Cheating girlfriend/partner/wife

[a2014]

Assuming what you said is true, you are a player therefore it is naturally you will feel uncomfortable when you detect irregular activities going around.

Sorry for my comment, I may be very straight forward. Both of you are not angel either, why I said that, already sleeping around for so many years now then talk about planning marriage. Not supprise that she goes out with others but to what extent, nobody knows. Naturally when there are fishes swimming around freely, fishermen will be around.

If she is a true player, I guess the phone will be pass code locked or sensitive message deleted, normally no chance for you to peep at. From 2010 till now you only mention three on the list, therefore I guess they are the come and go type, to what extent you will have to judge and observe yourself, what kind of girl is she.

Well, nowaday you still can find virgin running around but don't expect too much. You have to sort out your own thinking, see yourself in the mirror before you judge others.

Do you love her, why take so long to get married ? apparent both of you are not ready. You are only providing opportunities for yourself and others as well.

I don't think she knows that you are peeping at her phone, guess she will be disappointed if she is to find out. Take Care.

This is just my point of view.

[harddisk]

Sorry to hear that bro. Wondering if you're still here reading? I'm also in a position like you.

I dated my wife for 8 years. Broke up several times but eventually we patched. She took the initiative to patch up with me. Over the years of courtship, she had other men trying to hit on her and of course I wasn't happy. Such things take 2 hands to clap in order to work it out so if she was serious about our relationship, she should make her stand firm with the other men. There were occasions I accidentally found out. For example, last time got icq. While I was helping her to reinstall, I stumbled on her chat history of some flirty messages. When I asked her about it, she said they were just friends. When I asked how she would feel if I did the same on other girls, she said she will feel uneasy. Anyway, I try my best to let her live her life the way she want it because we are adults and we learn from mistakes so I hoped she knows where to draw the line. I trusted her entirely.

Fast forward, we have been married for 8 years and have 3 kids. My wife takes public transport to work and she usually complains to me about the crowd. When we chat, she would casually talk to me about this guy friend (whom is married) like he would buy meals for her, give her lifts sometimes buy food for my kids. To me, that is normal. It sounds like a platonic friendship.

Not sure what triggered me but I started to take note of how she presents herself. Before she leaves the house she will use mouth wash. She also stopped complaining about transport crowds. Though wrong of me, I started to check on her ezlink history. Damn, no more transport history for months!

One day I messaged her asking if she's still taking public transport daily, she said sometimes she gets a lift from her friend. Then for no reason, she explained that because the man is on the way. I kept quiet. That same day she asked me to fetch her after work. Strangely, she was very attentive to me and held my hand as I drove, acknowledging my complaints about work.

One day, I woke up early because I have not been sleeping well thinking and piecing the info together. Just as she was to leave the house, I offered to send her to work. She happily agreed. So I pretended to walk away but reappeared, observing that she closed the messaging app on her mobile. A couple of times she did that actually. When she wasn't looking, I look at the messages (it was the first time in years that I actually read her messages). She addressed the man intimately and asked him not to pick her today!

I confronted her and her face was as white as a sheet. She could not offer any explanation but insisted she still loved me.

That was the worst day of my life. My heart really sank. The woman I loved and forgave during our courtship days is doing this to me again after we have been married for 8 years!

I can forgive my wife but I cannot forget the hurt. I still love her and am willing to stick with my family through thick and thin. It may sound like I'm silly but the marriage vows really mean something to me.

We had a long talk about it. I think things may be ok. But I'm not sure about the future.

I'm not trying to convince you to stay or leave this relationship. Rather, once you choose, it's yours to fulfill so think very very carefully.

I will stop here. Wish you the very best.

[patrickzapu]

Originally Posted by harddisk

Sorry to hear that bro. Wondering if you're still here reading? I'm also in a position like you.

I dated my wife for 8 years. Broke up several times but eventually we patched. She took the initiative to patch up with me. Over the years of courtship, she had other men trying to hit on her and of course I wasn't happy. Such things take 2 hands to clap in order to work it out so if she was serious about our relationship, she should make her stand firm with the other men. There were occasions I accidentally found out. For example, last time got icq. While I was helping her to reinstall, I stumbled on her chat history of some flirty messages. When I asked her about it, she said they were just friends. When I asked how she would feel if I did the same on other girls, she said she will feel uneasy. Anyway, I try my best to let her live her life the way she want it because we are adults and we learn from mistakes so I hoped she knows where to draw the line. I trusted her entirely.

Hi bro, hope all will turn out well for u........it's never easy to sustain while having all these on your back cos we always bring it up during the bad times....

[harddisk]

Originally Posted by patrickzapu

Hi bro, hope all will turn out well for u........it's never easy to sustain while having all these on your back cos we always bring it up during the bad times....

Thanks bro. Appreciate that someone knows how i feel.

I have never cheated but ever since this incident, i realised no matter how much one is faithful and devoted to the family, the other party may still want something more.

When i see married pple ard me, it makes me wonder if they or their spouse have done anything behind their backs anot.

I will slowly start to spread my wings now. I consider myself a late bloomer.

Couldnt sleep over the weekend and i hopped over to a spa in the middle of the night for a good 1.5hr massage. The masseuse had a soothing voice which really helped me relax as we chatted.

[a2014]

Originally Posted by harddisk

Thanks bro. Appreciate that someone knows how i feel.

I have never cheated but ever since this incident, i realised no matter how much one is faithful and devoted to the family, the other party may still want something more.

When i see married pple ard me, it makes me wonder if they or their spouse have done anything behind their backs anot.

I will slowly start to spread my wings now. I consider myself a late bloomer.

Couldnt sleep over the weekend and i hopped over to a spa in the middle of the night for a good 1.5hr massage. The masseuse had a soothing voice which really helped me relax as we chatted.

