Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[bigbirdbird]

[bigbirdbird]

[LowIndex]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Nice hairstyle haha

[OriginalDivock]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Irish blonde...

An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand
dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down,
rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed.

"Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,..... but all men...are men!

LMAO damn funny blonde joke!!

[Hurricane88]

BIOLOGY EXAM:

This is straight from Scotland. Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk'.

The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.

However, he wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck.

Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.

He got an A+.

[otamay]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

BIOLOGY EXAM:

This is straight from Scotland. Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk'.

The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.

However, he wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck.

Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.

He got an A+.

Nice joke here, I love the 7th point. Thanks much.

[OriginalDivock]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

BIOLOGY EXAM:

This is straight from Scotland. Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk'.

The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.

However, he wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck.

Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.

He got an A+.

Well deserved A+ hehe

[Hurricane88]

picture laughter...

[oceancrest]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

This is funny, thanks bro

[Hurricane88]

Another nice joke...

[bigbirdbird]

Grammar





Sentence Structure, so very important

Business was terrible and not picking up. I had to fire somebody, and I narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers.

Rather than flip a coin, I decided I would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.

I approached her and said, "Debra, I’ve never done this before but I have to either lay you or Jack off.”

"Could you jack off for now?" she says. "I feel like shit. If you can wait, I'll do you at lunchtime."

I had to let Jack go.

Bosses have to make the tough decisions!!

[bigbirdbird]

Just Out Walkin'



A man and his son are walkin' down the street, when they see a big dog doin' the dirty with a small poodle. The son asks the father, "Daddy, what are they doing?"

The man stumbles for a while, then calmly says, "Why, they're making a puppy, son."

Later that evening after dinner, the wife is pressuring the man to go 'upstairs' with her... so they do. The son goes in his room and tries to fall asleep, but there just is too much noise going on in the room next door. So he creeps out of bed, goes in the hallway and opens the other room. There he sees his mom laying on the bed on her back, totally naked, and his father above her, hands on her boobs, doing push-ups, etc. etc.

So the son asks, "Daddy, what are you doin'?"

Again, the man stumbles a little and says, "Why, we're makin' you a little brother or sister, son."

So the boy goes, "Well, turn her over, dad! I want a puppy!"

[bigbirdbird]

Abe went to a brothel and told the madam,

"I want a girl with big boobs and a small box."

"Why?" she asked him.

"Never mind!" replied Abe. "I`m paying for it. I want a girl with big tits and a small box!"

"No problem," said the madam. "Go straight up the stairs to room 23."

A few minutes later there was a knock on the door, and a young woman walked in.

"Okay," she said, "are you the guy with the big mouth and the small pecker?"

[bigbirdbird]

Telling the Truth





A fellow passed a house with a little red light burning in front, so he stepped inside. There was nothing in sight and nothing there but an empty bare hallway, with two doors reading, "Over 35" and "Under 35."

He decided to be truthful and entered the door that said, "Over 35."



He found himself in another empty hallway, this one with two doors that read, "Over 8 inches" and "Under 8 inches."

Truthful again, he went through the "Under 8 inches" door and found himself in another empty hall, with two more doors reading, "Once a night" and "Over 4 times a night."

Still wanting to be truthful, he entered the door marked "Once a night" and found himself back out on the street.

The moral of this story is: "Always tell the truth and you'll never get screwed."

[KhmerSpy]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Grammar





Sentence Structure, so very important

Business was terrible and not picking up. I had to fire somebody, and I narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers.

Rather than flip a coin, I decided I would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.

I approached her and said, "Debra, I’ve never done this before but I have to either lay you or Jack off.”

"Could you jack off for now?" she says. "I feel like shit. If you can wait, I'll do you at lunchtime."

I had to let Jack go.

Bosses have to make the tough decisions!!

Nice one bro, thanks