how to make my FB fall for me?

[sane]

Originally Posted by flowbow

Actually, we do most of that. We hold hands in public, we shop and eat together, and we text each other a lot. We text each other everyday, or almost everyday. And we don't really hide. Just that we don't build dreams and hopes of a common future la.

Well, he did hint to me that he's not willing to commit. That right now his career takes #1 priority and he doesn't want to get into a relationship. But I have always been doubtful of his status la. I actually think he is attached.

Never easy to shuo zou jiu zou... At least not for me.

It's stressful to be with someone like tt, no secure feel n u won't noe when the rs will stale off n eventually stop contacting each other. Busy with career is always the best excuse, have u read this book "He's just not that into u"? It's a good read tt will wake women up

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by flowbow

Wow. That was... Enlightening. Thank you. I think I need to print that out and stick it on my notice board... Except that I wouldn't know how to explain to my parents when they see it. Hehe.

No worries sweetie...my pleasure...

Anyway, referring to the paragraph I quoted from you... Actually, we do most of that. We hold hands in public, we shop and eat together, and we text each other a lot. We text each other everyday, or almost everyday. And we don't really hide. Just that we don't build dreams and hopes of a common future la.

Hmmmmm...if that is true...then I really see him more as a BF...

Oh....hahahahha...sorry sweetie...forgot one thing that will freak him and you both out...BF and GF should not be afraid to meet each other's parents...heh heh heh...dish that one out and see what happens...but cannot cheat hor...must introduce as BF or GF...none of that just friend business...

Jokes aside sweetie...just think through what is important to you and make a decision...you know where I stand on this issue...as long as he is making you happy...regardless of how he does it...stick with it until you can find happiness elsewhere...

I find it very sad that women always see themselves as the victim in a sexual relationship...men are always the one enjoying the benefits but women are suffering the sex...this skewed viewpoint then creates a them versus us mindset...heyyy...men and women are opposites exactly so that we can make love and not war....don't ruin that by changing the balance into "they" take advantage of "us".

Two people are involved in a relationship...just like dating, both will present their best to the other person...both will hide things they wish the other person never find out...do we call this lying? You can, but that is how the game is played...why must there be accusations of 狐狸尾巴?? If one day he sees you without makeup...can he also accuse you of cheating him because that is not face he tackled way back when? What if he finds you unshaven? Hey...money back please, the girl I date shaves her legs everyday...oh, come on...some people need to grow up.

Please people...live and let live...life is hard enough....when you find someone who makes you happy...even for a few hours a day...enjoy it...give him/her back as good as you are getting...now, that is a healthy relationship regardless of either person's marital status...

If sex is involved, so be it...should my sexual partner be upset if I have a new chess partner? Let's not force all the issues together...sex is just sex...some people are kinky, some are sedate, some wants a lot, some have fetishes...how can we always guarantee that our future partner is perfectly compatible with us sexually in the long run? We cannot.

So...we have to find our own happiness...sexually or otherwise...and sweetie...as long as you are happy in the relationship, ignore people who tell you to just get out...they are not you, they do not know how you feel, and maybe, just maybe, they do not recognise happiness when it smacks them in the face...so to them...oh, a relationship must be be proper...you cannot do this or as a woman you will lose out...blah blah blah, sour grapes...
Ignore them sweetie...only you will know if you are happy...if you are...to hell with the rest of the world...if you are not, think of what makes you happy and go look for it. As a woman, you have no less a right to find happiness. Let me know if you need help, I will teach you how to cheong and to hide your 狐狸尾巴 while doing it so you can have a real blast...

[sane]

Originally Posted by Wizrd

ignore people who tell you to just get out...they are not you, they do not know how you feel, and maybe, just maybe, they do not recognise happiness when it smacks them in the face...so to them...oh, a relationship must be be proper...you cannot do this or as a woman you will lose out...blah blah blah, sour grapes...
Ignore them sweetie...only you will know if you are happy...if you are...to hell with the rest of the world...if you are not, think of what makes you happy and go look for it. As a woman, you have no less a right to find happiness. Let me know if you need help, I will teach you how to cheong and to hide your 狐狸尾巴 while doing it so you can have a real blast...

