Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Informer]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

More laughter best medicine...

great share bro, thanks.

[JonHope]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

My friend Felix is still out there job hunting.

He says he always has a problem when filling out the job application and gets to the part about 'Sex: F or M.'

He says he never knows which to choose --
He says he really likes to Fuck, but he spends most of the time alone Masterbating.

Hahaha this is funny bro

[bigbirdbird]

This is brilliant & hilarious... Cudn't resist the temptation of forwarding...

RECIPE:

HOW TO MAKE LOVE CAKE

Ingredients:

4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 soft, warm mixing bowl
1 Firm banana

Directions:

1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well
creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts,
leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat
steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.

Notes:

1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully
after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town !! Happy Baking.

[bigbirdbird]

WHAT RELIGION IS YOUR BRA?

A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked up to
the woman behind the counter and said,
'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. '
' What type of bra?' asked the clerk.

'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'
' Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.'

Relieved, the man asked about the types.

The saleslady replied:
'There are the Catholic, Salvation Army, Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.
Which one would you prefer?'

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, 'It is all really quite simple.'

The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.

Oh and

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD , E, F, G, and H are the letters used
to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

{A} Almost Boobs.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!

Send this to all that will appreciate it!

oh They forgot the German bra.

Holtzemfromfloppen!!

[otamay]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

This is brilliant & hilarious... Cudn't resist the temptation of forwarding...

RECIPE:

HOW TO MAKE LOVE CAKE

Ingredients:

4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 soft, warm mixing bowl
1 Firm banana

Directions:

1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well
creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts,
leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat
steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.

Notes:

1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully
after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town !! Happy Baking.

This is a very well described reference recipe.

[dyelook]

nice jokes...

[camorant]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

More laughter best medicine...

Well done bro.
Hope can read more jokes.

[ottawa]

Thanks bro bigbigbird - hope to read more jokes.

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

This is brilliant & hilarious... Cudn't resist the temptation of forwarding...

RECIPE:

HOW TO MAKE LOVE CAKE

Ingredients:

4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 soft, warm mixing bowl
1 Firm banana

Directions:

1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well
creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts,
leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat
steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.

Notes:

1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully
after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town !! Happy Baking.

[leonlailailai]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

This is brilliant & hilarious... Cudn't resist the temptation of forwarding...

RECIPE:

HOW TO MAKE LOVE CAKE

Ingredients:

4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 soft, warm mixing bowl
1 Firm banana

Directions:

1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well
creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts,
leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat
steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.

Notes:

1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully
after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town !! Happy Baking.

Thanks for a very good recipe bro bigbirdbird, nice share!

[goof8gang]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Just for good laugh...

Nice jokes bro, do share more

[SingAir]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

3 men in a prison........ A rapist, a psycho nd a gay.

Rapist: If i find a cat here, i’ll fuck it till it dies.....

Psycho: And once its dead, i’ll fuck it till i die....

Gay, standing in d corner softly says:
.
.
.
.

.
.
Meoowww....🤯🤗😬

Nice joke bro, thanks!

[Hurricane88]

Monday good laughter...

[bigbirdbird]

I was walking in the park one bright sunny Sunday afternoon, when I noticed a cute little girl out walking her dog. As she approached me on the path, she looked about 9 years old, all dressed up in her Sunday best, and her freshly scrubbed face, just gleaming with cutesiness. Tugging on her leash was a well groomed, but somewhat chubby, terrier.

As we met on the path, I greeted her, "Hi there, my, aren't you pretty today and what a fine looking dog you have."

"Thank you, sir" she said, "And what a nice day this is isn't it?"

"Yes it is" I answered, "My, what a polite little girl you are, and what a pretty dress you're wearing."

"Oh, thank you, sir. My mother taught me to always be polite and she made this dress for me, isn't it pretty?" she said with a beaming smile.

"Yes, very pretty" I answered, "By the way, what's your dog's name?"

"Oh, sir, my dog's name is 'Porky', isn't that cute?"

"Well, it certainly is an unusual name for a dog. Why do you call him 'Porky', because he's a little fat?"

"Oh, no!" she replied with a smile, "It's because he fucks pigs!"

[bigbirdbird]

I became fully aware last night that I've been spending entirely too much time with my computer. The first clue was when I noticed that my right hand is now permanently cramped into the famous "Microsoft Mouse" position.

The second hint was a little more tragic. As I lay in bed last night looking at my wife, thinking how nice it would be to have sex with her,I rested my hand upon her breast and gently cupped it (having no choice, since my right hand is now permanently cramped).

I heard a soft moan, but moments later she relegated me back to my side of the bed.

Alas, I had double-clicked her nipple

*********

"I bought a racehorse today."

"Oh, really? What is the horse's name, gender, timing, and whatare you going to do with him??

"I've decided to call him 'My Face.' He is male, runs a mile injust under a minute. I don't care if he doesn't win a race or if he makes me any money."

"Then why'nthehell did ya buy him??

I just want to hear thousands of those uppity posh bitches at the race course shouting: 'Come on, My Face!'

GOD I'd love to hear that!"

[bigbirdbird]

How to Make Love Like a Man

1. While flipping through channels, catch a glimpse of men's underwear ad. Feel instant and overwhelming desire for sex.

2. Find partner. Begin undressing self and partner.

3. Wait a minute: What's going on? Partner is kissing you not on nipples but on lips. Guiding your hand away from lower regions and toward shoulder. Oh, right, now you remember. Foreplay.

4. Kiss and touch, kiss and touch. This is making you feel incredibly hot, while it seems your partner is still just warming up to room temperature.

5. Attempt to find "magic button" that will make your partner as turned on as you are. After much groping, finally think you locate it. Rub it. Rub it hard. Stop only when you notice partner's attention has drifted back to TV.

6. Offer to give oral sex, your third most favorite sexual activity. There is a chance that this may lead to receiving oral sex, your first most favorite sexual activity.

7. Spend 23 minutes on the giving end. When your partner finally seems enthusiastic enough to want to reciprocate, find that you're forced to stop after two minutes for fear of the entire encounter ending right there.

8. Almost "forget" birth control.

9. Now it's time for your second most favorite sexual activity. Okay, it's in. Thirty seconds later, attempt to train your mind on the anti-orgasmic image of the boy who peed on the school bus in third grade. Then, despite your best efforts, your mind returns to Matt Damon, and the school bus turns into a huge, rocking iron bed.

10. Your partner seems excited now. Very excited. Is partner having an orgasm? You can't quite tell. But who really cares, at least at the moment. Your body is being tossed skyward as if by a volcano and that howl of joy just might be coming from your own mouth.

11. Check surroundings. Yes, good, you're still in the same room.

12. Grasp partner's hand and say how great the sex was.