Happily Married with an ex WL(VN)

[Vincent4499]

Hi Bros, thank for sharing your experience.

Thru thick and thin, you have to remember the bad times together and what
you are today. That is more important.

Wish you the best and happily together.

Cheers

[Darkstorm]

Originally Posted by casannova03

...Continued



My View:




Try to understand why they are thinking in certain ways in some situations. Could it be due to the above-mentioned reason? If yes, you have to approach it with tact and patience. Having a humorous nature helps...

suggestions in the next installment......

Thanks for sharing!

[casannova03]

03-12-2008 08:32 AM

If you are so smart, you wouldn't marry a foreign whore & bring a liability to Sg society. Talk big theory only !! I look down on you

Thanks this bro for your comment!

anyway,I dun need you to see me up in order to have a successful and great family life!!

I see you're no where near smart by thinking only ah pek's with little education marry Ex-WL....you just came out from some caves in Timbaktu???

You're not so great yourself by coming into this forum to look down on ppl who are discussing about the sex industry ,are you??

Also i see you've got something against foreign Wl? what about local Wl? are'nt they a liability as well by collecting money for sex and not declaring and thus not contributing to the local GDP??

At least those foreign ex-Wl who settle down and find decent work and pay taxes contribute to the country!!! They pay the Foreign bangledesh rubbish man that are cleaning up after your backside every morning!! Got it ??

And not leaving your name after zapping??? well, you qualify to read my signature!!!

have a nice day!! Mr Xenophobia!!

P.S : i thought i'll just do you a little favour by checking out the word Xenophobia in case, just in case.....you're not that smart!!

Main Entry: xe·no·pho·bia
Pronunciation: \ˌze-nə-ˈfō-bē-ə, ˌzē-\
Function: noun
Etymology: New Latin
Date: 1903
: fear and hatred of strangers or foreigners or of anything that is strange or foreign

[Torres_Mok]

Originally Posted by casannova03

[B][I]03-12-2008 08:32 AM

[/COLOR]

Toi hanh han duoc gap a.

[besafe]

Quote: Now i understand why some bros with stories and/or experiences to share often feel that its a waste of time - because there will be jokers out here who are ever ready to shoot you down with their senseless insults and destructive comments..

Brother.
I fully agree with what you say.
Take care and all the best in everything you do.
Best regards

[darkangel]

You probably need to clarify on your sex life also.

You mentioned that your wife cannot go upstairs with customers.

What about having sex with you?

How did you all cope without sex to begin with? How to have a lasting relationship without sex?

[friendster]

Brother, I like to hear more of the real life experience and may u and your wife the best, quite touching as true love btw 2 people from 2 different cultures met.

Sometimes, perhaps its called "DESTINY" or "YUAN FEN"


Hope to up u but no power

[casannova03]

Thanks for all the interests and comments!

Bro Darkangel, for your request, i will include a small section on that somewhere ok..

[casannova03]

Originally Posted by Torres_Mok

Toi hanh han duoc gap a.

Troi oi, ko noi nhu vay. Anh cho em qua lúng túng nhe!!

Haha..

Khi nao em co ranh em keu anh di uong bia!

[saint82]

Hi TS

Great story..

i am going through what u are going through 5 years ago now..

All the feelings u have narrated is simply like taking words straight out of my mouth and heart..

she told me she dont like to see me at her work place so i actually waited for her at the roadside cafe till she finish work 4 or 5 nights a weeks (one sms on arrival and she will come look for me 2, 3 hours later with no communication in between)..

knn, my girl places me really low on the rank. family first, then friends last then me.. always try ways and means to make me send them home first before we go out together, if i refused, then she will pay their cab fare out of her own pocket.. then a few of her friends keep taking advantage of her by borrowing money from her..

really si bei taxing on normal life and work.. everyday not enough sleep and mother is not very happy that i always find excuses to go out at 12+ or simply reach home at 4+ mid night..

now she went back, life goes back to normal for the moment until she is back again..

thanks again for the great story..

[casannova03]

...Continued

Dealing with Challenges 1

I think the key to overcoming the 1st challenge is patience and tactfulness.

VN gals are well-known for the "mouth hard heart soft" character!
Disclaimer: my view is 90% of them are like that!

So i suggest:

1st, agree with them on their views. Then offer them another alternative and slowly inculcate the pros into them. It doesn't work all the time but for me it works most of the time. what i'll do is say:

"that is a great idea! and a good suggestion but i think there is this little problem..."then elaborate the problem you forsee....

then....

"Why not we do it this way?" elaborate your point of view

Then do a comparison of the pros and cons of both ideas and say:"well the final decison lies with you, cos i've already told you why this works and why that works!"

one thing, for my wife at least ,is she likes to make decisions so normally i will present the two ideas and let her make the decision la....i dunno about others but i guess a lot of times they like to talk loud loud but actually inside them they are quite lost.....so by inculcating your values and ideas in your explaination into them and asking them to make the decision, normally they will choose your idea....and they still can yaya a bit ....cos you dun make the decision for them and i think they quite like the idea that they are in control....

haha...sounds a bit gu-niang but it works for me most of the time for i see it not as weak or anything but just that on the surface you dun have any say but behind everything, actually you're pulling the strings...


This method can be used in a wide variety of situations....be it situations involving her family/friends, money, interests, ideas etc.


The whole idea is not to counter their "hard" way of handling issues with your insistence and one-sided persistence. It is to use the "soft" method on them. By talking to them nicely and making them "picture" possible outcomes....

