.
Also an unforgettable memory in a negative way.

Conclusion,

1. Eat forbidden fruit and not discovered = best
2. Eat forbidden fruit and was discovered = bad
3. Before eating forbidden fruit but discovered = worst (like my case!!!)

Its like something you ordered and before eat had to pay and leave immediately.

Considering it looks pretty delicious and the bills expensive!

Biggest regret!

Luckily I wasn't married or with kids then. Otherwise... It'll be like not enough money to settle the bill!!!

Hahaha! Sorry bros, just my sense of dark humour to ease the sadness here. But its a true story!

[loneyheart]

Bro Ts

After reading yr ending post just like to say something as follow

U r not Special
Yr ending feeling nothing new ... it has been happening fm past ...now n futures
Wat I mean is tats alots of ppl r in yr shoe ... just like DVD replay n replay
U r not alone

Some do think of suicide n really end their lives n sure u read on paper too
Leave family n young kids behind
tats I call them coward
If u have t courage to end yr life ... U should have t courage to face t shit tat u had created n not let yr family to ans for wat u had done after yr death

Tats t encouragement tat I give myself when I m in yr shoe ...hope tat do for u too
Be happy again ...keep t happiest moment in yr heart bro ..tat a gift


Same words to u bro again

TIME WILL HEALS

[multiverse]

thank you for sharing your story.

I've been in a slightly similar situation, but more like in the spot of J than you. It's been about a year already but I can still cry when I think about it...

How do I cope with it? Bury myself with work...am still a student, so I signed up for extra modules (night classes) and am working part time. If I'm not tired enough when I go to bed, then my mind will start to wander and my mind is truly my worst enemy.

It's a really complicated story, but I guess what I want to say is that, it's been a year and he's all that I can think about. I won't even look at a guy and say "I might date him" anymore. I still feel that in my heart I am with him, and that he's still my bf, just that we're not with each other physically.

Although, I do have a much better chance of being with him than J with you, since he is 1) tied down with a kid but not married and 2) he does not love her and she is using him to support her. I'm the one who insists on the breakup but he's been trying to get me back for the past year, so it's really confusing me.

Paiseh for the boring bits..

[multiverse]

oh and I wanted to say, really hope that J will recover from this incident, and that the relationship betwn you two can return to the same as before again...

[seowlang]

Originally Posted by aseandude

Bro Seowlang,
Still envious of your affair story with your SIL.
Getting such unforgettable moments without being caught with unthinkable outcome is something desirable.
A decade ago while attach (gf only, not married) was discovered by gf friend while in a cinema with another girl just holding hands. Something was supposed to happened later but a phone call from my then gf questioning shrunk my balls. Ditched the girl as soon as possible and had an endless night of face to face interrogation that turned sour.
Also an unforgettable memory in a negative way.

Conclusion,

1. Eat forbidden fruit and not discovered = best
2. Eat forbidden fruit and was discovered = bad
3. Before eating forbidden fruit but discovered = worst (like my case!!!)

Its like something you ordered and before eat had to pay and leave immediately.

Considering it looks pretty delicious and the bills expensive!

Biggest regret!

Luckily I wasn't married or with kids then. Otherwise... It'll be like not enough money to settle the bill!!!

Hahaha! Sorry bros, just my sense of dark humour to ease the sadness here. But its a true story!

lol
i share yr sense of humor =)

[seowlang]

Hi loneyheart,

I appreciate your msg and how what i have experience is prolly just another story that has happened time and again. well, i agree with u.

maybe i will start of with saying that im truely a very emotional person (hope u dont mix it up with a man that likes to cry. thats far from the truth!). i dont really like to talk about my emotions with anyone.. but since this is a forum.. let me share then..

i am always a person with very high expectations of myself. since young, i have always have this inner voice that acts as my strongest encourager as well as critic. i would say most of the time, this inner voice is helpful.
however, it can be the harshest critic, harsher than anyone that i have met before...

for example, when at work
when i fail to clinch a deal, my inner voice will be saying things like: "oh what the fuck went wrong? simple task and u cant even do it!"
when i make mistakes, i often hear within me "XXXXXXX (my name), that is too fucking elementary for u to make such an error!"

that night when i had suicide thoughts for a brief moment, the inner voice was extremely angry, harsh, punishing.. raining blows after blows at me..