Then can I ask u ar.. if a guy who treat u really really nice (but no intimacy), suddenly turn into someone cold overnight. He cite work as an excuse. Well, it's true that he's really very busy being several department head and it has been years that he's like that.
When u want to cut off strings with him, he will always return to u, make time for you. Let u know his whereabouts n reply to me instantly. He's trying his best to provide the kinda secure feeling that i also wanted.
So warm yet so far. What do u think is the reason?

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by sane

It's stressful to be with someone like tt, no secure feel n u won't noe when the rs will stale off n eventually stop contacting each other. Busy with career is always the best excuse, have u read this book "He's just not that into u"? It's a good read tt will wake women up

Hi sane,

Can I assume you are a woman as well?

I'm trying to understand a few things because of what you posts...please know that I am not trying to pick a fight...I'm maybe not undertanding something and would like to be educated...

When you say not "secure", what are you refering to?
That she cannot look forward to a man coming home to her everyday? She cannot ensure that he won't go find other women?
Do you not realise what this forum is about? How secure are all the GFs and wives of sooooo many guys posting here about where to find other women??

Secure of what? Please explain ok? That once he commits to being a BF, he will NEVER ever break her heart and leave her...is it?


And if we cannot explain what security you are talking about, then how is it stressful? Not knowing is stresssful or knowing is more stressful? Should she just sit at home and be stressed out by the unknown secure issue?? Or should she just go and meet him and be happy for a few hours? I know which one I would coose...how about you? You will choose staying at home alone and be stressed out?


Of course, career is the best excuse...just like a woman who won't settle down or have children because her figure will change...yes, best excuse. There are pressures in life that we perceive...some real, and some imagined...some guys can date, party every night and still have a great career....just like some girls can have 2, 3, 4 children and still have star power bodies...can we then say those people who have a plan and is trying not to ruin the plan is wrong? What about you sane? You wil give up everything for a relationship? No excuses? Your man want sex, give...outdoors in public, give...three times in the same day, give?? No excuses? If you do, fantastic and my hats off to you...most women have plenty of excuses too...how secure should the man feel when what they want can easily be refused and often?


Wake women up...from what? For as long as I know, women like men and have done whatever they can to hook the man of their dreams...including getting more clothes, more revealing clothes...get better figure, buy make up, learn to eat, dance and interact, backstab other women...etc...These women don't need waking up...they know what they are doing...

Just as men like women and have done all kinds of things, including starting wars, making more money, getting more power, write poetry, paint art...etc etc to get their women....the metohds are different but the aim is the same...men want women and women want men...

What you want to wake the women up from is that you now want to use the men's methods as well as the women's method, is it?? Or that you cannot stomach another woman having found someone who can make her happy...and must poison it by injecting doubts and other women's woes (not hers...but you pull it in and make it hers anyway)...to bring her down to your level??

Sorry if you feel offended...but I am offended reading the crap you are trying to teach another person...who already admitted she is confused...by making her even more confused?? That is the way you help?!?!?
I know which woman has to wake up sister....please go find a women's help blog /website and post there so that you can gang up with your men-hating sisters...here, we just want everyone to have good time...with or without sex...to share our thoughts and find some peace and pleasure if we are lucky...but sister, that won't happen when you are here accusing guys of hiding their fox tail...hey, we all have it and it is time you woke up to that...it is only whether we wish to share it with you and show you our tails only...


Apologies again...I don't mean to be harsh...it just pisses me off when some women are so hell bent on playing victims...

I feel much better now after the rant...peace people...



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[sane]

Originally Posted by Wizrd

Sorry if you feel offended...but I am offended reading the crap you are trying to teach another person...who already admitted she is confused...by making her even more confused?? That is the way you help?!?!?
I know which woman has to wake up sister....please go find a women's help blog /website and post there so that you can gang up with your men-hating sisters...here, we just want everyone to have good time...with or without sex...to share our thoughts and find some peace and pleasure if we are lucky...but sister, that won't happen when you are here accusing guys of hiding their fox tail...hey, we all have it and it is time you woke up to that...it is only whether we wish to share it with you and show you our tails only...

