I just need a place to place vent anger on my own retardedness

[bangstar]

Sorry people. I know usually people put open threads here to ask for issues relating to their relationships with WL or FLs.

But mine is not, it's for a proper lady. And I fucked up so badly I don't even know where to bury my own head.

So I used to work in Bangkok for about 3-4 years. I was in sales working for a small company, and I got introduced to this really nice Singaporean lady who is also working there.

She's in logistics and I'm in equipment trading business. We were introduced actually by our aunts. Her aunt wants her to have some guy to look after her while she's in BKK and my aunt just wants me to settle down.
(It may sound the same but it's rather quite different actually.)

Anyway, we met and we clicked rather well, but over my time there, I never proposed to her, all I did was fuck around and sleep around with different ladies. I know I like her, but I never found the courage to tell her that I like her. It has also never occurred to me to want to bed her. All I did was always find FLs and go Soapies. I also dated some proper Thai girls, working in banks or are insurance/property agents, but nothing ever gone serious with them because I just didn't want to, even if I like them.

We even hang out a lot, she got a new place and I even went furniture shopping with her...

I left BKK about 1 year ago because money back here is better. I told her I was leaving, and even then, I just didn't want to tell her I like her.

Finally on the 1st day of CNY, I told her I like her and she rejected me... I am so distraught now... I know it's super silly to even think of suicide but it has crossed my mind multiple times but I'm not going to do it.

I fucked up so badly... because over the years that I lived in BKK, I had multiple chances to tell her, and I know back then she was interested in me, cause she's always initiating me to go watch movies and dinners with her...

I'm just so sad now... I cry every night I go to sleep, which is just 2 nights really. I can't stop thinking about her.

The biggest blow was she told me some guy proposed to her too, but she haven't accepted him yet.

In any case, I just need to put this in writing somewhere, I can't tell my parents or my siblings or anyone. Because I am the eldest son/grandson that's supposed to be tough as nails. (That's my pride talking.)

Maybe I should just finish that bottle of cough syrup... I don't know...

Good night...

Sorry if you think this is fucking stupid.
Sometimes when I know I fuck up, I cannot forget about it for months...

[raymondle80]

Bro, not sure how old you are, but I am guessing perhaps you are mid 30s to 40s? If that is the case I reckon what you are experiencing is a momentary adjustment phase where you have had a sudden rejection that didn't align with your expectations.

If you believe in fate, then some things are not meant to be. Like you mentioned she already had another dude who proposed and she is still considering but for you she rejected straight out.

You still have got a lot of mileage with your overseas (s)experience, so when you are back in Spore, just chill out, take a break and go back to the dating scene.

And for god sake, don't beat yourself up over fucking around. Just take a look all around this forum and you will realise you are not alone.

But when you meet the 'right' one next time, just remember to pluck up your hairy balls and commit, unless you are subconsciously a player at heart, to which I have no further advice for you.

Cheers mate, and happy CNY. Keep safe and chiong hard.

Originally Posted by bangstar

Sorry people. I know usually people put open threads here to ask for issues relating to their relationships with WL or FLs.

But mine is not, it's for a proper lady. And I fucked up so badly I don't even know where to bury my own head.

So I used to work in Bangkok for about 3-4 years. I was in sales working for a small company, and I got introduced to this really nice Singaporean lady who is also working there.

She's in logistics and I'm in equipment trading business. We were introduced actually by our aunts. Her aunt wants her to have some guy to look after her while she's in BKK and my aunt just wants me to settle down.
(It may sound the same but it's rather quite different actually.)

Anyway, we met and we clicked rather well, but over my time there, I never proposed to her, all I did was fuck around and sleep around with different ladies. I know I like her, but I never found the courage to tell her that I like her. It has also never occurred to me to want to bed her. All I did was always find FLs and go Soapies. I also dated some proper Thai girls, working in banks or are insurance/property agents, but nothing ever gone serious with them because I just didn't want to, even if I like them.

