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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.

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  #1  
Old 16-05-2022, 10:30 AM
Sgdora Sgdora is offline
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Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady

I was conflicted on whether to post this but decided to seek opinions from bros as this is something i can’t tell anyone around me including my family and friends. I will keep the story short.

I have been dating this Vietnamese lady for a few months now. We have decided to continue dating and move towards getting married in the near future. She is an extremely nice lady that works hard for her own family and despite being penniless, she always refuses to take money from me. I still gave her a few thousand dollars to help her during times of need. She never extended her hand to ask me for money but chose to borrow it from her friends. I am not rich and the most I can do is to pay for her meals when we go out once to twice a week.

Recently I found out that she was once married in Singapore and had a kid. She divorced 2 years ago. I was devastated when I found out. I didn’t know how to handle it. She told me she wanted to tell me before she goes back to Vietnam in a month’s time and she knew I will find out eventually. She wasn’t trying to hide from me but she wishes to find the right time to tell me. I told her she should had been up front with me about it from the beginning. She said in the beginning she doesn’t think our relationship will advance and she was afraid that I can’t accept her past if she had told me. Her intention was never to hide but to find a right time to tell me. She said she is fine if i choose to leave her and all the money I gave her, she will find ways to return to me.

Her kid is now 5 years old. She was once married to a SG guy that is 24 years older than her. She got pregnant 1 month after they got married and she raised the child until 1 year old before going back Vietnam. She came back to see her kid frequently through the years but her ex husband told her not to come close to the kid anymore. She chose to leave her ex husband due to extreme verbal abuse and she was very depressed. She told me she wanted to commit suicide when she was still expecting. The ex-husband wasn’t kind to her throughout the marriage. Never provide her with money nor allow her to go anywhere without his company. It was like staying in a prison at home. I strongly believe the ex husband only wanted a child but not a wife and now she is blaming herself for leaving her kid.

I am conflicted by all these. I was once afraid that she is out to scam my money. But as time passes i can see if she wanted money, there is plenty of ways for her to suck me dry and leave. But she didn’t. And just when I thought all is over, comes this issue. It’s being a few days since I came to know about this and I am not sure if I can really accept her past. I can say she is a kind person who really takes care of me and her own family. I can see and feel it. If you remove the sigma of being a Vietnamese, she is just another lady out there with her own set of problems. So bros. Need to hear it from all of you. I am someone who is at the age where I just want to settle down. I have long decided if this relationship fails again like my past relationships, it will be difficult for me to spend time and effort to find someone suitable, dating all over again. I personally felt that she is someone i am looking for. She loves me, and wishes to take care of me and my family. So yes, that’s my story. Sorry for not being short after all.
  #2  
Old 16-05-2022, 11:19 AM
Sgdora Sgdora is offline
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Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady

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Originally Posted by funboi View Post
can see 5555 why not share how she first got to know her ex husband and how you got to know her.

Please don't mind some of the words use below.



you already gave her. sometime no need ask also got money.



most of them talk only. 99.99% i think.



Most mother won't abandon their child. If the ex can be kind to take care of his own child, how evil a person he can be? What happen in a marriage must hear both sides of the story.



if you marry her, all her problems become your problems. when you can't handle all the problems it become a marriage problem and divorce again and the whole cycle happening again. 5555
I knew her from her workplace. She is a hairdresser. I found out through her facebook. I saw the pictures of her kid and the husband.

Yes I did give her but I didn’t give her everything. I guess because she is a Vietnamese, many will still think she is out for money including me. But i will see it for myself.

I don’t think she talk only. Because there is another guy chasing her with tons of money. I am not as rich. He is obviously a better choice.

You are right. It’s better to hear both side of the story. When she wants to leave, her husband insisted that she leave without the kid. She knew she wasn’t in a better position to take care of the kid so she left the kid with the ex. I am not saying her ex is evil. But obviously he is someone who just want a child and used her. She is in Singapore now working partly she wants to be close to her child.

