Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[buaitahan]

Originally Posted by ah rat

_____________

I don't think will have free pizza, more likely a GST increase

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

[ogawana]

Great thread, thanks bros! Happy new year to everyone

[Masterl23]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

I love this, thanks for sharing.

[greatshield]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Santa also must go through PCR test then can go in house

[SkyIsMighty]

Nice jokes and hope to read more.

[Hurricane88]

A poem by Khuswant Singh at 92!

The horse and the mule live for 30 years,
And know nothing of wines and beers;

The goat and sheep at 20 die,
And never get a taste of Scotch and rye.

The cow drinks water by the tonne,
And at 18 is mostly done,
Without the aid of gin and rum.

The cat in milk and water soaks,
And then in 12 short years it croaks.

The modest, sober, bone-dry hen,
Lays eggs for others, then dies at 10.

All animals are strictly dry,
They sinless live and swiftly die.

But sinful, ginful, rum-soaked men,
Survive for three score years and ten,

And some of them, though very few,
Stay pickled till they’re 92!

So, never shed a tear,
drink a beer...🍺🍺
Celebrate the past,
toast the future 🥂
and

*Have a Rocking Happy New Year !!!*
🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾

[Hurricane88]

*The Glasgow Brothel*

The madam opened the brothel door in Glasgow and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties.

“May I help you sir?”
she asked.

“I want to see Valerie,”
the man replied.

“Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else”, said the madam.

“No, I must see Valerie,” he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charges £5000 a visit.

Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.

Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, as she was so expensive.
There were no discounts. The price was still £5000.

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.

After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again.

Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, the man asked Valerie to sign a receipt that she had received £15000.

She was astonished nevertheless signed on the receipt and said to the man, “No one has ever been with me three nights in a row and for sure this is the first time anyone has asked me to sign a receipt.

Where are you from?”

The man replied, “Edinburgh.”

“Really”, she said. “I have family in Edinburgh .”

“I know.” the man said.

“Your sister died, and I’m her solicitor.

I was instructed to deliver you £15,000 inheritance in person.”

Two things in life are certain:

1. Death

2. *Being screwed by a lawyer..*

😓 💦 🤣 🤣🚶🏿‍♂️

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[RainTreeTears]

Originally Posted by dyelook

laughter bumps...

Return up bro, tks

[Hurricane88]

Louis had been in business for 25 years. Finally sick of thestress, he sells his company and buys 50 acres of land in the Yukon as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
"Name's Stan, your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00."
"Great", says Louis "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
As Stan is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you. Be some drinkin!"
"Not a problem" says Louis. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely goin’ to be some fightin’ too”
Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right and, if not, I can handle myself pretty well .....I'll be there. Thanks again."
"More'n likely be some wild sex, too,"
"Now that's really not a problem" says Louis, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

"Don't much matter........................... just gonna be the two of us."

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[SibueyJiaLat]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Louis had been in business for 25 years. Finally sick of thestress, he sells his company and buys 50 acres of land in the Yukon as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
"Name's Stan, your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00."
"Great", says Louis "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
As Stan is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you. Be some drinkin!"
"Not a problem" says Louis. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely goin’ to be some fightin’ too”
Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right and, if not, I can handle myself pretty well .....I'll be there. Thanks again."
"More'n likely be some wild sex, too,"
"Now that's really not a problem" says Louis, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

"Don't much matter........................... just gonna be the two of us."

Nice joke buddy.

[Hurricane88]

I'm not amazed of the natural viagra but is more puzzled that he did almost 50 times a week to the SAME woman


Wish to make a toast — here’s to good health & safe families ! 🍺