Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[malaysiapig]

In china trade show, not sure how they do the test

[masakii]

a woman said to her husband who was working abroad so they had a long distance relationship.
Sometimes the husband says he wants to have baby
then the wife said
"I'll give it to you, if when you come home I'm pregnant, you'll be happy, okay?"
husband answered hesitantly "oh yes happy"
but after a few seconds he answered again
"Wait, of course I'm not happy that you got pregnant while I was abroad, then it's not mine."

hahaha the wife laughed out loud. Finally her husband understood the joke

[xiaobij]

The husband suddenly said, "Have you ever seen a baby move in your stomach? How is that possible?

Wife: "Yes, I've seen it, because the baby is moving inside."

Husband: "Then why is my pants moving, do they have a life like a baby?"

Wife: "I'll try hitting it to find out if it has life or not."

ha ha ha ha

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[malaysiapig]

[thanosfist]

a the wife laughed out loud.

[ah rat]

[SirLance]

Thanks for sharing.

[ah rat]

A true friend is like a penis, he stands up for you in times of need. A genuine friend is like a bra, she supports you at all times. A faithful friend is like a condom , he protects you from all harm. A loving friend is like a vagina, she accomodates you fully despite the size of your problem.

⭕1. Kamasutra says : If you suck one nipple, the woman herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!

⭕2. Did you ever notice: everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs & lower body with a "P" Peticoat, panties, pussy... That's origin of "BP"!

⭕3. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.

⭕4. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

⭕5. Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.

⭕6. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life..!

⭕When a lady is pregnant,
all her friends touch her stomach and say "Congrats!".
But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!".
(Moral: Hard work is never appreciated: Only results matter.)

✅Now that I've educated. you, go ahead and share to educate someone else.🙏😃

[dyelook]

*The Glasgow Brothel*

The madam opened the brothel door in Glasgow and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties.

“May I help you sir?” she asked.

“I want to see Valerie,” the man replied.

“Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else”, said the madam.

“No, I must see Valerie,” he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged ￡5000 a visit.

Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, as she was so expensive.
There were no discounts. The price was still ￡5000. Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, the man asked Valerie to sign a receipt that she had received ￡15000. She was astonished nevertheless signed on the receipt and said to the man, “No one has ever been with me three nights in a row and for sure this is the first time anyone has asked me to sign a receipt. Where are you from?”

The man replied, “Edinburgh.”

“Really”, she said. “I have family in Edinburgh .”

“I know.” the man said.
“Your sister died, and I’m her solicitor. I was instructed to deliver you ￡15,000 inheritance in person.”

Two things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Being screwed by a lawyer.