She knows her ex throught KTV. She worked for a month before returning back to Vietnam as she can’t drink and she wasn’t pretty back then. She doesn’t know how to dress up. I saw the pictures so yes. Not the KTV type of girl. She had a very bad relationship back in Vietnam and after the break up she wanted to escape. And hence the ex brought her back to Singapore. Back then she thought she can just settle down in Singapore to forget about her life in Vietnam and her ex wanted to marry her so she agrees. It was a mistake.

Many things I cannot convince the bros here because I know her personally. Many will think i might be blinded but i am very well aware of the risk and issues involved. I am not trying to make things perfect. I want to ensure things will be as smooth as possible.
  #3  
Old 16-05-2022, 11:29 AM
Sgdora Sgdora is offline
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Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady

Just to add on about her ex and her. She mentioned that during her kid one month old celebration, she invited her mother to Singapore. But on the day of the celebration, her mother fallen ill and was sent to ICU in Singapore. The cost was very high and the ex can’t afford it, insisted that she send her mother back to Vietnam. But the doctor said that the mother’s condition at that time cannot take plane on her own. She needs special care in order to go back. So she had to take money from her family in order to send her back. She just gave birth back then and needs to take care both her baby and her mother. The ex just wanted her mother to leave so he do not need to continue footing the medical bill.
  #4  
Old 16-05-2022, 11:32 AM
hellothis555 hellothis555 is offline
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Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sgdora View Post

Many things I cannot convince the bros here because I know her personally. Many will think i might be blinded but i am very well aware of the risk and issues involved. I am not trying to make things perfect. I want to ensure things will be as smooth as possible.
Dunno what was your purpose of this thread. U gathering support?

Others had mentioned doubt but u could reason them out U are leading towards your own view. Since u are so confident that u know her personally, etc u have already decided u want to bulldoze thru it then go ahead.... Good luck.

Last edited by hellothis555; 16-05-2022 at 07:11 PM.
  #5  
Old 16-05-2022, 11:33 AM
Sgdora Sgdora is offline
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Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady

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Originally Posted by hellothis555 View Post
Dunno what was your propose of this thread. U gathering support?

Others had mentioned doubt but u could reason them out U are leading towards your own view. Since u are so confident that u know her personally, etc u have already decided u want to bulldoze thru it then go ahead.... Good luck.
I am not sure what is the purpose of your response but I appreciate your views regardless. Thanks.
  #6  
Old 16-05-2022, 11:37 AM
hellothis555 hellothis555 is offline
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Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sgdora View Post
Just to add on about her ex and her. She mentioned that during her kid one month old celebration, she invited her mother to Singapore. But on the day of the celebration, her mother fallen ill and was sent to ICU in Singapore. The cost was very high and the ex can’t afford it, insisted that she send her mother back to Vietnam. But the doctor said that the mother’s condition at that time cannot take plane on her own. She needs special care in order to go back. So she had to take money from her family in order to send her back. She just gave birth back then and needs to take care both her baby and her mother. The ex just wanted her mother to leave so he do not need to continue footing the medical bill.
Again, u are pouring the sad story to support your view on her.... She should have good family background as in $$$. ICU for foreigner is not cheap and special care flight back will cost a bomb. Then why are u pushing money to her?
  #7  
Old 16-05-2022, 11:39 AM
Sgdora Sgdora is offline
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Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady

Quote:
Originally Posted by hellothis555 View Post
Again, u are pouring the sad story to support your view on her.... She should have good family background as in $$$. ICU for foreigner is not cheap and special care flight back will cost a bomb. Then why are u pushing money to her?
Her family got to mortgage the house to get the money. ICU was paid by the ex.
  #8  
Old 16-05-2022, 11:50 AM
hellothis555 hellothis555 is offline
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Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sgdora View Post
Her family got to mortgage the house to get the money. ICU was paid by the ex.
Here u go.... "ICU was paid by ex". Ex husband is not a devil as described in the opening. As @funboi mentioned, 1 sided story.

