Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Vermont]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

A revisit...(you thought you got the answer)...😅

Chintu failed in the final Law Exam & decided to make a deal with the Professor.

Chintu: Sir, Can I ask you one question?

Professor: Yes.

Chintu: If you can answer this question, I will accept my final marks, if you cant, you will have to give me an "A" grading.

Professor agreed.
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Chintu asked: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal & neither legal nor logical?"

Prof thought about it for hrs & pondered but couldnt think of an answer.

He had to finally give up as he really didnot know the answer.

He gave this boy an "A" grading as promised.

The following day, Professor asked same question to his students.

He was shocked when all of them raised their hands.

He asked one student.

He answered:

Sir, you are 65, married to a 28 yrs old woman, this is legal but not logical.

Your wife, is having an affair with a 23 year old boy, this is logical but not legal.

Your wife's boyfriend has failed in his exam & yet you have given him an "A", this is neither logical nor legal. 😎

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Professor fainted..... 😆😝😆😝

Very good reasoning!

[RustBelt]

Originally Posted by Vermont

Very good reasoning!

And good amount of humour too

[bigbirdbird]

Fixin’ a Button



Angus Broon [of Glasgow, Scotland] comes to the little lady of the house exclaiming, "Maggie, cud ye be sewin on a wee button that's come off of ma fly? I canna button ma troosers."

"Och, Angus, I've got ma hands in the sink, go up the stairs and see if Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ye with it."

About 5 minutes later, there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yelling, and the sound of a body falling down the stairs. Walking back in the door with a black eye and a bloody nose comes Angus.

Maggie looks at him and says, "My god, Angus, what happened tae ye? Did you ask her up the stairs like I told you?"

"Aye," says Angus. "I asked her to sew on the wee button, an’ she did. Everything was goin' fine, but when she bent doon to bite off the wee thread, Mr. MacDonald walked in."

[bigbirdbird]

The Pope is Ill

The Pope had become very ill, and was taken to many doctors, none of whom could figure out how to cure him.

Finally, he was brought to an old physician, who stated that he could figure it out. After about an hour's examination he came out and told the cardinals that he knew what was wrong. He said that the bad news was that it was a rare disorder of the testicles. He said that the good news was that all the Pope had to do to be cured was to have sex.

Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length. Finally, they went to the Pope with the doctor and explained the situation.

After some thought, the Pope stated, "I agree, but under four conditions."

The cardinals were amazed and there arose quite an uproar. Over all of the noise there arose a single voice that asked, "And what are the four conditions?"

The room stilled. There was a long pause.

The Pope replied, "First the girl must be blind, so that she cannot see with whom she is having sex. Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear with whom she is having sex. And third, she must be mute so that if somehow she figures out with who she is having sex, she can tell no one."

After another long pause a voice arose and asked, "And the fourth condition?"

The Pope smiled and replied, "Big tits."

[bigbirdbird]

Drunken Wives


Two women go out one Saturday night without their husbands.

As they come back, right before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt nature calling.

They noticed that the only place to stop was a cemetery.

Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway.

The first one did not have anything to pat herself dry with, so she took off her panties, used them and discarded them.

The second woman, not finding anything either, thought, "I'm not getting rid of my panties..." so she used the ribbon from a nearby flower wreath to do the same.

The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other: "We have to be on the lookout. It seems that these two were up to no good last night. My wife came home without her panties..."

The other one responded, "You're lucky! Mine came home with a card stuck to her butt that read: "We will never forget you!"

[bigbirdbird]

Singular and Plural


A third grade school teacher was trying to explain to her class the difference between singular and plural. She said, "What do you call it if one woman looks out a window?"

Charlotte said, "Singular."

The teacher said, "That's right Charlotte. Now, what do you call it if three women are looking out of a window?"

Little Johnny raised his hand and blurted out, "That is either a nunnery or a whorehouse."

[bigbirdbird]

First Date

I took a very classy and absolutely gorgeous lady on our first date the other evening. We had dinner at a very nice restaurant and went to a stage show afterwards. We were getting along fabulously, and as the time came to part, I drove her to her house and walked her to her front door.

Being a gentleman, I thanked her for her company, saying she was so beautiful she reminded me of a wild rambling rose. She thanked me for the compliment and we parted, but not before we arranged to see each other the following evening.

I arrived at her house the next evening as arranged, walked to and knocked on her front door.

She came to the door, opened it and punched me right in the mouth.

Somewhat surprised as one would expect, I asked her what had caused her to do that?

She replied, "After you dropped me home last night, I was very flattered by the compliment you gave me and looked up wild rambling rose in my encyclopedia. It said that they did not perform well in bed but when tied to a fence or wall, rooted very well."

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[dossear]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

The Pope is Ill

The Pope had become very ill, and was taken to many doctors, none of whom could figure out how to cure him.

Finally, he was brought to an old physician, who stated that he could figure it out. After about an hour's examination he came out and told the cardinals that he knew what was wrong. He said that the bad news was that it was a rare disorder of the testicles. He said that the good news was that all the Pope had to do to be cured was to have sex.

Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length. Finally, they went to the Pope with the doctor and explained the situation.

After some thought, the Pope stated, "I agree, but under four conditions."

The cardinals were amazed and there arose quite an uproar. Over all of the noise there arose a single voice that asked, "And what are the four conditions?"

The room stilled. There was a long pause.

The Pope replied, "First the girl must be blind, so that she cannot see with whom she is having sex. Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear with whom she is having sex. And third, she must be mute so that if somehow she figures out with who she is having sex, she can tell no one."

After another long pause a voice arose and asked, "And the fourth condition?"

The Pope smiled and replied, "Big tits."

Haha naughty Pope

[StrongBrew]

An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.

First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.".

The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore. I just prefer to suck the chocolate around them."

[StrongBrew]

Harry prays to God: Dear Lord, please make me win the lottery.

The next day Harry begs the Lord again: Please make it so I win the lottery, Lord!

The next day, Harry again prays: Please, please, dear Lord, make me win the lottery!

Suddenly he hears a voice from above: Harry, would you kindly go and buy a lottery ticket.

[StrongBrew]

A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”

The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know the woman!”

[StrongBrew]

A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?”
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Lawyer says: “1000 US dollars for 3 questions.”
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Man: “Wow - so much! Isn’t it a bit expensive?”
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Lawyer: “Yes, what is your third question

[StrongBrew]

A mom shark is teaching her son how to hunt swimmers properly.
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“So, first you go and circle them making sure your fin is showing. And then you go at them full blast and eat them.”

“OK, but why don’t I just go at them full blast and eat them right away?”

“I guess you could, son, but would you really want to eat them with all that shit in their intestines?”

[RoyalMonty]

Originally Posted by StrongBrew

Harry prays to God: Dear Lord, please make me win the lottery.

The next day Harry begs the Lord again: Please make it so I win the lottery, Lord!

The next day, Harry again prays: Please, please, dear Lord, make me win the lottery!

Suddenly he hears a voice from above: Harry, would you kindly go and buy a lottery ticket.

Nice share bro, thanks!