Marrying someone you hardly know?

furritales · #1 03-01-2015, 09:31 PM

need some advice from bros and sisters out there....

recently 2 people very close to me had asked me some questions... they do not know each other yet both of them are in similar situations..

both of them (female) are in their late 30s and both currently are dating their partners for around 5 to 8 months. Their partners are both in the late 30s to early 40s. And both couples are already talking about marriage. Both guys are ready for marriage and very keen to settle down.

as much as they wanted very very much to get married and start their family nucleus however they have their concerns: "should i marry now or wait?" if i wait, i be going to 40 and be very high risk for pregnancy.. " "but if i marry now, isit too early? after all we just know each other for like less than a year..."

i very very much would love to tell them not to get married. They might regret marrying this early... after all they only just know their partners... As iam very close to them, my advice would greatly influence their decision..

but they aren't young anymore and i know they been wanting and pinning to get married and have kids. (Peer and family pressure as well)...both work in extremely female orientated environment and having extremely small social circle of friends..

i do not want to say "up to you lor... u wan to marry u go marry la" bcos i care for them and dosent want them to regret their decision.. yet, they desperately want kids..

Am i wrong to tell them not to get married and just wait few more years?

tarma69 · #2 03-01-2015, 10:18 PM

To marry just for the sake of starting a family and have kids due to pressure is not a wise decision, unless your 2 friends are very sure that their BFs are Mr Right. There is no right or wrong time frame of how soon to get married after getting to know each other for X number of months/years.

Better to choose wisely, marry late despite being childless than to rush and marry Mr Nightmare with children growing up in a broken family.

My 2 cents' worth.

Greenfrog · #3 04-01-2015, 01:47 AM

how much can you know a person in just 8 months? don't marry for the sake of marriage.

Stud00 · #4 04-01-2015, 05:18 AM

In the first place, they shouldn't even be asking you or others for advice.
Marriage is between two persons.. and it shld stay that way. no-one would know the other party better than him/herself..in the worst case if you say.. go ahead and marry.. and if it doesn't work out, than what? lose a friend?
In my humble opinion, if ur friend is asking u this questions, it means they aren't sure. Rather be single first, date and take time to explore rather than rush in, get married to fulfil all duties (i.e having kids).. and risking a divorce..

Bninja · #5 04-01-2015, 05:30 AM

If both party is a Yes,then go ahead.Time frame is not a factor of marriage,i didnt say 'good' marriage.What ?You all say 8 mths is short,I marry my ex-wife when know her for only 3 weeks...Prepare for divorce if worst scenario which cost me 3k for divorce.But at least I got married before and know pros/cons of marriage...lol

sammyboyfor · #6 04-01-2015, 08:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tarma69

unless your 2 friends are very sure that their BFs are Mr Right. There is no right or wrong time frame of how soon to get married after getting to know each other for X number of months/years.

There's no such thing as Mr or Miss "right".

Marriage is a commitment and it's also hard work. It's up to those who get married to honor their vows and work continuously to make things right.

seinfeld · #7 04-01-2015, 08:42 AM

8 months I think should be ok. Afterall like you mentioned if woman pregnant late is risky, not forgetting the child also suffer due to huge age gap from parents.

Many factors need to be taken into consideration, most importantly is trust. But the thread title asking marrying someone you hardly know. After 8months if you still hardly know you girlfriend, that's rather worrying

hamsapkwai · #8 04-01-2015, 10:41 AM

I dont know Jennifer Lopez personally but if she asks me to marry her I would do it in a flash

who gives a shit about babies and what happens afterwards

Kuan Aik Hong · #9 04-01-2015, 07:10 PM

Leave it to fate..Let nature takes its course.

a2014 · #10 04-01-2015, 11:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by furritales

recently 2 people very close to me had asked me some questions... they do not know each other yet both of them are in similar situations..

i very very much would love to tell them not to get married. They might regret marrying this early... after all they only just know their partners... As iam very close to them, my advice would greatly influence their decision..

i do not want to say "up to you lor... u wan to marry u go marry la" bcos i care for them and dosent want them to regret their decision.. yet, they desperately want kids..

Am i wrong to tell them not to get married and just wait few more years?

Pardon me if I am throwing cold blanket on to you. I have a few questions:

1. You are very close to them, how close ?

2. You care for them alot, how is the alot ?

3. Both work in a all female environment, so social circle very small so how you gain to be so close to them ?

3. Tell them not to get married, why or you have decided for them.

My take is that 8 months may be far too short but who knows. What you have described, I tends to think that there are far more stories to it, not so simple.

Maybe you should advise them the pro and cons and let them make the decision them self.

This is just my opinion, hope that I did not offend you, please do not take it at heart.

furritales · #11 05-01-2015, 12:39 AM

I guess its not for me to say yes or no... marriage is a subjective event... like some bros had suggested, the best is to speed up the dating process and see the compatibility and decide for themselves...

SuperInterested · #12 05-01-2015, 03:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

There's no such thing as Mr or Miss "right".

Marriage is a commitment and it's also hard work. It's up to those who get married to honor their vows and work continuously to make things right.

Very well said boss

Hurricane88 · #13 05-01-2015, 09:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

There's no such thing as Mr or Miss "right".

Marriage is a commitment and it's also hard work. It's up to those who get married to honor their vows and work continuously to make things right.

I do agree that marriage is a gamble...you win or lose...is a commitment...especially women charter in sinkieland...

if a couple is much in love worth a try...otherwise wait and see...if no love better dun bother to try...

autoroam · #14 05-01-2015, 10:38 AM

Bro

To know a person goes not depends on nos of days
Do u think 5-8 mths is short?
How abt 5-8 yrs..... Married couples also divorce after 20 yrs of marriage

Personally i would not gives a "Yes" or "No"
Cos u will be blamed if their marriage turns sour
or if the other party decide to marry someone else and have a blessed marriage,....

sammyboyfor · #15 05-01-2015, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

if a couple is much in love worth a try...otherwise wait and see...if no love better dun bother to try...

The problem is most couples start off being in LUST. They think they're in love because they don't know any better.

However, when the lust fades, that's when the hard work and commitment has to kick in. Love will develop only AFTER considerable effort.