Apologies again...I don't mean to be harsh...it just pisses me off when some women are so hell bent on playing victims...

I feel much better now after the rant...peace people...

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No worries, I m not offended as I m actually here to read n understanding about the perspectives and more from the opp sex , searching for the answer that I always want. Things that my guy friends wont tell me.

Actually my stand is very clear. I have nothing against those looking for FB. You are offering your perspective as a man while I from a point of a woman.

U r direct and straightforward, I like men to be like that.

[Experimental]

I guess the best you could do is understand that no matter how much feelings you have for him, he's still gonna treat you as FB. Try hanging out with other people here like the amazing sammy fans here! ;P and see what he thinks or says? If it mattered i guess maybe there's still a chance it might actually work. But, don't really count on it.

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by sane

Then can I ask u ar.. if a guy who treat u really really nice (but no intimacy), suddenly turn into someone cold overnight. He cite work as an excuse. Well, it's true that he's really very busy being several department head and it has been years that he's like that.
When u want to cut off strings with him, he will always return to u, make time for you. Let u know his whereabouts n reply to me instantly. He's trying his best to provide the kinda secure feeling that i also wanted.
So warm yet so far. What do u think is the reason?

Hi sane...


Thanks for asking...

In any human relationship...there is no fix formula...some people are naturally warm, some not...some are naturally easy to get along with, some not... some are good with calming words, some are not..

We also have our moods...some days up...some days down...and most of us cannot control those moods as well as we like to...which is why not all of us can be in politics...

We cannot second guess every move or motive a person has...

When I am busy...really busy...guess what? The people closest to me suffer...because they know me best and will notice my mood/behaviour change faster than those who do not know me...

And because they are closer to me, the time I cut from socialising will often come from them first too...because if I cut an hour from my GF who I will see for 4 hours, I will still see her for three hours...but sadly, she will notice that and like you, will start to second guess that maybe I want to break up with her...which is obviously not true...

Communication is the key...women like to complicate things when we communicate..men are really very very simple creatures...when we say we are busy...that is usually what it means...but if you keep pressing for a better excuse, then I have to assume that the truth is not what you want to hear and will have to tell you more and more elaborate lies to make you happy...yeah, of course, going for another meeting doesn't sound glamorous enough to cancel the date with you...so next thing you know, I have a U.N mission to go destroy weapons of mass destruction...

Now, once you have trained a man to do this...there is no turning back..he knows he will have to waste hours of time he does not have to go round and round with you on an issue as simple as - an extra meeting...so he will learn to just come up with...need to go sweetheart, James Bond needs my help...

It may be wrong...but I am fairly cartain that every bro in here will know what I mean...for every GF that I have had...I always try to be honest in the first instance...but the interogation...the horror of explaining why a sales meeting is more important than my love for her gets too much...so in self preservation...I learn to lie to her...after a while...we both give up...I go look for another GF...and lo and behold...it starts again...the truth is not good enough...


Anyway...back to your question...I do not know precisely why he is doing that...but maybe from your reaction he realised that you are upset and despite not having much time, he is making an effort to make you happy by telling you where and what he is doing...please, be happy with that...do not go and second guess him until he feels that you are too much trouble...

We can only do so much to make another person happy...if that person wants a lot more than we can give...we will give alright...we'll give up...

A relationship is not a war which you win or lose...it is something we nurture, build and with tolerance and patience, find ways to make each other happy...if your happiness brings about his unhappiness....sooner or later, he will leave...and vice cersa...

In any relationship I have been in...I always have this one mindset...I cannot believe she loves me...that way...i will always try to do more for her...to make up the difference in my own mind...to be deserving of her love...

Still, it doesn't always work out...we grow and change and I often miss the mark too...fair enough...but at least I try...

Encourage love...encourage the person you want, to love you...not fight him and hope to win...even if you win that way, you still lose...ok?

[I.m.Jim]

Different people different perspectives. Different angle at looking at an issue but it does not mean that seeing things that differ from the general consensus are wrong. They are just the minority. FB relationships are like any other relationships. It takes two to clap. No matter what relationship, its always a constant maintenance to keep it going even after marriage.

[sane]

Thanks for taking time to reply to me. Appreciate it which made me see things in a different light.