We even hang out a lot, she got a new place and I even went furniture shopping with her...

I left BKK about 1 year ago because money back here is better. I told her I was leaving, and even then, I just didn't want to tell her I like her.

Finally on the 1st day of CNY, I told her I like her and she rejected me... I am so distraught now... I know it's super silly to even think of suicide but it has crossed my mind multiple times but I'm not going to do it.

I fucked up so badly... because over the years that I lived in BKK, I had multiple chances to tell her, and I know back then she was interested in me, cause she's always initiating me to go watch movies and dinners with her...

I'm just so sad now... I cry every night I go to sleep, which is just 2 nights really. I can't stop thinking about her.

The biggest blow was she told me some guy proposed to her too, but she haven't accepted him yet.

In any case, I just need to put this in writing somewhere, I can't tell my parents or my siblings or anyone. Because I am the eldest son/grandson that's supposed to be tough as nails. (That's my pride talking.)

Maybe I should just finish that bottle of cough syrup... I don't know...

Good night...

Sorry if you think this is fucking stupid.
Sometimes when I know I fuck up, I cannot forget about it for months...

[ibanezjem555]

Not fucking stupid Bro. Quite normal.

Sometimes it is just not meant to be.

At least, 5 or 6 misses for me. Felt like dumbo many times and possibly made a few nice girls cry too. (no, I did not uppz them, just no chemistry after several dates..).

Just need a little patience that's all..

[bangstar]

Dear bros, thanks for your reply and advice.

Yes, I'm in my 30s, I have had 2 serious girlfriends in the past, but they never lasted more than 2 years.
I'm not a player, this is why when I was in BKK, I only dated like 3 thai girls on a more regular basis, and I didn't even up them. I just never felt like it... I would rather up FLs than regular girls, because I just believe that if they are nice girls, i shouldn't use them like meat. Not saying FLs are not nice girls, there are some FLs that are nice too, but you know, there's less baggage after the deed.

Yes, I'm trying to get over it. I'm just mad at myself for always fucking up so badly.
Every. Single. Time.

Every time I meet a nice girl, I will fuck up. I always think I'm some super genius or some smart guy, but turns out, I'm a moron...

I honestly wonder if I should even bother going out on dates any more...

I'm not the most handsome looking guy, but I'm also not ugly. I make decent money, I work hard, I am filial, I treat the girls I date really nice.

If this is how God wants to do for me then I've got nothing to say.

I am a lapsed Catholic, I don't go to church, I don't pray (often), but in my current situation, I really am leaving it to God's hands.

My only thoughts now is hopefully she doesn't accept that guy, and come valentine's day, which I actually already ordered flowers for her last month, before I propose to her.
She will reconsider, I don't need her to say yes, I just need her to say no to that guy...

Gah, sorry, I'm ranting again... Hope everyone will have a good day.

Thanks again for your advice, I think that's what I needed to power me through every day...

[fallen11]

Originally Posted by bangstar

Dear bros, thanks for your reply and advice.

Yes, I'm in my 30s, I have had 2 serious girlfriends in the past, but they never lasted more than 2 years.
I'm not a player, this is why when I was in BKK, I only dated like 3 thai girls on a more regular basis, and I didn't even up them. I just never felt like it... I would rather up FLs than regular girls, because I just believe that if they are nice girls, i shouldn't use them like meat. Not saying FLs are not nice girls, there are some FLs that are nice too, but you know, there's less baggage after the deed.

Yes, I'm trying to get over it. I'm just mad at myself for always fucking up so badly.
Every. Single. Time.

Every time I meet a nice girl, I will fuck up. I always think I'm some super genius or some smart guy, but turns out, I'm a moron...

I honestly wonder if I should even bother going out on dates any more...

I'm not the most handsome looking guy, but I'm also not ugly. I make decent money, I work hard, I am filial, I treat the girls I date really nice.

If this is how God wants to do for me then I've got nothing to say.