"XXXXXX (my name) u r a fucking piece of shit"
"u had to ruin a young girl's live"
"u are such a pussy that u cannot even hold yr wedding vows"

and it went on for a long time.. i was crashed, devastated, i cried.. but the inner voice wasnt intending to let go.. and then the inner voice finally said:

"XXXXXX, why the fuck are u still here? u may as well fucking jump off and die."

as i have said, for a brief moment.. i thought abt death. then the scenarios of J and my wife started playing in my mind and my inner voice stayed quiet for a while.

then the next thing that happened was the one that shut the inner voice out for the night..
all of a sudden, my mind had graphics of a funeral. yes, it was my funeral.

i started seeing images of my wife and J kneeling beside my coffin and crying.. and my parents and bros were behind weeping unconsolably. soon, i was seeing scores of ppl whom i have rubbed shoulders with coming in to pay their last respects. my best friends from sec sch, poly, uni days. my army buddies.. my ex colleagues, customers, suppliers, present colleagues and several close friends whom i have met in my life.. they were all feeling extremely sad and many were red eyed. the mood was somehow the same amongst all: "why did XXXXX die? he is still so young."

i felt i have let everyone down.. but dying would made it even worst. i had to live.
hmm.. that was what was going through my mind at the multi storey carpark that night.
dont worry, i dont have suicide thoughts anymore.


anyway, i hope this is not turning into a "chicken soup for the broken hearts" lol

cheers

[garyj5]

Bro,

You sharing your experience and pain is very admirable. I suspect many of us have similar experiences but confronting it and making decisions will never be easy and you are indeed a bigger man for doing so, RESPECT!!

I would like to open and share as well for i have been in very similar situations where marriage has moved from one where i feel that its my duty to be around even though true happiness is no longer there. Thats when i start making excuses for the unfaithfulness through other venues. but i am not sure if its age or what but gradually, flings at KTVs and WL are no longer what i want... i want to search for the feeling of love, happiness, vitality again.. thats where the problems starts.

I have been frequently thinking of seperation but i feel that i am wrong to my family and i dont have the freaking balls to do so because i am afraid to be alone and never find someone who will truely stand by me at all times which my wife does.. But i am caught because the i dont feel any physical attraction to my wife and its been years since we got intimate. It all ends up meeting nice girls who though from a physical part is great ( probably because all new experiences are great) but there was never that push to say this is the one to finally have the courage to call my marriage quits..

It always ends up feeling shitty when the girl and i breaks up because i cannot leave the wife and children and i end up the same old cycle and feeling so miserable and hating myself.

I know you brothers will flame me for being a selfish, greedy bastard and i take all that but i wish that out there, some one can relate to how i feel,not because i wish to seek self pity and assurance but to know that if you are in the same dilema, you are not alone. I still fufill all my responsibilty as a providing father but i fail in the section of a husband because i compensate the abscence of intimacy with gifts and trips,

Its now where status quo means me and my wife still are like great friends talking, discussing but we dont have the urge to be intimate at all and we put on a great show to everyone else that what a lucky couple we are,

Deep inside, i feel empty and confused because i know the time will come, where i need to take the courage to settle my marriage and start my life afresh and if the heavenly beings is willing to let me find a true soul mate to spend teh later years of my life.. else, i wll have to accept the possibility of ending up alone, old, and even with all the money in the world to have young lassies but end up not having anyone who truely cares and cries at my grave.

Hang in there bro and i have learned through my years that time will heal and everything happens for a reason.

[seowlang]

Originally Posted by multiverse

my mind is truly my worst enemy.


