Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[inflection]

Agreed that many bros here shared great jokes.

[healthsex]

Very nice jokes, thanks bro bigbirdbird

[SCBTalker]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

DATING DICTIONARY

ATTRACTION - the act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT 1st SIGHT - what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

DATING - the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

BIRTH CONTROL - avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, dating repulsive men or spending time around children.

EASY - a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

PRIG - a term used to describe a woman who wants to stay virgin until married.

EYE CONTACT - a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND - a member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE - a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."

INTERESTING - a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

IRRITATING HABIT - what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

LAW OF RELATIVITY - how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportional to how unattractive your date is.

NYMPHOMANIAC - a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.

FRIGID - a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex less often than he does, or who requires more foreplay than lifting her nightgown.

SOBER - condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

NAG - a man's term for a woman who wants more to her life with him than just intercourse

Nice one bro

[Rained]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Final Exam



A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam.

He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death.

One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse. You can use your other hand to write."

hahha this one is funny

[TwinTowers]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

*4. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.*

*7. Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.*

*9. When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "Congrats!". But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!".*

These ones are funny.

[NastyThaiboy]

great jokes to brighten up the day!

[muthusammy86]

Yes, wait for more.

[muthusammy86]

Q. What is the difference between a tightrope walker and a street walker?

A. One has a cunning stunt while the other has a stunning cunt.

[smellmycock]

Originally Posted by muthusammy86

Q. What is the difference between a tightrope walker and a street walker?

A. One has a cunning stunt while the other has a stunning cunt.

Nice share bro!

[AlienWar]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Queen Elizabeth Visits a Hospital





The Queen of England was visiting a hospital, and she stopped by one of the beds to speak to the man lying there.

"What is wrong with you, sir?" she asked the man.

"I got a wart on my balls," he replies, much to the astonishment of the nurses.
One of the nurses immediately rushes over to him. "You can't say that to the queen!" the nurse shouts.

"Well what should I have said then?" replies the man.
"Something like you have a bruise on your back, or a cut on your arm, or a graze on your knee.

Anything but 'I have a wart on my balls'!" answers the nurse.

Two months later, Princess Anne is visiting the same hospital, and just happens to pass the same bed, with the same man in it.

"What is wrong with you, sir?" asks the princess.

"Um, I have a bruise on my back," replies the man.

"Oh," the princess answers, "I'm so glad to hear that your balls are better...I'll tell the queen."

This is funny! Thanks bro

[bigbirdbird]

Cunnilingus


Nina and Rosy were talking about their sex lives.

Nina said that her new boyfriend always wants to perform cunnilingus, all the time.

"Wow," said Rosy, "You are really lucky. But if you want to prevent him from doing that, just rub a little garlic down there."

Nina said, "I tried that already, and the next night he came to bed with some bread, olive oil, and oregano.

[bigbirdbird]

Top 10 Valentine Poems





10 ~ I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk

9 ~ Our love will never become cold and hollow
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8 ~ I bought this Valentine's card at the sto.
In hopes that later, you'd be my ho.

7 ~ This feels so good, it feels so right
I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

6 ~ You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class
Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5 ~ Before I met you, my heart was so famished
But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

4 ~ Through all the things that came to pass
Our love has grown. . . but so has your ass.

3 ~ You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie.

I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".

2 ~ I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny
So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

1 ~ If you think that hickey looks like a blister
You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

[bigbirdbird]

Doing Nothing

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing."

The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?" At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

Finally, I pondered an age-old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?

Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know why, here is the reason for my conclusion:

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case.

Time for another beer. Then maybe a nap.

[bigbirdbird]

In a Public Bathroom


Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed that Martin's penis was twisted like a corkscrew.

"Wow," Gary said. "I've never seen one like that before."

"Like what?" Martin said. "All twisted like a pig's tail," Gary said.

"Well, what's yours like?" Martin asked.

"Straight, like normal," Gary said. "I thought mine was normal until I saw yours," Martin said.

Gary finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants.

"What did you do that for?" Martin said.

"Shaking off the excess drops," Gary said.. "Like normal."

"FUCK!," Martin said. "And all these years I've been wringing it."

[bigbirdbird]

Car Trouble


A young woman experienced car trouble late one afternoon, but luckily, an old man in a tow truck stopped and offered help.

Not knowing the area, she asked if he could repair the car.

He agreed to do it and after hoisting the car up on the truck, the two of them took the car back to the old man's garage.

He looked at the engine and made an estimate about one hundred dollars more than she could pay at the time.

"Darn. Just one hundred dollars? If you weren't such an old guy," she said, "I'd fuck you for the remainder of the bill."

"Hell, I'll show you who’s old!" the old man retorted. "Take off that dress and get on the car."

She giggled as she slipped off her dress and eyed the old man after he dropped his pants. He was hung like a mule!

"Oboy!", she thought. "Not only am I going to get a great discount on the repairs, I'm going to get the hell fucked out of me too."

About that time, she noticed the old man placing washers on the base of his dick.

"Hey, what are you doing?", the woman asked.

"Hell", the old man replied, "You think for just a hundred dollars, you're gonna get all of this?"