I am a lapsed Catholic, I don't go to church, I don't pray (often), but in my current situation, I really am leaving it to God's hands.

My only thoughts now is hopefully she doesn't accept that guy, and come valentine's day, which I actually already ordered flowers for her last month, before I propose to her.
She will reconsider, I don't need her to say yes, I just need her to say no to that guy...

Gah, sorry, I'm ranting again... Hope everyone will have a good day.

Thanks again for your advice, I think that's what I needed to power me through every day...

I must say.... the reason of u being reject is probably because.... u waited for too long before confessing to her.
Feelings take time to build up, sometimes fast sometimes slow. When u feel the feeling is right at that level already, u need to do it immediately because they'll fade away.
As wise men often say "he who hesitates, masturbates'.

At least u tried.
Now move on to next target.

[sbf4life]

bro did she gave any reason for the rejection? the least u need to know is the reason so that you know what the next step to take.

Originally Posted by bangstar

Finally on the 1st day of CNY, I told her I like her and she rejected me... I am so distraught now... I know it's super silly to even think of suicide but it has crossed my mind multiple times but I'm not going to do it.

.

[bangstar]

Originally Posted by fallen11

I must say.... the reason of u being reject is probably because.... u waited for too long before confessing to her.
Feelings take time to build up, sometimes fast sometimes slow. When u feel the feeling is right at that level already, u need to do it immediately because they'll fade away.
As wise men often say "he who hesitates, masturbates'.

At least u tried.
Now move on to next target.

Yes bro, i believe so too, that's why I kept saying I fucked up so badly.

I believe I had a strong emotional and mental connection to her back then, because many things that's engineering/tech related, she will ask me, and I will ask her about logistics or admin related things.

I guess you're right, "he who hesitates, masturbates." but i think this had helped me save money many times, at least with FLs. Maybe I was just thinking of her like another FL when she is clearly not.

At my regular gogo bar, the waitress there thinks I'm gay or say I always see the girls then go home and masturbates, which I am not and do not.

as for moving on, I am trying, but something inside tells me that i shouldn't give up on this girl. I should keep trying, even though she might be accepting the other guy's proposal, but I may still yet stand a chance, I do not know if it's stubbornness or foolishness. but I am willing to keep trying.

I am hoping V-day will be the chance I have to redeem myself, at least to let her have some small thoughts about me again...

I really probably should've asked her, but I'll try to talk to her again on V-day, since I had already ordered flowers for her. I just hope she's at work to receive it... Otherwise, I really am out of my wits...

[randyrockhard]

Jay Chou once sang that Romance is like tornado. When it's happening, it's so strong it sweeps you away, just like tornado. And when it's passed, it's passed.

I am not saying that we all should be like Jay Chou, 😂 but...

Here is the thing, no women appreciate inconsistencies, unless she is still in her teens or something. You had your shot, now move on.

When someone's hearts have changed, not even the almighty could change it.

[subidowa]

Originally Posted by bangstar

Sorry people. I know usually people put open threads here to ask for issues relating to their relationships with WL or FLs.

But mine is not, it's for a proper lady. And I fucked up so badly I don't even know where to bury my own head.

So I used to work in Bangkok for about 3-4 years. I was in sales working for a small company, and I got introduced to this really nice Singaporean lady who is also working there.

She's in logistics and I'm in equipment trading business. We were introduced actually by our aunts. Her aunt wants her to have some guy to look after her while she's in BKK and my aunt just wants me to settle down.
(It may sound the same but it's rather quite different actually.)

Anyway, we met and we clicked rather well, but over my time there, I never proposed to her, all I did was fuck around and sleep around with different ladies. I know I like her, but I never found the courage to tell her that I like her. It has also never occurred to me to want to bed her. All I did was always find FLs and go Soapies. I also dated some proper Thai girls, working in banks or are insurance/property agents, but nothing ever gone serious with them because I just didn't want to, even if I like them.