Paiseh for the boring bits..

your mind can be your worst enemy but sometimes yr best friend as well.

i am just slightly baffled by your post because what is holding u back when your bf is 'cleared' for u to be together? he is just performing his responsibility for his previous relationship and there is nothing stopping him from being with u. so why are u insisting on breaking up and making life diff for yrself? unless the reason is that u cant accept his past.

dont worry, it doesnt bore me.

cheers

[seowlang]

Originally Posted by garyj5

Bro,

I would like to open and share as well for i have been in very similar situations where marriage has moved from one where i feel that its my duty to be around even though true happiness is no longer there.

bro, im really not sure if im in a position to comment because yours is one that i have not experience before. however, from what i have gathered from your summary, u r unhappy with the lack of physical intimacy (and attraction to yr wife) and happiness. i dont know if both are inter-related but i guess in a way there are. u seemed to be staying on in the marriage just for your kids and that alone is admirable too. u r responsible.

no matter how bad it sounds, a 3rd party should never encourage ppl in the situation to get a divorce of separation. likewise, the same for me. can u ask yrself this 2 questions:

do u still love your wife? what attracted her to you in the first place?

for the 2nd question, take time to actually write down on a piece of paper all the things that made u decide that : hmm.. this is the woman i want to marry." are they still there? if not, what can u do about it?

its common to just keep blaming your wife/partner and not point the finger at yourself. since u already shown some great responsibilities of a father, why not try harder to solve the marriage? ever thought of a marriage counsellor?
pls, no matter what, dont ever be to proud to ask for help.

the lack of physical intimacy is something i can relate to though. try speaking to your wife abt your needs.. be frank but tactful, after all the truth will hurt her.


pls bro, dont try to abandon this marriage and really think u will try your best to find happiness else where. try to solve the problem at hand. having u say that yr wife and u are like great friends talking is already such an encouragement that your problems appear solvable. really.

good luck and hear from u.

cheers

[multiverse]

Originally Posted by seowlang

dont worry, it doesnt bore me.

cheers

haha then be prepared for long story:

it's more complicated than that, i don't know if it's really what he wants because we have a 16 years age gap. also, i'm chinese and he's muslim. that girl insists that she is his wife, but he insists that he's not and his IC is not registered in ROMM. but she claims that they married in indonesia, and honestly, i'm not so sure now. not all marriages have to be registered with ROMM right..

i still rmb the day i went to his place (w/o his knowledge and not knowing anything at all), was greeted by 1 tight slap (really damn power the slap) and i can vividly rmb the look in her eyes as she said "if i could i would kill you right now" i was really so depressed i think if i had a knife i would've handed it to her... i will never cry in front of anybody but that day i really couldn't help it, the feeling was utter shit.

he's actually serving time now, and one of his charges is housebreaking. housebreaking into my family's house. he took my mom's credit card and use until cannot use, and pawned my family heirloom away. i had to find that out using my PI skills myself, and he still had the cheek to deny it like so many times until i finally pushed him to 1 corner. i felt so hurt and betrayed, and i really felt used. it's also the age gap--i felt that he really had not taken this relationship seriously at all and i was being used by him all along.

he told me afterwards that he was in debt, and he had no choice but to do if not his life is at risk. i really want to believe him, but my trust for him has finally reached it's limit. he told me he took my key while i was sleeping. i was so crushed because i really gave up all for him. he was kicked out of the house, and i left the comfort of my bed to sleep on the streets with him because i did not want him to feel alone. i would even think, what was wrong with me that he had to do this?

i really do love him, but i'm still confused. although deep inside, i do know that eventually i will go back to him because i cannot pretend that i don't love him or don't care. i really sometimes want to ask god if he exists, "why put us together when you want to make things so difficult?" being together felt so right but then it's like every damn thing and everyone is out to drag us apart.

i feel quite defenseless sharing so much, since i've never really said to anyone anything about my personal life. i don't like to tell anyone this because, i know everyone is gonna say "why the hell do you bother with him then". i think i'm just a naive girl and i believe that it's not possible that he is so heartless. he's that kinda guy very act man one lah, keep things to himself and hides his emotion.
but that day i visited him in prison, and i saw tears from him. not those bawling kind of crying, but it's those uncontrollable tears that falls down from his eyes. i don't know how good guys are at faking tears, but i really believed that was real, and is good enough a reason for me to believe there's this liiiiiittle goodness in him.

