Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[oxeso]

[chichihan]

Originally Posted by oxeso

This is a good one.

[hakone]

A woman asks her husband at breakfast time,
"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now.
It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunchtime, she asked him if he would like something.
"How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?"

He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "Its really spoiled my need for food."

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat.
"Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"

He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."

"Well," she says, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm bloody starving."

[Orange22]

Originally Posted by hakone

A woman asks her husband at breakfast time,
"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now.
It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunchtime, she asked him if he would like something.
"How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?"

He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "Its really spoiled my need for food."

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat.
"Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"

He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."

"Well," she says, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm bloody starving."

Nice share bro

[oxeso]

Originally Posted by chichihan

This is a good one.

U have gd taste.

[CaiShenDao]

Thanks for sharing nice jokes.

[GodOfWealth]

Originally Posted by hakone

A woman asks her husband at breakfast time,
"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now.
It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunchtime, she asked him if he would like something.
"How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?"

He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "Its really spoiled my need for food."

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat.
"Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"

He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."

"Well," she says, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm bloody starving."

Thanks for sharing nice joke.

[pratabanana]

Originally Posted by oxeso

Fully agreed

[dyelook]

Couple goes out walking in a nearby Mall;

HER: Babe, I really like & want these shoes, but I forgot my purse at home...

HIM: How much are they??

HER: Only $750...

HIM: Opens his wallet

HER: *So Excited*

HIM: Here's $10 take a cab & go fetch your purse... I'll wait here for you...

[Sihaiz]

Originally Posted by dyelook

Couple goes out walking in a nearby Mall;

HER: Babe, I really like & want these shoes, but I forgot my purse at home...

HIM: How much are they??

HER: Only $750...

HIM: Opens his wallet

HER: *So Excited*

HIM: Here's $10 take a cab & go fetch your purse... I'll wait here for you...

Hahaha good one bro. Guys must learn this

[dyelook]

A woman goes to the Doctor worried about her husband's temper.

The Doctor asks, "What's the problem

The woman says, "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Doctor says, "I have a cure for that.

When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth.

Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor, looking fresh and reborn.

The woman says, "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"

The Doctor says, "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick."

[dyelook]

........

[oxeso]

[Duratop]

The Annoying Parrot

Once upon a time, a beautiful lady impulsively bought a female parrot. To her surprise, the first thing it said when she brought it home was, 'Do you want to sleep with me?' The lady was shocked and thought, 'Oh no, people will think I taught it to say that, ruining my image as a lady.' She tried everything to teach the parrot to say something more refined, but the parrot was stubborn and only said, 'Do you want to sleep with me?'

What could she do? In her desperation, she heard that a priest also had a parrot (a male one) that not only refrained from saying crude things but was also a devout believer, spending most of its time praying. So, the lady went to the priest for help. The priest, understanding her predicament, said with a slightly troubled expression, 'This is difficult. I didn't intentionally teach my parrot anything. Its piety might be due to the long-term influence of this place.'

Seeing the lady's disappointment, the priest said, 'Alright, bring your parrot here, and I'll put them together. Hopefully, over time, your parrot will be influenced. That's all I can do; whether it works or not is up to God's will.'

The lady, having no other choice, agreed. Isn't there a saying, 'One who stays near vermilion gets stained red'? So, she brought the parrot to the priest. The priest kept his promise and put the two parrots together. At first, the female parrot was a bit reserved, watching the male parrot silently praying in a corner of the cage, not wanting to disturb him. But after a few days, she couldn't help herself and finally said loudly, 'Do you want to sleep with me?'

The male parrot stopped praying, turned to look at the female parrot, and suddenly burst into tears, 'Thank God, my prayers have finally been answered.'

[dyelook]

Three men were down the pub talking.The first says my wife is so dumb she bought a car air freshener and she doesn't have a car!
The second one says, my wife is so dumb she bought yoga pants and she doesn't go to the gym!
The third says that's nothing my wife is by far the dumbest, she is going on a business trip, she bought condoms and she doesn't have a willy !!!

_________________


Husband: Last night in your sleep you were using abusive language against me.
Wife: That was your imagination.
Husband: What imagination?
Wife: That I was asleep.