We even hang out a lot, she got a new place and I even went furniture shopping with her...

I left BKK about 1 year ago because money back here is better. I told her I was leaving, and even then, I just didn't want to tell her I like her.

Finally on the 1st day of CNY, I told her I like her and she rejected me... I am so distraught now... I know it's super silly to even think of suicide but it has crossed my mind multiple times but I'm not going to do it.

I fucked up so badly... because over the years that I lived in BKK, I had multiple chances to tell her, and I know back then she was interested in me, cause she's always initiating me to go watch movies and dinners with her...

I'm just so sad now... I cry every night I go to sleep, which is just 2 nights really. I can't stop thinking about her.

The biggest blow was she told me some guy proposed to her too, but she haven't accepted him yet.

In any case, I just need to put this in writing somewhere, I can't tell my parents or my siblings or anyone. Because I am the eldest son/grandson that's supposed to be tough as nails. (That's my pride talking.)

Maybe I should just finish that bottle of cough syrup... I don't know...

Good night...

Sorry if you think this is fucking stupid.
Sometimes when I know I fuck up, I cannot forget about it for months...

Eh.. i just wonder how you know that she liked you back then??? Maybe she was just bored or no one to hang out too in a foreign country? Maybe you think too much. Btw why would you think u are the best or most suitable for her??? Maybe the other guy she is dating or proposed to her is better by far than you??? Like also filial, earning big bucks, handsome and christian etc etc. Maybe that guy even lose to other guys who are also chasing her thus she hasn't accept him yet.

I wonder why guys cannot accept it when the girls rejected you, thinking of nothing wrong on your part and why this why that. But when some other better guys come along and she likes him instead and you all think is perfectly normal. I think it is all your own ego. U cannot accept that she don't like you cause u feel u are good enough for her. However, have you even get to know your competitor at all??? Maybe after realising that you aren't his calibre does it make ur ego feel better to lose out? Why need to self blame or add any reasons to someone who is not ready for you??

I just want to say we all have our own lives. Why waste it and thinking of killing yourself over some other people choices. Many things in life cannot be control. The best and strongest might not come out the winner too. So don't force things to happen if it isn't meant to be. Just relax and enjoy life and great and better things will come soon or in near future. As long as one is alive, opportunities are plentiful.

The poorest beings are not those who are broke, They are those who have lost hopes.

[fallen11]

Originally Posted by bangstar

Yes bro, i believe so too, that's why I kept saying I fucked up so badly.

I believe I had a strong emotional and mental connection to her back then, because many things that's engineering/tech related, she will ask me, and I will ask her about logistics or admin related things.

I guess you're right, "he who hesitates, masturbates." but i think this had helped me save money many times, at least with FLs. Maybe I was just thinking of her like another FL when she is clearly not.

At my regular gogo bar, the waitress there thinks I'm gay or say I always see the girls then go home and masturbates, which I am not and do not.

as for moving on, I am trying, but something inside tells me that i shouldn't give up on this girl. I should keep trying, even though she might be accepting the other guy's proposal, but I may still yet stand a chance, I do not know if it's stubbornness or foolishness. but I am willing to keep trying.

I am hoping V-day will be the chance I have to redeem myself, at least to let her have some small thoughts about me again...

I really probably should've asked her, but I'll try to talk to her again on V-day, since I had already ordered flowers for her. I just hope she's at work to receive it... Otherwise, I really am out of my wits...

Just give it 1 last try. If still fail, really dont waste your time and move on. There's only one you, but countless other girls in this world for u to explore and choose.
Oh and regarding the reason for rejection, dont take it too seriously even if make known to u. From my experience, reasons dont matter at all. Probably they'll make up some reason to make u go away.

[happykrabi]

Originally Posted by bangstar

Dear bros, thanks for your reply and advice.

