Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[dasnaq]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

One beautiful sexy employee hit a 5 million lottery jackpot.

ROFL, jolly good joke and thanks!

[bornear]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

My wife's mother visited us.
We were all in the sitting room chatting.
My wife felt sex but could not tell me directly so she stood up and pretended she had developed a terrible headache.
She went to the bedroom and I followed her shortly.
We had sex and when I came back to the sitting room, I forgot to zip up.
In the sitting room;
Mother in law: "How is she now?"
Me: "I've given her panadol.
She is now sleeping.
Mother in law: "That's good my son, now please CLOSE THE PHARMACY."
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Hehehe very good joke, so funny

[trunkquoc]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Ole and Lena Met at Church

Well, Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church. Lena went every Sunday and taught Sunday School. Ole went on Christmas and Easter and once in a while he went on one of the other Sundays.

On one of those Sundays, he was in the pew right behind Lena and he noticed what a fine looking woman she was.

While they were taking up the collection, Ole leaned forward and said, "Hey, Lena, how 'bout you and me go to dinner in Bakersfield nex Friday?"

"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.

Well, Ole couldn't believe his luck.

All week long he polished up his old Ford, and on Friday he picked Lena up and took her to the finest restaurant in Bakersfield.

When they sat down, Ole looked over at Lena and said, "Hey, Lena, vould you like a cocktail before dinner?"

"Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"

Well, Ole was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

"Hey, Lena," said Ole, "vould you like a smoke?"

"Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"

Well, Ole was feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his Ford and was driving Lena home when dey passed the Hot Springs Motel. He'd struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose.

"Hey, Lena," said Ole, "how vould you like to stop at that motel with me?"

"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.

Well, Ole couldn't believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then and there across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel. He checked in with Lena.

They spent the night making love for almost the entire night.

The next morning Ole got up first.

He looked at Lena lying there in the bed, her blonde curls on the pillow. "Vat have I done? Vat have I done?" thought Ole.

He shook Lena and she woke up. "Lena, I've got to ask you von ting," said Ole. "Vat are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"

"Lena said, "The same ting I alvays tell dem. You don't have to smoke or drink to have a good time!"

Very nice joke, thanks bro!

[MikeHooper]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Haha so funny picture!! Thanks bro

[Hurricane88]

Teacher asks her students to name medicines they know and state their uses.
Little Susan stands and says, "PANADOL"
Teacher: Used for?
Susan: I think headache
Teacher: Good
Musa: PIRITON
Teacher: used for?
Musa: Helps in sleeping..
Teacher: Excellent!!
Little Johnny (stands confidently): VIAGRA
Teacher (nearly falls off her chair, shocked): What for???
Johny: I think Diarrhea
Teacher: Who told you that?
Johnny: Everynight my mom tells Dad, "Take two VIAGRA Pills and maybe that little Shit will get harder tonight !
Teacher collapsed !!😂😂😂😂😂
DON'T KEEP THE JOKE FOR YOUR SELF...SHARE IT!!! 😜😜

[Hurricane88]

Nice joke

[dyelook]

bumps for nice jokes..

[xiongdijiemei]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Teacher asks her students to name medicines they know and state their uses.
Little Susan stands and says, "PANADOL"
Teacher: Used for?
Susan: I think headache
Teacher: Good
Musa: PIRITON
Teacher: used for?
Musa: Helps in sleeping..
Teacher: Excellent!!
Little Johnny (stands confidently): VIAGRA
Teacher (nearly falls off her chair, shocked): What for???
Johny: I think Diarrhea
Teacher: Who told you that?
Johnny: Everynight my mom tells Dad, "Take two VIAGRA Pills and maybe that little Shit will get harder tonight !
Teacher collapsed !!😂😂😂😂😂
DON'T KEEP THE JOKE FOR YOUR SELF...SHARE IT!!! 😜😜

Haha good one bro

[kirkby]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Nice joke

Simple nice joke!

Thank you for posting.

[cockareel]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Nice joke

Very good joke!

Thanks for sharing.

[Koh89]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Teacher asks her students to name medicines they know and state their uses.
Little Susan stands and says, "PANADOL"
Teacher: Used for?
Susan: I think headache
Teacher: Good
Musa: PIRITON
Teacher: used for?
Musa: Helps in sleeping..
Teacher: Excellent!!
Little Johnny (stands confidently): VIAGRA
Teacher (nearly falls off her chair, shocked): What for???
Johny: I think Diarrhea
Teacher: Who told you that?
Johnny: Everynight my mom tells Dad, "Take two VIAGRA Pills and maybe that little Shit will get harder tonight !
Teacher collapsed !!😂😂😂😂😂
DON'T KEEP THE JOKE FOR YOUR SELF...SHARE IT!!! 😜😜

Nice share bro

[ah rat]

_______________

[Informer]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Teacher asks her students to name medicines they know and state their uses.
Little Susan stands and says, "PANADOL"
Teacher: Used for?
Susan: I think headache
Teacher: Good
Musa: PIRITON
Teacher: used for?
Musa: Helps in sleeping..
Teacher: Excellent!!
Little Johnny (stands confidently): VIAGRA
Teacher (nearly falls off her chair, shocked): What for???
Johny: I think Diarrhea
Teacher: Who told you that?
Johnny: Everynight my mom tells Dad, "Take two VIAGRA Pills and maybe that little Shit will get harder tonight !
Teacher collapsed !!😂😂😂😂😂
DON'T KEEP THE JOKE FOR YOUR SELF...SHARE IT!!! 😜😜

this is very funny, good share bro.

[Hurricane88]

SEX AFTER DEATH

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact:

" Marion .... Marion "

"Is that you, Bob?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much-needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again."

"Oh, Bob! Are you in Heaven?"

"No -- I'm a rabbit somewhere in South Carolina .”

[bigbirdbird]

A Man’s Poem





As I lay me down to sleep
I pray for a woman who's very cheap.

One who's sexy, blonde and long.
Who notices that she's mostly wrong.

One who sucks and doesn't speak.
And promises to do so at least once a week.

I pray that she is very randy,
'cause one like that would come in pretty handy.

Opens her legs and lies on the floor,
and once I'm done, she wants no more.

Oh, send me a woman who will
not play with my mind.

Who knows what she wants and
that's a LOT from behind!

One who'll screw till my body's a twitchin',
and brings me a beer when she comes from the kitchen!

I pray that she'll last right up to the end,
And would never complain when I do her best friend.

Thanks in advance and you know I can't wait,
so I'll screw all the rest 'cause it's never too late.