i don't even understand my emotions well, but i guess what i feel is that, if i love him but am not with him, i won't have any expectations. because i have no expectation from him, he can't hurt me that much. and to me, just loving itself is rewarding. i'm just afraid to be in a relationship with him, to get used to being happy with him, and when he pulls this kind of trick of me again, i really don't know what i'll be...i think i'll probably end up in IMM...

sorry, super long post...it's mostly not relevant to your situation, but there were some bits in it i could relate to, so really thank you for the story. admire you for being able to reveal everything.

[seowlang]

today im on leave so no worries. i chose not to go out and rest at home. so, let this uncle be yr uncle agony. =)

your case is one that has all the alarm bells ringing all over.

1. religion
2. age gap
3. stealing from u

for 1, he is a muslim and that means u have to convert. are u ready? no right or wrong answer. but before u even attempt to answer that, pls find out what a muslim woman has to do. u being a chinese may or may not be able to accept. of cos, we have seen our ever lovely wendy jacobs doing that to fandi. kudos.

2. age gap
that is one bloody huge age gap. one that may be too big, even for myself. J and I has an 11 years gap and i already think its way too big. i cannot imagine yours. say u all overcome everything to be together.. when u r 50, he is 76. should he past on earlier, u r going to be very lonely. that is a bit selfish to think but then again, why shouldnt u think for yourself since there are so many problems in the relp?

3. stealing from u
this has to be the one that says it all. a man, no matter how desperate or indebted, how poor, will never never, ever, steal from within. if that happens, i think this person is almost close to a goner. sorry for the harsh words. i say that bcos i know a very poor man (ex neighbour years ago).. so poor that he has no money for food. and he stole food not for himself, but for his family. he remained hungry. what im trying to say is that no matter what, if u consider the person to be a family, u will never steal from him/her. u may prolly steal for them, but never from them.

being in debt is not an excuse. if one day i will to be bankrupt/in debt for whatever reason, i will not steal from my family. in the worst case, i may be tempted to commit crimes outside to solve the situation but maybe thats the worst that can happen. this is the core characteristics of human beings and especially a man! to protect his family.

u r still young. easy for me to say to u that u should forget him. but u should u know? this man is not for u. i dare say that just based on what u said.

as for crying, i dont know. maybe some men can fake it. but in the first place, do u know why he cried? he could be crying for the fact that he was sorry for himself that he was careless and regretted being caught, not bcos he stole from u. u will never know the real reason why he cry.

every man deserves a chance. that i agree. but since u r not married to him, u have a choice. the choice is yours to make.

cheers
sl

[xrage]

Firstly, kudos to you bro Seowlang for this brutally honest thread. (If there was a smiley taking off a hat, I'd use it). It must not be easy to recall those painful times to share with us all here..

It was one moving story and thank you for that.

I'm also surprised to find a sis her sharing her piece of story here. Thank you.

Many people have said "time will heal". There is truth in that, and I also realise that when you look from a higher purpose, this is better for her. Better for her means it's a good thing, though it still hurts like a bitch. But when I recover from emotional hurt, I look from a more macro view, and if that view is really better off, that it is better for all, and invariably I feel better too.

Take care bro.

[multiverse]

thanks for taking the time to read and give your comments, seowlang. i will take your words into serious consideration i just can't bring myself to leave him to rot when he's already so down. my mind knows this is unhealthy, but my emotions always get to me. blah.

[sennheiser]

Sometimes you have to force yourself to use your head and not your heart. If he can't be bothered to pull himself up, nothing else can.

There's a saying that no one will starve if they are willing to work. This is very true. Those old uncles u see daily at the MRT stations selling tissues, they are willing to work for their money no matter how much of a pittance that is. What more a able bodied man?