Take care, soothing voice can kick off a new episode for yourself which may eventually rein any chance of making up with your wife.

The problem with working people is that you gain to face friends outside at work longer that you face your other partner at home. Especially when the other party has a car, it is very convenience and easily accessible as it provides a private and conducive environment to start something.

I guess both of you are still quite young and she is not a career headed person which make it easier for other to talk to.

What ever you do, take care and think twice, never get yourself entangle and never leave evidence behind when you act otherwise.

[ahbutthen]

My friend once told me his wife is pregnant.

Congrats! I said in delight.

He stared at me blankly for two seconds and said: the child isn't mine and I am getting a divorce

My jaw dropped

He turned and walked away

Moral of the story: cut off before too late

[harddisk]

I asked for a divorce but She won't agree to it. I'm sitting on a fence now, if I should give this marriage another chance or insist on a split.

I may still love her but I think I ought to love myself more now.

[maxsee]

Should just end the marriage...a person who cheat is an extremely selfish person....when they cheat, they forgot that they have a family back home waiting for them....

[a2014]

Originally Posted by harddisk

I asked for a divorce but She won't agree to it. I'm sitting on a fence now, if I should give this marriage another chance or insist on a split.

I may still love her but I think I ought to love myself more now.

This is a never ending and very tricky issue. If you stay put you love her more, how? Will she appreciate.

If someone address another intimately, then it's going to be hard. If she want to continue with this kind of relationship then it's going to hurt you long term. Will you ever win the war ?

No harm staying on for a while but both of you will need to be open and can this ever happen, she tell you exactly all those juicy story and you stay there calmly and listen and advise her to avoid as he is the third party and may hurt you.

Will you ever accept her again if she said she has gone to bed with this guy.

You will still have to decide yourself, whatever happen I don't think you are very far from doing it right. Maybe the other way round, you become a buddy of her eventually.

[harddisk]

Originally Posted by a2014

This is a never ending and very tricky issue. If you stay put you love her more, how? Will she appreciate.

If someone address another intimately, then it's going to be hard. If she want to continue with this kind of relationship then it's going to hurt you long term. Will you ever win the war ?

No harm staying on for a while but both of you will need to be open and can this ever happen, she tell you exactly all those juicy story and you stay there calmly and listen and advise her to avoid as he is the third party and may hurt you.

Will you ever accept her again if she said she has gone to bed with this guy.

You will still have to decide yourself, whatever happen I don't think you are very far from doing it right. Maybe the other way round, you become a buddy of her eventually.

Bro a2014, thanks for your advice.

Never ending I agree. We have been okay yet argue on-off these weeks because every now and then the past haunts me.

I console myself by going for massages/fl and I am very careful without leaving any traces.

Fb with her you mean? This will be the best joke I can make her out of!

Seriously no idea what she was thinking when she decided to get involved with that man and hide it from me. Maybe that man can provide for her emotionally. Looks wise, I'm dumbfounded because I have confronted him before. But come on, a man romances a woman during the early stages of courtship and marriage. If a woman wants that kind of attention constantly, she should just stick to having a different man every now and then.

[harddisk]

Originally Posted by a2014

No harm staying on for a while but both of you will need to be open and can this ever happen, she tell you exactly all those juicy story and you stay there calmly and listen and advise her to avoid as he is the third party and may hurt you.

Will you ever accept her again if she said she has gone to bed with this guy.

During courtship already had a few occasions where she will tell me about it and I had advised her. For example, this guy was texting her constantly so I told her to tell the guy she's going out with her bf (that's me) that day. After that the guy totally stopped texting. The guy constantly text her because he wasn't aware she's attached. And she did not make it clear right from the start. F-up.

This time round is different. The man know she's married. And she did this. Really, like I read in a another thread... Leopard never changes its spots.

I can only walk through this slowly and carefully, hoping that I do not fall head over heels with her anymore.

What a crap life.

[prettymannequin]

Originally Posted by harddisk

I can only walk through this slowly and carefully, hoping that I do not fall head over heels with her anymore.

What a crap life.

She's not worth your time and emotions anymore. A crap episode doesn't make your entire life crap. Get out there and start loving yourself a bit more now.

[a2014]

Originally Posted by harddisk

I can only walk through this slowly and carefully, hoping that I do not fall head over heels with her anymore.

I suppose you are right. If she decide to live by it and not wanted to make any changes to her life, then I don't think this will change eventually. Not that she doesn't know you love her, she knew, she is taking the chance.

Time has changed, not only man wants to have more, so does ladies. She basically don't know what is going to be her future in love life, just go by the days and her feeling. Maybe you are still her priority that is why when you want to fetch her she will comply and ask him to avoid and he knew as well, he seem to just want a free ride and not commit so play along.

Walk slowly, your wound will heal very soon and you will know where you should be heading.

[harddisk]

To the bros who advised that i should drop this marriage, i would like to hear why and what made you decide this way. It could be past experiences which may value add to the discussion.

Its like asking for opinions from friends before changing a job. Advice from people who have worked 5 years vs one who just started work at his first job makes a difference.

Wonder wheres TS?

[Johnbass]

Originally Posted by harddisk

To the bros who advised that i should drop this marriage, i would like to hear why and what made you decide this way. It could be past experiences which may value add to the discussion.

Its like asking for opinions from friends before changing a job. Advice from people who have worked 5 years vs one who just started work at his first job makes a difference.

Wonder wheres TS?

Didn't really follow your story...
But if she is cheating on you...
And you are consoling yourself by going for massages/fl...
Then most probably you 2 are better off without each other.
No right or wrong choices...
You just need to live with the consequences of your life choices.