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  #9376  
Old 26-11-2018, 07:56 PM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

There were three babies in a woman's stomach, and they were discussing what they would like to be when birthed and grown up.

The first one said "I wanna be a plumber."

The others laughed at this, and asked "why a plumber?"

He replied, "so I can fix the pipes in here, its kinda leaky."

The second one said "I wanna be an electrician."

The others laughed at this and asked "why an electrician?"

He replied, "so I can get some lights in here, its dark!"

The third one said "I wanna be a boxer."

The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full 5 minutes, before asking, "why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?"

He replied, "so I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us!"
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  #9377  
Old 26-11-2018, 07:58 PM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

There were three gals who were getting married and all met at the marriage counselor's office to discuss the options of having or not having a baby right away.

There were two city gals and one farm gal.

The counselor asked them if they planned on having a baby right away or were going to wait awhile.

They all agreed that they had discussed this with their potential husbands and all agreed to wait awhile.

Well the counselor asked the first gal what type of birth control she planned to use. Her answer was, the rhythm method. That will work said the counselor if you keep a good record.

He asked the second gal what system she planned on using. I plan on using birth control pills she said. Again he said, yes that will work as long as you don't forget to take them.

He then asked the farm girl what system she was planning on using. Her answer was, the pail and saucer, method. After a short delay, he again told her that should also work.

He asked them all to come back in one year on a specific date for a follow up on how things were going.

They all met again one year later and the two city gals were pregnant. Only the farm gal was slim and trim yet.

Well the counselor asked the first gal what method she used and what went wrong.

She replied that she used the rhythm method, but somehow got her notes mixed up and, well here I am, going to have a baby.

He asked the second city gal what method she used and she replied, the birth control pill but we were camping one weekend and I didn't have my pills with me and as you can see, I too am going to have a baby.

He turns to the farm gal and told her that I vaguely remember you were going to use the pail and saucer method. .Now I must admit that I don't have a clue what the pail and saucer method is.Will you explain it to me as I see it has worked well for you.

She replied, "Well we make love standing up, and since I am quite a bit taller than my husband, he stands on a pail turned upside down. Now as we are making love, I watch his eyes, and when his eyes get as big as saucers, I kick the pail out from under him.
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  #9378  
Old 26-11-2018, 09:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbirdbird View Post
There were three gals who were getting married and all met at the marriage counselor's office to discuss the options of having or not having a baby right away.

There were two city gals and one farm gal.

She replied, "Well we make love standing up, and since I am quite a bit taller than my husband, he stands on a pail turned upside down. Now as we are making love, I watch his eyes, and when his eyes get as big as saucers, I kick the pail out from under him.
Cannot stop laughing at this joke.
Really nice saucer and pail method is unique and interesting.
Thanks bro bigbirdbird.
  #9379  
Old 26-11-2018, 10:49 PM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

ooh.. dat's sic & funnie!

Quote:
Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1 View Post
One day Paddy goes into a pharmacy - reaches into his pocket and takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon.

He pours from the bottle onto the teaspoon and offers it to the pharmacist.

"Could you taste this for me, please?"

The pharmacist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.

"Does that taste sweet to you?? asks the chap.
"No, not at all," says the chemist.

"Oh that's a relief," says Paddy. "The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar by the pharmacist."
  #9380  
Old 27-11-2018, 09:35 AM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbirdbird View Post
There were three gals who were getting married and all met at the marriage counselor's office to discuss the options of having or not having a baby right away.

There were two city gals and one farm gal.

The counselor asked them if they planned on having a baby right away or were going to wait awhile.

They all agreed that they had discussed this with their potential husbands and all agreed to wait awhile.

Well the counselor asked the first gal what type of birth control she planned to use. Her answer was, the rhythm method. That will work said the counselor if you keep a good record.

He asked the second gal what system she planned on using. I plan on using birth control pills she said. Again he said, yes that will work as long as you don't forget to take them.

He then asked the farm girl what system she was planning on using. Her answer was, the pail and saucer, method. After a short delay, he again told her that should also work.

