Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[callawaypro]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Picture laughter...

Haha. Very funny indeed.
Thank you so much.
Hope to read more nice jokes

[denton]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

_David Beckham gets into a taxi at Dublin airport. He sees the driver looking at him for about 15 seconds in the rear view mirror._

Eventually the driver says *“Ok, give me a clue then.”*

Beckham sighs and replies, *“Well, I had a glittering career for Man United, married a Spice Girl and played over 100 times for England. Is that enough?”*

Driver says, *“No! You moron, where are you going!?”*

Bro hurri, thank you so much for lovely jokes.

[keppelelectric]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Picture laughter...

Thanks bro for nice joke.

Hope can read more.

[Corangidae]

Originally Posted by StrongBrew

145. A man checks into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought, "I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab."� He popped into a phone booth near the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. He copied the phone number and returned to his hotel. When back in the room he figures, "What the heck, I'll give her a call." "Hello," the woman says. She sounded sexy. "Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks... We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?" She says, "That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

So funny hehehe. Thx very much. Please share more.

[fanxiaoxia]

Originally Posted by StrongBrew

A professor travels to Africa to live with a primitive tribe and spends years with them, teaching them all about the wonders of science and mathematics.
He makes friends with the tribe's chief and his wife and they all live happily for some time.
One day the chief's wife gives birth to a white child.
The word spreads and the entire tribe is in shock.

The chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look, you are the only white man we've ever seen around here, and my wife gave birth to a white child.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"

The professor replied, "No, chief, you're mistaken.
What we have here is a natural occurrence what we in the civilized world call an albino!
Look at that field over there.
All the sheep are white except for one black one.
Nature does this on occasion."

The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what.
You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about the white kid."

Bro Strong, thanks a lot for sharing good jokes.

[bosseenee]

Originally Posted by StrongBrew

When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn’t let him in until he proved his identity.
Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise.

And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, “How do I know you’re Picasso?”
Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces.
St. Peter was convinced and let him in.

When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates.
“How can you prove to me you’re George W. Bush?” Saint Peter said.
Bush replied, “Well heck, I don’t know.”
St. Peter says, “Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove you’re George W. Bush?”
Bush replies, “Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?”
St. Peter says, “It must be you, George, c’mon on in.”

Thank you bro for sharing good joke, wish to read more.

[minzxk]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Picture laughter...

Wahahaha great share bro

[VRossi1980]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

nice share bro.

[ilovepantyhose]

stationery store moves

[StrongBrew]

130. A priest is walking through town at his new parish when a hooker approaches him. "Blowjobs for $20 if you're interested". Confused by this he smiles, blesses her and goes back to the church. He sees one of the nuns and asks her, "Sister, what's a blowjob?" She replies, "$20. Same as in town".

[StrongBrew]

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner. "Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile." The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?" "Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning." "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector. "Thought he was having his picture taken.

[StrongBrew]

During a war, a warrior shouted against 3 ladies
Warrior: I am going to rape you all.
Younger lady: But please leave our grand mother. She's 73 years old.
Grand mother: Shut up, war is war.

[StrongBrew]

A guy and a girl are lying in a room after just having sex.
The girl lays on her side of the bed and rests.
The guy goes to his side of the bed and says to himself, "Man, oh Man I finally did it! I'm no longer a virgin."
The girl overhears him talking to himself and asks, "Are you saying you lost your virginity to me?"
"Well," the guy explains, "I always wanted to wait until I was with the woman I love to lose my virginity."
Astounded, the girl replies,"So you really love me?"
"Oh God no!", the guy says."I just got sick of waiting."

[StrongBrew]

159. A frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! "Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks. "No," says the psychic, "in a biology class."

[StrongBrew]

A man sits on a bus looking ashamed.
The man next to him notices and asks what is wrong.
He says that when he went to buy the bus ticket, the woman serving him had the most unbelievable breasts, so he got flustered and asked for two tickets to Tittsburgh instead of Pittsburgh.
The man next to him laughs, "Don't worry about that. We all make Freudian slips. This morning I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say, 'Pass the salt,' but I accidently said, 'You fucking bitch, you ruined my life.'"