You'll get nowhere by insisting and quarelling as a result....it might even move you back a few steps in the relationship.

Try to understand their concerns and their worry with regards to a certain issue before coming up with your own counter measure and your own opinion. I believe that 95% of them are very reasonable people....

Having a sense of humour like i mentioned earlier is even more conducive to handling tricky situations....ermmm this one hard to relate and to teach la...haha

Just do something that they will always laugh at when you do it. For me is looking straight in my wife's eyes and then give stupid smile...this normalyy gets her laughing no matter what the situation is....so you've gotta find out your own stunts! It'll help to defuse many potential fiery situations...

....next up: Challenges 2

Stay tuned.....

[casannova03]

Originally Posted by darkangel

You probably need to clarify on your sex life also.

You mentioned that your wife cannot go upstairs with customers.

What about having sex with you?

How did you all cope without sex to begin with? How to have a lasting relationship without sex?

Ok audience request! so bo bian share a bit... i was intending to leave out this whole part...

Sex Life

For those of you who have followed my story, you would have known that my wife had a problem back then and it actually was a blessing in disguise for me because she could not "go upstairs" with customers.

This also means that i was affected!

Anyway, it was not STDs or anything for the matter. To put it in layman's language, its a growth in the vagina that could potentially turn cancerous. All women have these viruses inside their vagina but most of the time, they will disappear on their own and die off. But for my wife, the virus actually found a place on the inner lining and start to grow. This will turn cancerous after some time if not dealt with. Which is why she went for a minor ops to remove the growth and had to abstain from sex for the next 3 months or until doctors clear her. Now you know why all women after puberty are advised to have yearly pap smears?? yes! its to check for the existence of these viruses and any such growth. Women problems too complex la....but you have to give it to gynaes la....haha you might think its so song everyday can see pussies and check breasts but to me i think it sucks man!! imagine seeing all these women problems and having to treat them....

Anyway, i digress....

So yes, i did not have sex with my wife during this period of time. Only the occasional kisses and hugs but nothing sexual....not even HJ or anything. If you ask me, i also dunno how i pass the 3 months sia....haha...cos remember guys, at that time i had a daily routine so finding FL was out of question cos i dun have the time..

Of course when all girls go work and i at home then occasionally got "zhi mo" and "hu" la....haha if not how to release?? Of course the materials used would be from SAMMYBOY FORUM la!!!

On hindsight, i also dunno how i did it. But i guess sometimes love for a person can do wonders. Maybe my concern for her condition actually overwhelms my sexual desires and thus it was no big issue to me then. I dunno if bros in here have the same type of feeling with their gals. Sometimes its not about sex but about the feeling you get when you hug and when you kiss kiss.....hard to explain but for those who have married and settle down you should know what i am talking about...

Actually at one point in time, my wife did ask me: " if i cannot make love with you, will you still love me? Can you wait for me?

haha...caught me by surprise because i really did not think it was an issue back then! Som-pa!! i just told her not to think too much and concentrate on recovering...Once recovered then say....

I feel that a relationship without sex and too much money involved is actually quite a good foundation with which to test your gal's intentions and vice-versa. Taking sex out of a relationship actually takes out a lot of ambiguity in the relationship...

Think about this......

for gal: is he with me for sex only? will he go once a nicer pussy comes along?


for guys: is she with me because i can pay for sex as and when she requests? so she always got hotline for quick money? Is she giving it to me free now so that later can one time claim back with "my family needs money" tricks?

So you see, a sexless relationship is actually quite good right?? Takes away a lot of worries on both sides due to the manner in which we know her....at rubba rubba places...
haha of course at tat time i did not think like that la...its only now that things have passsed that i have the benefit of hindsight to ponder over such an issue....

Well, thats about the initial period of my "sexless in the city".....hope i've addressed your curiosity bro darkangel!

[jackbl]

Really pity u If the gal really care about u, she will tell u not to come out so late and then ask u go home earlier, will NOT ask u to be "midnight owl"....

Originally Posted by saint82

really si bei taxing on normal life and work.. everyday not enough sleep and mother is not very happy that i always find excuses to go out at 12+ or simply reach home at 4+ mid night..

now she went back, life goes back to normal for the moment until she is back again..

thanks again for the great story..

[JediSkull]

Originally Posted by casannova03

Ok audience request! so bo bian share a bit... i was intending to leave out this whole part........hope i've addressed your curiosity bro darkangel!

bro casannova, congrats to ur happy marriage. I would like to remind bros that marrying a WL is not gonna be easy! bro casannova, i did not read thru the thread but would like to know if your family members or friends know that your wife is an ex wl??? you got to be really magnanimous if u can accept your wife's history.... ur path is not one that's recommended to any bro here....... only the brave and strong then can survive......

[casannova03]

Originally Posted by JediSkull

bro casannova, i did not read thru the thread but would like to know if your family members or friends know that your wife is an ex wl???

Well, to be frank, i did not tell any of my family members but my mom was suspicious all along...why i know? it will be covered in my later postings....

Now all is good and well and i am staying with my parents and they have accepted her as one family....Most important, the relationship between my mom and my wife is very good.

As for friends, only my close group of friends know about it and they know about her work but all accepted my decision and never once bring it up....at least in front of me la......and all from this close group were instrumental in making my wedding dinner a success...so i must say hey are the best buddies!!

For others, i cook up a story of meeting her in VN...blar blar blar...not to save my own face but to protect my dear wife. Since she has already left the trade, i see no point in letting hi-bye and occasional friends know about it.....

well,"things they dun know won't hurt them anyway"