He asked them all to come back in one year on a specific date for a follow up on how things were going.

They all met again one year later and the two city gals were pregnant. Only the farm gal was slim and trim yet.

Well the counselor asked the first gal what method she used and what went wrong.

She replied that she used the rhythm method, but somehow got her notes mixed up and, well here I am, going to have a baby.

He asked the second city gal what method she used and she replied, the birth control pill but we were camping one weekend and I didn't have my pills with me and as you can see, I too am going to have a baby.

He turns to the farm gal and told her that I vaguely remember you were going to use the pail and saucer method. .Now I must admit that I don't have a clue what the pail and saucer method is.Will you explain it to me as I see it has worked well for you.

She replied, "Well we make love standing up, and since I am quite a bit taller than my husband, he stands on a pail turned upside down. Now as we are making love, I watch his eyes, and when his eyes get as big as saucers, I kick the pail out from under him.
Thanks bro for sharing, return +9
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  #9381  
Old 27-11-2018, 12:19 PM
warbird warbird is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbirdbird View Post
There were three gals who were getting married and all met at the marriage counselor's office to discuss the options of having or not having a baby right away.

There were two city gals and one farm gal.

The counselor asked them if they planned on having a baby right away or were going to wait awhile.

They all agreed that they had discussed this with their potential husbands and all agreed to wait awhile.

Well the counselor asked the first gal what type of birth control she planned to use. Her answer was, the rhythm method. That will work said the counselor if you keep a good record.

He asked the second gal what system she planned on using. I plan on using birth control pills she said. Again he said, yes that will work as long as you don't forget to take them.

He then asked the farm girl what system she was planning on using. Her answer was, the pail and saucer, method. After a short delay, he again told her that should also work.

He asked them all to come back in one year on a specific date for a follow up on how things were going.

They all met again one year later and the two city gals were pregnant. Only the farm gal was slim and trim yet.

Well the counselor asked the first gal what method she used and what went wrong.

She replied that she used the rhythm method, but somehow got her notes mixed up and, well here I am, going to have a baby.

He asked the second city gal what method she used and she replied, the birth control pill but we were camping one weekend and I didn't have my pills with me and as you can see, I too am going to have a baby.

He turns to the farm gal and told her that I vaguely remember you were going to use the pail and saucer method. .Now I must admit that I don't have a clue what the pail and saucer method is.Will you explain it to me as I see it has worked well for you.

She replied, "Well we make love standing up, and since I am quite a bit taller than my husband, he stands on a pail turned upside down. Now as we are making love, I watch his eyes, and when his eyes get as big as saucers, I kick the pail out from under him.
Bro,

Very good joke!
  #9382  
Old 27-11-2018, 05:45 PM
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Tai_zi21 Tai_zi21 is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbirdbird View Post
There were three babies in a woman's stomach, and they were discussing what they would like to be when birthed and grown up.

The first one said "I wanna be a plumber."

The others laughed at this, and asked "why a plumber?"

He replied, "so I can fix the pipes in here, its kinda leaky."

The second one said "I wanna be an electrician."

The others laughed at this and asked "why an electrician?"

He replied, "so I can get some lights in here, its dark!"

The third one said "I wanna be a boxer."

The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full 5 minutes, before asking, "why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?"

He replied, "so I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us!"
This is really funny
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  #9383  
Old 28-11-2018, 10:21 AM
warbird warbird is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Sex with the priest's wife.

Jack goes to his buddy Bob and says ... "I'm sleeping with the priest's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?" The friend doesn't like it but being a buddy, he agrees. After mass,

Bob starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally, the priest gets annoyed and asks him what he's really up to.

Bob feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest... "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Bob's shoulder and says... "You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago".
  #9384  
Old 28-11-2018, 12:52 PM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Quote:
Originally Posted by warbird View Post
Sex with the priest's wife.

Jack goes to his buddy Bob and says ... "I'm sleeping with the priest's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?" The friend doesn't like it but being a buddy, he agrees. After mass,

Bob starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally, the priest gets annoyed and asks him what he's really up to.

