Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[benghee]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Its my pleasure!

[Hurricane88]

*This is hillarious..*

*Ordering a Pizza in 2021*

CALLER:
Is this Pizza Delight?

GOOGLE:
No sir, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER:
I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.

GOOGLE:
No sir, Google bought Pizza Delight last month.

CALLER:
OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE:
Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER:
My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER:
OK! That’s what I want ...

GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER:
What? I detest vegetable!

GOOGLE:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER:
How the hell do you know!

GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE:
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.

CALLER:
I bought more from another drugstore.

GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER:
I paid in cash.

GOOGLE:
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER:
I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.

CALLER:
WHAT THE HELL!

GOOGLE:
I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER:
Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE:
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...
Too good 😂😂😂

[SBMEDSUP]

Order pizza now

[Hurricane88]

[hornyafare]

Originally Posted by SBMEDSUP

Order pizza now

Nowadays the calls are manned by nehs, difficult to understand them

[SBMEDSUP]

After vaccination lidat look. yucks.

more jokes pls.

[bigpudding]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

A certain wife of a minister might look like this too after vaccination

[Icetroll]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Only if he understands that phrase haha

[malaysiapig]

[Westernbonk]

Originally Posted by malaysiapig

Good one LOL !!

[matrx23]

Originally Posted by malaysiapig

This is funny.

[Hurricane88]

MALAYSIAN IDIOT SIGHTINGS

IDIOT SIGHTING 1:

I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a RM5 note.
Our total was RM4.25, so I also handed her 25sen.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25sen, and said 'We're sorry but we don't do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 sen in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD's in Bangsar. 🍟🍟🍟🍔🍔🍔

IDIOT SIGHTING 2:

We had to have the garage door repaired. The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said,
'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used that repairman since.
🚍🚍🚍
Happened in PJ. 🥳🥳🥳

IDIOT SIGHTING 3:

I live in a semi rural area.

We recently had a new neighbour call the local council to request the removal of the CHILDREN CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many kids are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

School in Trengganu. 🚓🚓🚓


IDIOT SIGHTING 4:

My daughter went to a takeaway and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

From Malacca ......🌮🌮🌮

IDIOT SIGHTING 5:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

This happened at KLIA ✈️✈️✈️

IDIOT SIGHTING 6:

The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She is a government employee 😎😎😎

IDIOT SIGHTING 7:
When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working
feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'

Perodua Dealership , Kulai 😅😂🤣

STAY ALERT! ............................. They walk amongst us...! ☠️☠️☠️

[Hurricane88]

[Kez42Mfw793Re4K]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Hahaha, this one is nice one.

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...