Originally Posted by Wizrd

And because they are closer to me, the time I cut from socialising will often come from them first too...because if I cut an hour from my GF who I will see for 4 hours, I will still see her for three hours...but sadly, she will notice that and like you, will start to second guess that maybe I want to break up with her...which is obviously not true...

Communication is the key...women like to complicate things when we communicate..men are really very very simple creatures...when we say we are busy...that is usually what it means...but if you keep pressing for a better excuse, then I have to assume that the truth is not what you want to hear and will have to tell you more and more elaborate lies to make you happy[/B]

Sounds very me n also like him but he will still make effort to meet me and my friends for drinks after meetings and send us all back home. Sometimes due to his busy schedule, we have to plan weeks in advance to meet but he will always reserve a date to accompany me. My friends can tell that he really dote me alot.

Anyway...back to your question...I do not know precisely why he is doing that...but maybe from your reaction he realised that you are upset and despite not having much time, he is making an effort to make you happy by telling you where and what he is doing...please, be happy with that...do not go and second guess him until he feels that you are too much trouble...

We can only do so much to make another person happy...if that person wants a lot more than we can give...we will give alright...we'll give up...

A relationship is not a war which you win or lose...it is something we nurture, build and with tolerance and patience, find ways to make each other happy...if your happiness brings about his unhappiness....sooner or later, he will leave...and vice cersa...

On n off, he will let me know what he has been doing, where n with whom, arranging dates to see me. He wont disappoint me.

However I always have this fear that I will be a burden n 拖累 him, pity me n scared to hurt me, that's y he refused to call it quit.
I called it quit but he never leave me all this while. In fact, he's flying up to see me next month.

In any relationship I have been in...I always have this one mindset...I cannot believe she loves me...that way...i will always try to do more for her...to make up the difference in my own mind...to be deserving of her love...

Still, it doesn't always work out...we grow and change and I often miss the mark too...fair enough...but at least I try...

Encourage love...encourage the person you want, to love you...not fight him and hope to win...even if you win that way, you still lose...ok?

It's true that I m afraid to lose but is losing him. It's very scary to lose control of the emotions and fear of being a emo freak.

He is not a 狐狸 and in fact is one of the nicest guy that I'ever met. Someone who will always ensure that I reach home safely and never initiate anymore. He ever say that he respect me alot.

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by sane

Thanks for taking time to reply to me. Appreciate it which made me see things in a different light.

Hi sane...

Because you put your answers inside my quotes...it won't show up here...no matter...

You started off sounding positive...and also ended off positively...but...in the middle there...you were talking like a woman from those old cantonese movies again...

Have faith...in him as a man...he knows what he is doing...he is making his choices just like you...do not worry for his mental state from only your perspective...ask him...and believe what he has to say... what burden? We all have burdens we carry...some we accepted and some thrust upon us without asking...still, life must go on...

You choose...then let him choose...and once both of you have made a decision...accept that to be the truth...for the two of you anyway...

It does not have to be forever...this is not a secret and it's true...nothing is forever...

Enjoy the time together for what it is...who cares if he is married or attached or busy or gay...seriously...does it matter when even your friends can see how much he dotes on you?? (and you said you two are not even intimate yet...wow...)

Enjoy it and have fun...tomorrow is too far away to worry about...if something turns out badly tomorrow...worry about it tomorrow...you are wasting today worrying and also trying to find ways, real or imagined..to justify those worries...and end up tying yourself up in knots...that is not the way to live...

When we come to the end of our lives...when all we have left are our memories...do you want to remember all the good times you have had (even if they were with the 'wrong' guy(s)... ) or do you want to only have memories of worries??

If you have a reason to call it quits, then do it...do not hang on to something if it is not making you happy...but if your only concern and reason to call it quits is to make his life easier...why do it?? How do you know it will make his life easier?

Think this through before acting on it...you are the person in the know here...I am only guessing based on the little information you gave...

It is too easy to want everything in black and white...life is not that way unfortuately....use your gut feeling...pour in some heart...sprinkle on some experience...then put it through the filter of your logical mind...whatever comes out, you can safely use to make your decision...