Bob feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest... "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Bob's shoulder and says... "You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago".
Interesting joke. Thank you so much for sharing.

Hope can read more.
  #9385  
Old 28-11-2018, 12:58 PM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Nice joke bro.
Anymore Priest's jokes.
Thanks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by warbird View Post
Sex with the priest's wife.

Jack goes to his buddy Bob and says ... "I'm sleeping with the priest's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?" The friend doesn't like it but being a buddy, he agrees. After mass,

Bob starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally, the priest gets annoyed and asks him what he's really up to.

Bob feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest... "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Bob's shoulder and says... "You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago".
  #9386  
Old 28-11-2018, 07:41 PM
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bigbirdbird bigbirdbird is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Quote:
Originally Posted by warbird View Post
The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Bob's shoulder and says... "You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago".
555 .... Nice One Bro
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  #9387  
Old 28-11-2018, 08:31 PM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Quote:
Originally Posted by warbird View Post
Sex with the priest's wife.

Jack goes to his buddy Bob and says ... "I'm sleeping with the priest's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?" The friend doesn't like it but being a buddy, he agrees. After mass,

Bob starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally, the priest gets annoyed and asks him what he's really up to.

Bob feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest... "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Bob's shoulder and says... "You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago".
Very good joke. Tks for sharing. Wishing to read more.
  #9388  
Old 28-11-2018, 09:13 PM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbirdbird View Post
There were three gals who were getting married and all met at the marriage counselor's office to discuss the options of having or not having a baby right away.

There were two city gals and one farm gal.

The counselor asked them if they planned on having a baby right away or were going to wait awhile.

They all agreed that they had discussed this with their potential husbands and all agreed to wait awhile.

Well the counselor asked the first gal what type of birth control she planned to use. Her answer was, the rhythm method. That will work said the counselor if you keep a good record.

He asked the second gal what system she planned on using. I plan on using birth control pills she said. Again he said, yes that will work as long as you don't forget to take them.

He then asked the farm girl what system she was planning on using. Her answer was, the pail and saucer, method. After a short delay, he again told her that should also work.

He asked them all to come back in one year on a specific date for a follow up on how things were going.

They all met again one year later and the two city gals were pregnant. Only the farm gal was slim and trim yet.

Well the counselor asked the first gal what method she used and what went wrong.

She replied that she used the rhythm method, but somehow got her notes mixed up and, well here I am, going to have a baby.

He asked the second city gal what method she used and she replied, the birth control pill but we were camping one weekend and I didn't have my pills with me and as you can see, I too am going to have a baby.

He turns to the farm gal and told her that I vaguely remember you were going to use the pail and saucer method. .Now I must admit that I don't have a clue what the pail and saucer method is.Will you explain it to me as I see it has worked well for you.

She replied, "Well we make love standing up, and since I am quite a bit taller than my husband, he stands on a pail turned upside down. Now as we are making love, I watch his eyes, and when his eyes get as big as saucers, I kick the pail out from under him.
Nice one bro, thanks!!
  #9389  
Old 28-11-2018, 11:25 PM
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Very good priest joke.
Have any nun jokes bro?
Thanks

Quote:
Originally Posted by warbird View Post
Sex with the priest's wife.

Jack goes to his buddy Bob and says ... "I'm sleeping with the priest's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?" The friend doesn't like it but being a buddy, he agrees. After mass,

Bob starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally, the priest gets annoyed and asks him what he's really up to.

Bob feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest... "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Bob's shoulder and says... "You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago".
  #9390  
Old 28-11-2018, 11:53 PM
DearLite DearLite is offline
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Re: Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbirdbird View Post
A trucker drives his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and starts down the other side when he notices a man and a woman making love in the center of the road. He blows his horn several times, but they don't budge. He slams on his brakes and stops just inches from them.

Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walks to the couple, still in the road, and yells, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could've been killed!"

The man on the highway looks up and says, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."
Nice share bro
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