Anyway again good luck to your journey.
  #9  
Old 16-05-2022, 11:51 AM
Sgdora Sgdora is offline
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Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady

Quote:
Originally Posted by hellothis555 View Post
Here u go.... "ICU was paid by ex". Ex husband is not a devil as described in the opening. As @funboi mentioned, 1 sided story.

Anyway again good luck to your journey.
Thank you very much.
  #10  
Old 16-05-2022, 12:57 PM
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Banaber Banaber is offline
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Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sgdora View Post
I was conflicted on whether to post this but decided to seek opinions from bros as this is something i can’t tell anyone around me including my family and friends.
what is it you cannot accept of her past? divorced? kid? ktv? not unacceptable, but your story didn't have anything else that appear unacceptable.

i was and am in love with a few viets. it takes time and experience to see through the truths and lies. there will be lies, yes. but what kind? the decision should be clear once you uncover the types of lies.

the love rival should be the problem anyway. are you winning? else you will deal with jealousy daily. this drives you nuts.

ultimately, love prevails in this universe.
  #11  
Old 16-05-2022, 01:01 PM
Sgdora Sgdora is offline
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Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady

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Originally Posted by Banaber View Post
what is it you cannot accept of her past? divorced? kid? ktv? not unacceptable, but your story didn't have anything else that appear unacceptable.

i was and am in love with a few viets. it takes time and experience to see through the truths and lies. there will be lies, yes. but what kind? the decision should be clear once you uncover the types of lies.

the love rival should be the problem anyway. are you winning? else you will deal with jealousy daily. this drives you nuts.

ultimately, love prevails in this universe.
I am not sure what other lies are there. And i am trying to find out. I asked her is this the final thing that she hid from me. She said yes and there is nothing more she is hiding. But i still have my doubts and trying hard to find out everything.

I really do love her but i don’t want to be lied to. I can accept her everything if not I would have left. I just want to know if she is still hiding anything. As of now i can’t fully trust her words.
  #12  
Old 16-05-2022, 07:00 PM
Peacekeeping Peacekeeping is offline
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Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady

Sorry to burst your bubble but you sound like a very gullible man. Good luck to you.
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Old 16-05-2022, 07:08 PM
peanodood1337 peanodood1337 is offline
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Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady

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Originally Posted by Sgdora View Post
I am not sure what other lies are there. And i am trying to find out. I asked her is this the final thing that she hid from me. She said yes and there is nothing more she is hiding. But i still have my doubts and trying hard to find out everything.

I really do love her but i don’t want to be lied to. I can accept her everything if not I would have left. I just want to know if she is still hiding anything. As of now i can’t fully trust her words.
If you are having these thoughts now, then you're gonna have even more problems moving forward. Cos even if she is 100% truthful, you will always have this 心结. When she's back in Vietnam, you're gonna wonder does she have another BF back home? Is she seeing the other richer guy simultaneously? Is she with you just for money or the Pink IC? etc. etc. etc.

So the question you should be asking, is if you wanna deal with all that? If you think she is worth the mental stress, then go ahead. Otherwise, think twice.

Good luck.
  #14  
Old 16-05-2022, 07:22 PM
Sgdora Sgdora is offline
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Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady

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Originally Posted by Peacekeeping View Post
Sorry to burst your bubble but you sound like a very gullible man. Good luck to you.
Perhaps i am. Thanks!
  #15  
Old 16-05-2022, 07:24 PM
Sgdora Sgdora is offline
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Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady

Quote:
Originally Posted by peanodood1337 View Post
If you are having these thoughts now, then you're gonna have even more problems moving forward. Cos even if she is 100% truthful, you will always have this 心结. When she's back in Vietnam, you're gonna wonder does she have another BF back home? Is she seeing the other richer guy simultaneously? Is she with you just for money or the Pink IC? etc. etc. etc.

So the question you should be asking, is if you wanna deal with all that? If you think she is worth the mental stress, then go ahead. Otherwise, think twice.

Good luck.
What you said is very true. Is there no way i can fully trust her or because the nature of the matter is just like that and it can’t be helped.
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