If you fear losing him eventually and therefore wish to break up with him now...that to me is seriously fucked up logic...it's exactly like if I fear dying eventually so I kill myself today to prevent it from happening later...WTF???

Holy crap girl...If being with him means all you can think of is losing him...then maybe losing him is better...at least you can stop your worry and excessive thinking...and move on with other things to worry about in your life (which, knowing you, likely you will find loads to worry about...)

Like I said to flowbow and the TS...life is hard enough...do not make it any harder with all the unrealistic restrictions and social norms etc...they are not real you realised?? They are put there by people not wanting us to enjoy our lives...most probably because they didn't enjoy theirs....(I'm kinda kidding here...but you see what I mean, I hope...)

If what you want is not illegal...and does not hurt anyone directly and intentionally...screw them all and live your life the way you want...the way you should...the only important thing to you and me and everyone here is....be happy...find ways to be happy without making others miserable...that is all we need to do...

The damned hippie almost got this one right...then they bloody turned and ran corporate America...fucking hypocrites...

Have faith and enjoy sane...hope this makes sense to you...



.

[Wizrd]

Originally Posted by sane

Thanks for taking time to reply to me. Appreciate it which made me see things in a different light.

Sorry sane...I just realised something you wrote didn't make sense to me...At the end there, you said he 'never initiate anymore'...what on earth does that mean??

My England is not improving, I tell you what...






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[sane]

Originally Posted by Wizrd

Sorry sane...I just realised something you wrote didn't make sense to me...At the end there, you said he 'never initiate anymore'...what on earth does that mean??

My England is not improving, I tell you what...
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Thanks Bro for ur posts n I read every sentence thoroughly .
Oops what I meant was when he sent me home after drinks, he never advance anymore but to ensure that I got home safely instead.
We r not intimate because he can tell that I'm not ready for it yet n he respect me for that.

Thanks, it has been so many years yet seriously, he's never out of my mind. When I put in feelings, it's true feelings n will stay there strongly for years. He knows that I'm very serious when it comes to r/s. When I love, I love with my heart and nothing else.

That's y i urgue those who's emotional like me, don't ever do irrational things to hurt themselves especially when things doesn't goes well.

At a moment, i felt really lost so I took a step back to evaluate on what I really want but frankly speaking these few years wo him, I'm living life very well too. I'm feeling happy hanging out with my buddies, made many like minded friends, busy with work n doing workout daily, leading a rather healthy lifestyle Lols~ popping in here for a daily sense sense of humour.

Let's see how things goes if we manage to meet up. Even if things doesn't work out, we can still be very good friends.

Cheerios ~

[sane]

Originally Posted by Experimental

I guess the best you could do is understand that no matter how much feelings you have for him, he's still gonna treat you as FB. Try hanging out with other people here like the amazing sammy fans here! ;P and see what he thinks or says? If it mattered i guess maybe there's still a chance it might actually work. But, don't really count on it.

Thanks, I just saw ur reply hmm I dun think he see me as his FB, B yes but F not yet.

Yes, there's definitely awesome peeps here n i luv to meet them if there's a chance, can hang out as a group together for friendship n nothing more, it's not very me to do that.

[sane]

Originally Posted by Wizrd

What you want to wake the women up from is that you now want to use the men's methods as well as the women's method, is it?? Or that you cannot stomach another woman having found someone who can make her happy...and must poison it by injecting doubts and other women's woes (not hers...but you pull it in and make it hers anyway)...to bring her down to your level??

Apologies again...I don't mean to be harsh...it just pisses me off when some women are so hell bent on playing victims...

I feel much better now after the rant...peace people...
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I can't help but to keep reading this paragraph, u definitely make my day by making me sound like an old bitter spinster. Lols~ I've never laugh so hard for a long time before n cannot imagine if u ever rant in my face. He warmed my heart whenever he did that too.

Thanks for making my day I'm off for my swim n yoga now. Njoy your weekend ya..

[BoinKING]

Why you want to make your FB fall in love with you... you want to make him so addicted to fuck you and you only that he doesn't fuck other girls..

I think thats happening to me with my girl hahaha.. I can't get off with anyone but her or my other one but she's busy..