Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[MarkClatterberg]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

The car also comes with a satellite-traceable device called “Kia Bo” to allow owners to track down their cars if it ever goes missing

#fakenews

Very good fake new, thanks bro

[girlassassin]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Where is this place?

[Hurricane88]

*The Difference - Crazy vs Stupid.*

A truck driver was doing his usual delivery to a Mental Hospital.
Just as he was about to leave, he discovered he had a flat tyre. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.
When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.
Try as he might, he couldn't fish the bolts out. He was at his wits' end.
Just then one of the patients happened to walk by and asked the driver what happened.
The driver thought what the heck, there was nothing much he could do. So he explained what happened to the patient.
The patient laughed at him and said, "You can't even fix such a simple problem... No wonder you are a truck driver....
Here's what you do. Take one bolt from each of the other three tyres and fix them on this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and get the missing ones replaced. Easy as that."
The driver was stunned. He turned to the patient and asked, "So if you're this smart, then why are you here at the Mental Hospital?"
The patient replied: "Hello...I am here because I'm CRAZY. Not because I'm STUPID!"
👌🏼👌🏼😜😜😂

[linebacker]

So many nice jokes here. Thank you.

[iceball]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

*The Difference - Crazy vs Stupid.*

A truck driver was doing his usual delivery to a Mental Hospital.
Just as he was about to leave, he discovered he had a flat tyre. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.
When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.
Try as he might, he couldn't fish the bolts out. He was at his wits' end.
Just then one of the patients happened to walk by and asked the driver what happened.
The driver thought what the heck, there was nothing much he could do. So he explained what happened to the patient.
The patient laughed at him and said, "You can't even fix such a simple problem... No wonder you are a truck driver....
Here's what you do. Take one bolt from each of the other three tyres and fix them on this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and get the missing ones replaced. Easy as that."
The driver was stunned. He turned to the patient and asked, "So if you're this smart, then why are you here at the Mental Hospital?"
The patient replied: "Hello...I am here because I'm CRAZY. Not because I'm STUPID!"
👌🏼👌🏼😜😜😂

Thanks for sharing

[Hansen6]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

The patient replied: "Hello...I am here because I'm CRAZY. Not because I'm STUPID!"
👌🏼👌🏼😜😜😂

Very good joke, thanks

[touresty]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

*The Difference - Crazy vs Stupid.*


The driver was stunned. He turned to the patient and asked, "So if you're this smart, then why are you here at the Mental Hospital?"
The patient replied: "Hello...I am here because I'm CRAZY. Not because I'm STUPID!"
👌🏼👌🏼😜😜😂

Maybe pretend to be crazy

[NottyMonkey]

Originally Posted by touresty

Maybe pretend to be crazy

yes. especially after serious accident.

[warbird]

The Three Dogs

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian's.

One of the dogs was hanging its head and sighing.

The second dog turned to him and asked: "What are you in here for, buddy?"

The dog looked depressed, "I'm in big trouble", he said,

"My owner has a really nice sports car with leather seats. I just love to go for rides in it. Well, the other day, he took me for a ride and I was so excited, I peed on the nice leather seat. Now he's having me put to sleep."

"I know how you feel", said the second dog. "My owners have a beautiful, expensive oriental rug. The other day they were late getting home from work and I just couldn't help myself...I shit all over their nice carpet and ruined it. They're having me put to sleep, too."

Both dogs turned to the third dog in the waiting room. "So, what are you here for?" they asked. "Well," said the third dog, "my owner likes to do her housework in the nude. The other day, she was vacuuming and she knelt down to vacuum under the sofa, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and had the ride of my life!"

The other dogs nodded in sympathy, "So she's having you put to sleep too, huh?"

"No," said the dog, "I'm here having my nails clipped."

[macpahur]

Originally Posted by warbird

Both dogs turned to the third dog in the waiting room. "So, what are you here for?" they asked. "Well," said the third dog, "my owner likes to do her housework in the nude. The other day, she was vacuuming and she knelt down to vacuum under the sofa, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and had the ride of my life!"

The other dogs nodded in sympathy, "So she's having you put to sleep too, huh?"

"No," said the dog, "I'm here having my nails clipped."

Owner must be a horny bitch

[dyelook]

laughter bumps....

[StrongBrew]

Man gives blood too save his wifes life.
Few months later they are divorced.
Husband says too wife, "I want my blood back you BITCH!"
Wife throws the tampon at him and says, "I will pay you back monthly you BASTARD."

[otamay]

Originally Posted by StrongBrew

Man gives blood too save his wifes life.
Few months later they are divorced.
Husband says too wife, "I want my blood back you BITCH!"
Wife throws the tampon at him and says, "I will pay you back monthly you BASTARD."

Haha, certain things cannot be too calculating.

[ussr088]

Originally Posted by StrongBrew

Man gives blood too save his wifes life.
Few months later they are divorced.
Husband says too wife, "I want my blood back you BITCH!"
Wife throws the tampon at him and says, "I will pay you back monthly you BASTARD."

Damn funny and hope to read more.

[geographic]

Hope can read more nice jokes.