Yes, I'm in my 30s, I have had 2 serious girlfriends in the past, but they never lasted more than 2 years.
I'm not a player, this is why when I was in BKK, I only dated like 3 thai girls on a more regular basis, and I didn't even up them. I just never felt like it... I would rather up FLs than regular girls, because I just believe that if they are nice girls, i shouldn't use them like meat. Not saying FLs are not nice girls, there are some FLs that are nice too, but you know, there's less baggage after the deed.

Yes, I'm trying to get over it. I'm just mad at myself for always fucking up so badly.
Every. Single. Time.

Every time I meet a nice girl, I will fuck up. I always think I'm some super genius or some smart guy, but turns out, I'm a moron...

I honestly wonder if I should even bother going out on dates any more...

I'm not the most handsome looking guy, but I'm also not ugly. I make decent money, I work hard, I am filial, I treat the girls I date really nice.

If this is how God wants to do for me then I've got nothing to say.

I am a lapsed Catholic, I don't go to church, I don't pray (often), but in my current situation, I really am leaving it to God's hands.

My only thoughts now is hopefully she doesn't accept that guy, and come valentine's day, which I actually already ordered flowers for her last month, before I propose to her.
She will reconsider, I don't need her to say yes, I just need her to say no to that guy...

Gah, sorry, I'm ranting again... Hope everyone will have a good day.

Thanks again for your advice, I think that's what I needed to power me through every day...

if you didn't up the thai girls that you dated, they will think you dont like them

[chaoslord]

The only mistake you made was waiting too long to ask her. Feelings can sizzle quickly but they can fizzle just as fast.

Personally I won't bother asking again on V-Day. It's quite clear her intentions towards you is one of a platonic friend. She even told you that someone else proposed to her. This person must have spent considerable amount of time with her and is in a relationship with her. Would you propose to someone who you are not in a relationship with? The answer is no. This guy is very likely her boyfriend and she is not sure about him just yet. Either way he is 2 steps ahead of you although that to me is moot. The reality is that she likely has no romantic feelings towards you.

Save your ego from further bruising and enjoy your V-Day in peace by not asking her.

[Alson15]

Okay good emo it out, but stop thinking about it after that. No more what-if-this what-if-that. She rejected you already so dont look back.

It's not easy of course, but try your best to do so. Can tell here got so many bros cheering you on, as cheesy as this may sound.

[Johnsonviona]

What is the measure of a man? Persistent in the face of adversity.

[bangstar]

Thanks to all bros that had replied here. Whether it's telling me to let go or telling me to continue trying. I appreciate the reply.

Just FYI, I do intend to continue trying. Because I have been giving up on girls that rejected me too easily in the past, and I realized, that's because I never loved them. But this girl, this girl, I really like her a lot.
So I'm not just going to give up 4 years of hard work because of another man or because she has some reservations about me.

As for myself personally, I've been really in a muddle in the last week. Other then feeling better while working. The moment I stop or take a break. She pops back into my mind. I've never had this happen to me with other girls from my past.

In any case, over the last week I've taken up jogging again, listening to audio books of some of my favorite books and of course, got back into video gaming... I am not well connected enough to get invited to parties, and I do not know how to 1 person go find parties, other than at gogo bars...

I am intending to seek psychological help, purely to speak it out to a live person and not just put it into words like on here. I don't even dare put this on EDMW which is my favorite forum to troll on. I also realized my whole life had been one big existential crisis. Since my childhood till now. That's why I felt I need to speak to a psychologist.

I am not rich, but I earn pretty decent money. I intend to buy my own place next year, whether I do get attached or not. I am also starting to write my own book, under a pseudonym, basically talking about my life, whether it's interesting to people or not I don't really care, I am not writing it to make money.

Again, I really appreciate all the replies here. Whether good or bad. if I can up everyone's points, I will, but the forum has timeline... So I will do so when I see your names pop up some where else.

I particularly appreciate Jonsonovia's reply

Originally Posted by Johnsonviona

What is the measure of a man? Persistence in the face of adversity.

Thanks John, I think this really set me up straight.

Much Love and best regards.
Bangstar